I didn't really think of it this way at the time, but the more I think about it now, the more it feels like I committed suicide in Second Life. I couldn't deal with the people, so I just disappeared. And do you know what the best thing about suicide is? There are no consequences. Sure, the people I had befriended in-world might wonder where I went to, whether I'm alright, and why I left without saying a word to them, but the truth is, so long as I choose not to back out on my suicide, I will never have to face any of that. It no longer exists to me. It's a clean break. Now if only first life was that easy to escape from.
I've never seriously considered suicide only because I've never considered death to be a better alternative to living, despite how crappy my life is/has been. My opinion on that is subject to change if my life ever gets significantly worse than it is now, but for the time being, that is where I stand. If I knew for a fact, for example, that if I killed myself, I could be reincarnated as someone else, then I would have to seriously consider it.
18 November, 2008
Job Seeker Poll
Are you afraid that employers can see your Facebook or MySpace pages?
>Yes, my page could negatively affect my job search.
>No, my page is set to private.
>No, I use my page to promote myself to employers.
>I do not have a page.
This poll bugs me, because the provided answers are insufficient. I have both a MySpace and a Facebook page, even if I hardly ever use the Facebook page, and haven't used the MySpace page much recently - so I clearly can't pick the last option. I definitely don't use either of my pages to promote myself to employers - I have those pages for purely personal purposes - which rules out option number three. My Facebook page /may/ be set to private - frankly, I don't know - but I do know that my MySpace page is totally public, and that's the way I prefer it. Thus, I cannot choose the second option in the poll. And while it is true that my page could negatively affect my job search (what search?), I'd be lying if I chose option number one because then I'd be answering that yes, I am afraid that employers can see the page.
This is my answer:
No, my page could negatively affect my job search, but I don't care in the least, because I'm not interested in projecting a polished and perfected - and utterly fake - image to my prospective employers. I'm interested in my humanity, and it is all the quirks of my personality that makes me who I am, and that is the person you would hypothetically be hiring, not the perfected image I might otherwise choose to present.
The fact that this is even an issue is proof of the sorry state of affairs modern society is in...
>Yes, my page could negatively affect my job search.
>No, my page is set to private.
>No, I use my page to promote myself to employers.
>I do not have a page.
This poll bugs me, because the provided answers are insufficient. I have both a MySpace and a Facebook page, even if I hardly ever use the Facebook page, and haven't used the MySpace page much recently - so I clearly can't pick the last option. I definitely don't use either of my pages to promote myself to employers - I have those pages for purely personal purposes - which rules out option number three. My Facebook page /may/ be set to private - frankly, I don't know - but I do know that my MySpace page is totally public, and that's the way I prefer it. Thus, I cannot choose the second option in the poll. And while it is true that my page could negatively affect my job search (what search?), I'd be lying if I chose option number one because then I'd be answering that yes, I am afraid that employers can see the page.
This is my answer:
No, my page could negatively affect my job search, but I don't care in the least, because I'm not interested in projecting a polished and perfected - and utterly fake - image to my prospective employers. I'm interested in my humanity, and it is all the quirks of my personality that makes me who I am, and that is the person you would hypothetically be hiring, not the perfected image I might otherwise choose to present.
The fact that this is even an issue is proof of the sorry state of affairs modern society is in...
17 November, 2008
Naptime is No Longer Safe
Generally, I don't take naps - despite my fondness for sleep, I'm of the mind that napping is something only kids do. That having been said, when I'm feeling *really* tired, or just miserable, crawling into bed for a period ranging anywhere from 30 minutes to 3 hours during the middle of my waking period can be a lifesaver. Although in this case, it was sort of the opposite. That's right, just as Freddie Krueger comes for you anytime you nod off, no matter where or why or for how long, now Death too has descended upon naptime.
I've pretty much been sick for the past two months, since returning from the big trip. I've been even more miserable than usual the last couple days, though, as my coughing has recently gotten rather violent - and has at this point contributed to an unfortunate headache. Needless to say, I felt like lying down for a bit today as it was still early in my waking period and my head was already swimming (I love that expression, though I don't love the feeling). So I fell asleep for a good two and a half hours, only to wake up breathing rapidly from an exciting and harrowing dream. It wasn't quite as terrifying as the other "nightmares" I've had that pit me against Death, but I did get pret-ty close to death at the very end. Luckily, I just got up and the dream is still fairly fresh in my mind, so allow me to explain.
The setting is one of the shops over in the lot that's being consumed by the Walgreens that's scheduled to be built soon. But it's not any shop that I'm familiar with, and it was actually in one of the shop slots other than the ones I've spent lots of time in (which are closer to the road than the one I was in in my dream). Although, it was kind of coffee shop-ish, because there were a few of us (family/friend types) hanging out and chatting in the shop. But the lighting was brighter, and the atmosphere was more casual and less hip.
Anyway, there was this one guy, that I wish I could explain better, because there were other details about him that I don't remember, but I guess I can say he was the type that seemed nice and friendly but turned out to be...not. In any case, he was driving around the parking lot and I was sitting in the car with him, chatting about who knows what - I have no idea why, but that's how it was. As he drove close to the exit to the parking lot, I was about to ask him if he was actually /leaving/, since it wasn't /my/ intention to leave at that moment, but before I even asked, I was sort of 'dumped' out of the car. I don't know how exactly, if the guy pushed me out or I just got out voluntarily or what - I suppose it's one of those ambiguous dream details. At any rate, I found myself on the pavement watching the car drive away (and, indeed, leave the parking lot).
Unfortunately, there was a police car nearby, for some reason watching the car I just came out of (perhaps he knew what I would soon find out - that the guy in the car was actually a pretty mean character). I guess he maybe thought I had something to do with the guy, because he came straight for me, lights a-flashing, soon as I left the car. Then again, at the time, I didn't have any reason to believe he was coming for me for any other reason than I'm me. And cops tend to have it out for me. For no good reason. Although, did I mention that I was naked the whole time during this dream? I was, though I didn't *feel* naked - nobody seemed to notice or care (least of all myself).
Well I came to the conclusion that the cop was approaching me not because I was doing anything illegal but because he was just a corrupt and perverted cop (perhaps an even more frightening prospect). The thing that tipped me off was the way he instructed me to pose just before he was about to take my picture (for evidence...or something). I got the sense that this didn't feel like part of a cop's typical procedure. Lucky for me, in my dream I was a lot more straightforward than I really am, and I not only cursed at the cop, I even slapped or punched him (can't remember specifically). I was also lucky that instead of retaliating or being stubborn, the cop actually backed off. He drove away, and I went back to the shop where the others were. (This is really a pretty pointless detail, but I find it interesting that there was a grassy hill with a tree on top of it, right in the middle of the parking lot - which isn't the case in real life).
So somehow I find myself running from the guy from the car earlier. Apparently he's a psychotic murderer, and for some reason he's after me. It made more sense in the dream. I was pretty desperate at this point to hide, so I ran to the back of the shop and locked myself in the bathroom. There were some developments I don't clearly remember that had me back at the front of the shop, but it just ended up in me running back to the bathroom just as the psychotic murderer entered the shop. I slipped into the bathroom and locked the door, wondering if the murderer knew I was in there, and if not, how long it would take for him to find me. So I opened the bathroom window and slipped out into the alleyway between shops (still naked, by the way). At this point I had the instinctive feeling that the murderer was right on my tail, and that he'd kill me (or worse) the moment he caught me. So I stumbled through that window and climbed over some stuff, including a fence, as quickly as possible. I found myself in a yard and made a break for it, hoping I could throw the murderer off and find somewhere safe to hide (back home, maybe). This daring escape from the shop happened all so very quickly, and I awoke in the midst of it, still feeling the effects of the chase - breathing rapidly, as I mentioned above. It was quite exciting, indeed.
I've pretty much been sick for the past two months, since returning from the big trip. I've been even more miserable than usual the last couple days, though, as my coughing has recently gotten rather violent - and has at this point contributed to an unfortunate headache. Needless to say, I felt like lying down for a bit today as it was still early in my waking period and my head was already swimming (I love that expression, though I don't love the feeling). So I fell asleep for a good two and a half hours, only to wake up breathing rapidly from an exciting and harrowing dream. It wasn't quite as terrifying as the other "nightmares" I've had that pit me against Death, but I did get pret-ty close to death at the very end. Luckily, I just got up and the dream is still fairly fresh in my mind, so allow me to explain.
The setting is one of the shops over in the lot that's being consumed by the Walgreens that's scheduled to be built soon. But it's not any shop that I'm familiar with, and it was actually in one of the shop slots other than the ones I've spent lots of time in (which are closer to the road than the one I was in in my dream). Although, it was kind of coffee shop-ish, because there were a few of us (family/friend types) hanging out and chatting in the shop. But the lighting was brighter, and the atmosphere was more casual and less hip.
Anyway, there was this one guy, that I wish I could explain better, because there were other details about him that I don't remember, but I guess I can say he was the type that seemed nice and friendly but turned out to be...not. In any case, he was driving around the parking lot and I was sitting in the car with him, chatting about who knows what - I have no idea why, but that's how it was. As he drove close to the exit to the parking lot, I was about to ask him if he was actually /leaving/, since it wasn't /my/ intention to leave at that moment, but before I even asked, I was sort of 'dumped' out of the car. I don't know how exactly, if the guy pushed me out or I just got out voluntarily or what - I suppose it's one of those ambiguous dream details. At any rate, I found myself on the pavement watching the car drive away (and, indeed, leave the parking lot).
Unfortunately, there was a police car nearby, for some reason watching the car I just came out of (perhaps he knew what I would soon find out - that the guy in the car was actually a pretty mean character). I guess he maybe thought I had something to do with the guy, because he came straight for me, lights a-flashing, soon as I left the car. Then again, at the time, I didn't have any reason to believe he was coming for me for any other reason than I'm me. And cops tend to have it out for me. For no good reason. Although, did I mention that I was naked the whole time during this dream? I was, though I didn't *feel* naked - nobody seemed to notice or care (least of all myself).
Well I came to the conclusion that the cop was approaching me not because I was doing anything illegal but because he was just a corrupt and perverted cop (perhaps an even more frightening prospect). The thing that tipped me off was the way he instructed me to pose just before he was about to take my picture (for evidence...or something). I got the sense that this didn't feel like part of a cop's typical procedure. Lucky for me, in my dream I was a lot more straightforward than I really am, and I not only cursed at the cop, I even slapped or punched him (can't remember specifically). I was also lucky that instead of retaliating or being stubborn, the cop actually backed off. He drove away, and I went back to the shop where the others were. (This is really a pretty pointless detail, but I find it interesting that there was a grassy hill with a tree on top of it, right in the middle of the parking lot - which isn't the case in real life).
So somehow I find myself running from the guy from the car earlier. Apparently he's a psychotic murderer, and for some reason he's after me. It made more sense in the dream. I was pretty desperate at this point to hide, so I ran to the back of the shop and locked myself in the bathroom. There were some developments I don't clearly remember that had me back at the front of the shop, but it just ended up in me running back to the bathroom just as the psychotic murderer entered the shop. I slipped into the bathroom and locked the door, wondering if the murderer knew I was in there, and if not, how long it would take for him to find me. So I opened the bathroom window and slipped out into the alleyway between shops (still naked, by the way). At this point I had the instinctive feeling that the murderer was right on my tail, and that he'd kill me (or worse) the moment he caught me. So I stumbled through that window and climbed over some stuff, including a fence, as quickly as possible. I found myself in a yard and made a break for it, hoping I could throw the murderer off and find somewhere safe to hide (back home, maybe). This daring escape from the shop happened all so very quickly, and I awoke in the midst of it, still feeling the effects of the chase - breathing rapidly, as I mentioned above. It was quite exciting, indeed.
14 November, 2008
Every Fight Is A Fight With Freezer
There are two scenes from DBZ, both from the Freezer Saga, that periodically resurface in my consciousness, and that I can relate to my life. Both of them can be described as "Saiyajin prepares to fight Freezer".
The first involves Son Gokuu. For a rather large portion of episodes, Gokuu trains to become stronger while in transit to Namekkusei where he will have to face off against Freezer, to protect his friends (and, of course, the universe). But when he starts getting close to the planet, he ends his training regimen and takes a few steps to prepare himself for battle. (I may have the order of these mixed up, but that's not important). First, he cleans himself up. Then, he eats a huge meal to restore his energy. And then he takes a good long sleep. After all of that is out of the way, he spends the remaining time before arrival posed in a standing position, presumably concentrating on the fight ahead, perhaps in some form of meditation, mentally preparing himself for the ordeal that will follow.
It is this part that I can relate to - the mental preparation. Before I head into an important situation (or as it turns out, even many unimportant ones), I like to, whenever possible, spend some time mentally preparing myself for the ordeal ahead of me. After I do everything else to prepare myself, I feel like I need some time to just stand there and steel myself mentally against the obstacles that will inevitably assault me.
Then again, maybe it's just me fretting over all the little things that ultimately won't matter, and making an excuse to delay launch just a little bit longer.
The other scene I relate to involves the other important Saiyajin in the story, Bejiita. There is a scene, before the anticipated fight with Freezer begins, where Bejiita himself steels himself against the battle ahead, in a slightly different way. This occurs, if my memory serves correctly, right around the scene where Gohan and Kuririn are fitted with Saiyajin armor (from the "washing machine"). I think they take a nap, or at least leave Bejiita alone for a bit, and that's when Bejiita places his hand against the wall, bows his head, and works through the sheer terror that shakes through the core of his being at the mere thought of facing off against Freezer - a monster whose power Bejiita knows better than most.
Whereas Gokuu takes a more peaceful and composed (even enthusiastic at times) approach to the anticipation of a coming battle, when facing Freezer, Bejiita is, simply put, absolutely terrified. And honestly, I think that's closer to the way I feel before an "ordeal".
The trouble is, this sort of thing doesn't happen to me only when I'm up against a major scenario, like giving an important presentation or taking an important exam or something that could otherwise have a significant impact on my life. It doesn't occur only when I'm fighting Freezer - it happens every single time I go to "battle", even when it's just with the expendable small fries who don't even have a name. In other words, it feels like every "fight" I have to fight, is a fight with Freezer.
Can you imagine the impact that would have on a person? If everyone they had to fight against terrified them just as much as Freezer, regardless of how strong (or weak) they actually are, could you blame this person if they gave up fighting and went into hiding?
Could you?
The first involves Son Gokuu. For a rather large portion of episodes, Gokuu trains to become stronger while in transit to Namekkusei where he will have to face off against Freezer, to protect his friends (and, of course, the universe). But when he starts getting close to the planet, he ends his training regimen and takes a few steps to prepare himself for battle. (I may have the order of these mixed up, but that's not important). First, he cleans himself up. Then, he eats a huge meal to restore his energy. And then he takes a good long sleep. After all of that is out of the way, he spends the remaining time before arrival posed in a standing position, presumably concentrating on the fight ahead, perhaps in some form of meditation, mentally preparing himself for the ordeal that will follow.
It is this part that I can relate to - the mental preparation. Before I head into an important situation (or as it turns out, even many unimportant ones), I like to, whenever possible, spend some time mentally preparing myself for the ordeal ahead of me. After I do everything else to prepare myself, I feel like I need some time to just stand there and steel myself mentally against the obstacles that will inevitably assault me.
Then again, maybe it's just me fretting over all the little things that ultimately won't matter, and making an excuse to delay launch just a little bit longer.
The other scene I relate to involves the other important Saiyajin in the story, Bejiita. There is a scene, before the anticipated fight with Freezer begins, where Bejiita himself steels himself against the battle ahead, in a slightly different way. This occurs, if my memory serves correctly, right around the scene where Gohan and Kuririn are fitted with Saiyajin armor (from the "washing machine"). I think they take a nap, or at least leave Bejiita alone for a bit, and that's when Bejiita places his hand against the wall, bows his head, and works through the sheer terror that shakes through the core of his being at the mere thought of facing off against Freezer - a monster whose power Bejiita knows better than most.
Whereas Gokuu takes a more peaceful and composed (even enthusiastic at times) approach to the anticipation of a coming battle, when facing Freezer, Bejiita is, simply put, absolutely terrified. And honestly, I think that's closer to the way I feel before an "ordeal".
The trouble is, this sort of thing doesn't happen to me only when I'm up against a major scenario, like giving an important presentation or taking an important exam or something that could otherwise have a significant impact on my life. It doesn't occur only when I'm fighting Freezer - it happens every single time I go to "battle", even when it's just with the expendable small fries who don't even have a name. In other words, it feels like every "fight" I have to fight, is a fight with Freezer.
Can you imagine the impact that would have on a person? If everyone they had to fight against terrified them just as much as Freezer, regardless of how strong (or weak) they actually are, could you blame this person if they gave up fighting and went into hiding?
Could you?
09 November, 2008
Opening Stages (or Focusyn)
Now that the neighborhood coffee shop has (reluctantly) closed down to make way for yet another Walgreens in the area, you'd think I'd finally have some rest from having to perform every other week. But the Open Stage there was so popular (or at least so treasured by its regular attendees), that it has splintered off into two (two!) different new Open Stages. One of them is hosted by folk rock band The Primatives, who hosted the other one, and is located about a half hour drive from here. The other one is closer - only a little bit farther than the old one - and hosted by the Stickman, who was a regular and celebrated feature of the old 'stage. And guess what - their schedules are scattered relative to each other, so now I essentially have an Open Stage to perform at every single week (with some exceptions - holidays, months with five fridays, unexpected cancellations, etc.)!
Okay, this is good for me. I know. I've been practicing guitar a lot more the past couple months. And that's a very good thing. But it's still a lot of pressure. The farther Open Stage is cool because it actually has a stage (a pretty tall one, in fact), which is good performing experience, but also adds a lot more stress. The closer Open Stage is a bit less formal (with no real stage). An interesting side effect of the splintering of the old Open Stage is that each of the two new ones feature a number of familiar faces (which provides comfort), while adding in some fresh faces (so you get to hear new performers, and new people get to hear you). And even though *I* get bored playing the same songs over and over again, since each of the two stages feature different audiences (with maybe a few occasional crossovers), I can play a song a couple times before it gets tired. Or I can try a song out at the more informal stage so that I'm more comfortable playing it at the slightly more formal stage.
Enough of that for now. Let's talk about learning. A few weeks ago, I learned the basics to the song Too Rolling Stoned by Robin Trower - a fantastic blues rock song by the way. I can play it fairly well, minus the solos of course (unfortunately). Now, it took me some effort to work out that main riff you hear at the beginning and after each chorus. I had a tab for it (I wouldn't have been able to figure it out otherwise), but it was still tricky getting the timing down, and the tab itself was a little iffy (as they always seem to be). I had to listen to the riff in the song over and over again, listening carefully to the pitches of each note, and the timing between them, etc., to get the riff down. Eventually I got it, after a lot of effort. And being able to play it feels really really good. And this is the stuff I really wanna be able to play, as opposed to boring chords. Moreso whole solos than just riffs (though riffs are fun in their own right).
But a solo is like a dozen different riffs (or "licks", if you will - and that's just for a short solo) strung one after another, usually played fast. So it generally takes the effort of learning one riff times a dozen (or more, for the longer solos), to learn a solo. And that's a lot of effort. Of course, some solos are pretty easy, and some are really hard, and they all vary in difficulty. I'm sure other people - "true" musician types - can work stuff like this out a lot easier and/or faster than I can. But I'm not here today to talk about envy. I've proven to myself that I can work this stuff out if I really really work at it. And the portions of solos I can play are some of my favorite things to play - example, the opening riff for Steppin' Out played by Eric Clapton on the Bluesbreakers LP (I know, I'm mixing up riffs and solos now, just try to stay with me).
Another thing I love to play is the first four "measures" or so of I'm Going Home by Ten Years After, featuring Alvin "Fastest Fingers" Lee - as seen on the Woodstock film. Sure, four "measures" doesn't sound like a lot, but when it's Alvin Lee, baby, it's like a universe's worth of flurried notes (it's not really, but it sure feels like it). Just tonight I worked out the next four measures or so (with tons of effort), including getting past a part that's stumped me since I learned the first part. I gotta practice it a lot now to cement it into my memory, and a few of the sections are still weak, but it feels great to play it, even if I have to slow it down a bit yet.
My point here is, I can work this stuff out if I really work at it, but my problem is making the effort. I have some kind of mental deficiency that creates a strong desire within me to avoid doing stuff - moreso stuff that either requires effort or induces stress. I *want* to spend all day every day for months working out solos and stuff - and can you imagine what that would do for my playing ability? But I just can't get myself to *do* it. As soon as I come up against a wall, I feel a strong (really really strong) desire to turn around and take a nap or something, rather than chip away at the wall. This is why I'm a failure at life. But no amount of telling myself to "just do it" makes it the least bit easier for me.
And this is why I'm "just a picture of what I could have been".
Okay, this is good for me. I know. I've been practicing guitar a lot more the past couple months. And that's a very good thing. But it's still a lot of pressure. The farther Open Stage is cool because it actually has a stage (a pretty tall one, in fact), which is good performing experience, but also adds a lot more stress. The closer Open Stage is a bit less formal (with no real stage). An interesting side effect of the splintering of the old Open Stage is that each of the two new ones feature a number of familiar faces (which provides comfort), while adding in some fresh faces (so you get to hear new performers, and new people get to hear you). And even though *I* get bored playing the same songs over and over again, since each of the two stages feature different audiences (with maybe a few occasional crossovers), I can play a song a couple times before it gets tired. Or I can try a song out at the more informal stage so that I'm more comfortable playing it at the slightly more formal stage.
Enough of that for now. Let's talk about learning. A few weeks ago, I learned the basics to the song Too Rolling Stoned by Robin Trower - a fantastic blues rock song by the way. I can play it fairly well, minus the solos of course (unfortunately). Now, it took me some effort to work out that main riff you hear at the beginning and after each chorus. I had a tab for it (I wouldn't have been able to figure it out otherwise), but it was still tricky getting the timing down, and the tab itself was a little iffy (as they always seem to be). I had to listen to the riff in the song over and over again, listening carefully to the pitches of each note, and the timing between them, etc., to get the riff down. Eventually I got it, after a lot of effort. And being able to play it feels really really good. And this is the stuff I really wanna be able to play, as opposed to boring chords. Moreso whole solos than just riffs (though riffs are fun in their own right).
But a solo is like a dozen different riffs (or "licks", if you will - and that's just for a short solo) strung one after another, usually played fast. So it generally takes the effort of learning one riff times a dozen (or more, for the longer solos), to learn a solo. And that's a lot of effort. Of course, some solos are pretty easy, and some are really hard, and they all vary in difficulty. I'm sure other people - "true" musician types - can work stuff like this out a lot easier and/or faster than I can. But I'm not here today to talk about envy. I've proven to myself that I can work this stuff out if I really really work at it. And the portions of solos I can play are some of my favorite things to play - example, the opening riff for Steppin' Out played by Eric Clapton on the Bluesbreakers LP (I know, I'm mixing up riffs and solos now, just try to stay with me).
Another thing I love to play is the first four "measures" or so of I'm Going Home by Ten Years After, featuring Alvin "Fastest Fingers" Lee - as seen on the Woodstock film. Sure, four "measures" doesn't sound like a lot, but when it's Alvin Lee, baby, it's like a universe's worth of flurried notes (it's not really, but it sure feels like it). Just tonight I worked out the next four measures or so (with tons of effort), including getting past a part that's stumped me since I learned the first part. I gotta practice it a lot now to cement it into my memory, and a few of the sections are still weak, but it feels great to play it, even if I have to slow it down a bit yet.
My point here is, I can work this stuff out if I really work at it, but my problem is making the effort. I have some kind of mental deficiency that creates a strong desire within me to avoid doing stuff - moreso stuff that either requires effort or induces stress. I *want* to spend all day every day for months working out solos and stuff - and can you imagine what that would do for my playing ability? But I just can't get myself to *do* it. As soon as I come up against a wall, I feel a strong (really really strong) desire to turn around and take a nap or something, rather than chip away at the wall. This is why I'm a failure at life. But no amount of telling myself to "just do it" makes it the least bit easier for me.
And this is why I'm "just a picture of what I could have been".
04 November, 2008
Death Stalks My Dreams
I had some more vivid dreams last night. I'd love to describe them in detail, but unfortunately I don't really remember the details. I do remember, though, that one of them had me facing death again. I was being chased by some madman for some reason, or something like that, and I was holed up in the house, hiding. The part I remember involved somebody banging on the door from the outside and tossing an axe through the window (shattering the window in the process, of course) and chopping the door to pieces. Pretty intense. I'm starting to get the feeling that maybe Death is stalking my dreams or something. That'd be terrible if I just didn't wake up one of these days after one of those dreams. I just hope Death doesn't decide to go all Freddy Krueger on me. *That* could get messy.
02 November, 2008
Silent Hill 4: The Room
Having just beat Silent Hill 4: The Room for the first time, here are my general impressions. It helps to realize that the game was originally intended to be a spinoff of the Silent Hill series. This goes a long way in explaining why, though it definitely feels like a Silent Hill game, it has certain elements that veer from standard expectations of a Silent Hill game.
The game centers around The Room, which you, as Henry Townshend, are stuck in, since the door is chained shut (though from the inside). You travel to various "worlds" through mysterious holes that appear in the apartment, and it isn't clear if these are just dreams or reality or what. Interestingly, there's only one save point in the entire game, and it's in The Room (which despite being the "safe haven", starts to get pretty creepy later in the game as it gets more and more haunted). Since you're frequently coming back to The Room via holes that show up all over the alternate worlds you explore, there's still plenty of chances to save your game. Although, it does get kind of tiresome after awhile to go through the hole and back into the apartment every single time you want to save your game, or shuffle your inventory.
Which brings me to another innovation this game features. You can only carry a certain number of items at one time (ten or so). Everything else has to be stored in a chest in The Room. Early in the game, you get a notice warning you to travel light in that other world, or else you may regret it. Which is true, because you never know when you're gonna pick something new up, and you especially want to have space for the important things. Which means you can only carry so much health and ammo at once. It's not so bad, since there are holes leading back to the apartment pretty much everywhere, but it's still a pain after awhile to go all the way back through the hole every time you need to grab something or put something away.
The plot of the story is totally Silent Hill worthy, about a serial killer named Walter Sullivan who seems to be continuing his killing streak from beyond the grave. One thing I noticed in the game is the lack of boss fights. From what I can recall, there were two battles that could be considered boss fights, and one of them (the one that's not the final boss) was hardly even that. On the one hand, bosses scare the crap out of me, but honestly, the experience suffers a bit from not having them.
The other major difference about this game was the inclusion of ghosts and hauntings. There were still the usual Silent Hill demons roaming around, but this time there was a large emphasis on "ghosts", which, while definitely cool in concept, are incredibly annoying, considering that they can hurt you psychically, just by being close to you, and that they are effectively IMMORTAL! I hate enemies that I can't kill. There are certain items you can use: the Saint Medallions nullify the ghosts' psychic attacks; Holy Candles can be placed to kill off the ghosts (although they sometimes have a tendency to come back); and there are a few Swords of Obedience scattered about that you can use to pin a ghost down indefinitely. And these are all really cool gameplay elements, but the fact that there are only so many of these items, and the medallions break after a certain time of use, means that a lot of the ghosts you just have to run from.
Speaking of items breaking, let's talk about the weapons. This game is shy on the guns (providing only a pistol and revolver), choosing to focus more on the melee weapons, it seems. Some of these can break if used too much. Which, again, is interesting, but makes me hesitant to ever use them. Still, I wasn't too bothered by fighting my way through Hell with a steel pipe, axe, or even the Pickaxe of Despair (very powerful, but slow to use), pulling out the pistol for those hairier situations. Of course, there were always the immortal ghosts to bug me...
Oh yes, there's also the matter of the camera. Inside The Room, the game utilizes a first-person perspective, which just takes a little getting used to. It was pretty jarring at first though. Thankfully, the majority of the game (including the sections with combat), revert to the traditional third-person perspective, although the camera angle and movement (despite the fact that you can force it to just over your shoulder, good for combat) can be frustrating at times.
There are five main worlds throughout the game - subway, forest, building, apartment, and hospital. You actually end up going through each one twice (except hospital), and unfortunately, it gets a *little* tiresome towards the end. As for the Silent Hill "transformations" we've all become used to, there's much less of it here. You still get the same idea, contrasting The Room with the worlds, and especially in the apartment world, but there's less of a focus on that actual transformation, and going through one place in both worlds and marking the terrifying differences. Also, I found there to be, overall, less darkness in this game. Not to say that the game wasn't terribly creepy, but I think it's a little bit less creepy than the previous SH games, environment-wise.
Final game stats seem a little lighter (meaning that there's less of 'em that seem to count) than in previous SH games. My first time through, play time clocked in at just over 11 hours, with 62 saves (I've always been a heavy saver), and 633 kills (which I have reason to believe is a high number). I got the "bad" ending out of four possible. I want to try for the others, but the experience has left me a bit drained and I'm not sure I have the energy for it. My rank was a mediocre 5.5 stars.
At any rate, it was an enjoyable game. Creepy, too - definitely. Deviations from the expected formula may water down the Silent Hill experience slightly, but it's still generally a Silent Hill experience, and the innovations, for better or worse, were certainly interesting to try out. And you can't miss the storyline if you're a Silent Hill fan.
The game centers around The Room, which you, as Henry Townshend, are stuck in, since the door is chained shut (though from the inside). You travel to various "worlds" through mysterious holes that appear in the apartment, and it isn't clear if these are just dreams or reality or what. Interestingly, there's only one save point in the entire game, and it's in The Room (which despite being the "safe haven", starts to get pretty creepy later in the game as it gets more and more haunted). Since you're frequently coming back to The Room via holes that show up all over the alternate worlds you explore, there's still plenty of chances to save your game. Although, it does get kind of tiresome after awhile to go through the hole and back into the apartment every single time you want to save your game, or shuffle your inventory.
Which brings me to another innovation this game features. You can only carry a certain number of items at one time (ten or so). Everything else has to be stored in a chest in The Room. Early in the game, you get a notice warning you to travel light in that other world, or else you may regret it. Which is true, because you never know when you're gonna pick something new up, and you especially want to have space for the important things. Which means you can only carry so much health and ammo at once. It's not so bad, since there are holes leading back to the apartment pretty much everywhere, but it's still a pain after awhile to go all the way back through the hole every time you need to grab something or put something away.
The plot of the story is totally Silent Hill worthy, about a serial killer named Walter Sullivan who seems to be continuing his killing streak from beyond the grave. One thing I noticed in the game is the lack of boss fights. From what I can recall, there were two battles that could be considered boss fights, and one of them (the one that's not the final boss) was hardly even that. On the one hand, bosses scare the crap out of me, but honestly, the experience suffers a bit from not having them.
The other major difference about this game was the inclusion of ghosts and hauntings. There were still the usual Silent Hill demons roaming around, but this time there was a large emphasis on "ghosts", which, while definitely cool in concept, are incredibly annoying, considering that they can hurt you psychically, just by being close to you, and that they are effectively IMMORTAL! I hate enemies that I can't kill. There are certain items you can use: the Saint Medallions nullify the ghosts' psychic attacks; Holy Candles can be placed to kill off the ghosts (although they sometimes have a tendency to come back); and there are a few Swords of Obedience scattered about that you can use to pin a ghost down indefinitely. And these are all really cool gameplay elements, but the fact that there are only so many of these items, and the medallions break after a certain time of use, means that a lot of the ghosts you just have to run from.
Speaking of items breaking, let's talk about the weapons. This game is shy on the guns (providing only a pistol and revolver), choosing to focus more on the melee weapons, it seems. Some of these can break if used too much. Which, again, is interesting, but makes me hesitant to ever use them. Still, I wasn't too bothered by fighting my way through Hell with a steel pipe, axe, or even the Pickaxe of Despair (very powerful, but slow to use), pulling out the pistol for those hairier situations. Of course, there were always the immortal ghosts to bug me...
Oh yes, there's also the matter of the camera. Inside The Room, the game utilizes a first-person perspective, which just takes a little getting used to. It was pretty jarring at first though. Thankfully, the majority of the game (including the sections with combat), revert to the traditional third-person perspective, although the camera angle and movement (despite the fact that you can force it to just over your shoulder, good for combat) can be frustrating at times.
There are five main worlds throughout the game - subway, forest, building, apartment, and hospital. You actually end up going through each one twice (except hospital), and unfortunately, it gets a *little* tiresome towards the end. As for the Silent Hill "transformations" we've all become used to, there's much less of it here. You still get the same idea, contrasting The Room with the worlds, and especially in the apartment world, but there's less of a focus on that actual transformation, and going through one place in both worlds and marking the terrifying differences. Also, I found there to be, overall, less darkness in this game. Not to say that the game wasn't terribly creepy, but I think it's a little bit less creepy than the previous SH games, environment-wise.
Final game stats seem a little lighter (meaning that there's less of 'em that seem to count) than in previous SH games. My first time through, play time clocked in at just over 11 hours, with 62 saves (I've always been a heavy saver), and 633 kills (which I have reason to believe is a high number). I got the "bad" ending out of four possible. I want to try for the others, but the experience has left me a bit drained and I'm not sure I have the energy for it. My rank was a mediocre 5.5 stars.
At any rate, it was an enjoyable game. Creepy, too - definitely. Deviations from the expected formula may water down the Silent Hill experience slightly, but it's still generally a Silent Hill experience, and the innovations, for better or worse, were certainly interesting to try out. And you can't miss the storyline if you're a Silent Hill fan.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
