Incommunicado

It occurs to me that my posting on this blog has slowed to a crawl. Looking back, I get the sense that my previous need to post a personal blog was largely a result of my loneliness. I had noone to talk to, but I had thoughts and feelings that I felt a need to communicate, so I decided to communicate them to the internet. I guess that's why some people turn their nose at people like that who talk about personal issues on the internet. They either don't have a need to communicate those things, or else they have people in their life they can communicate them to, and look down on those who don't "have any friends". As it turns out now, I have the sort of friend that I can actually talk about my feelings with (not usually as popular - and in my case not as comfortable - among 'the guys'), so I feel that maybe I don't have a need to vent on the internet as much.

It's interesting, though, to consider my need to communicate, given that I'm so guarded in real life. I do really want to share my life and my experiences with people, I guess I just have my own problems with the social interface that makes it extremely difficult for me to do it that way. I also like to complain that my interests are often unusual, if not controversial, and I fear how people would judge me. In reality, I suspect that people might just think that much more of me, when they learn what an interesting person I am. Still, when I see something like this, and think to myself 'oh my god, that's awesome, I have to share it with people', I'm at a loss as to who or why anyone else would be able to appreciate my enthusiasm.

As far as blog posting goes, my efforts have been concentrated on my two other blogs lately. There is The Screaming Axe, where I now post all my reviews, as well as any horror and music-related posts. And then there is Truth & Beauty, where I talk about issues related to my photography - specifically, issues regarding my independent sexological studies. That blog is also illustrated with my erotic photography, and is therefore "not safe for work".

As for this blog, I started it under the title A NEET Life, as a means to document my pathetic existence as a recluse. Then I started fighting back against my crippling social anxiety, and renamed the blog Bridge To Better Days, reflecting the gradual (projected) improvement in my life quality. But it's a long and hard struggle, and frankly, as proud as I seemed to be to announce my reclusive lifestyle to the world, I feel kind of self-conscious about talking about how hard I'm struggling to do the sorts of social things that 99% of the population does effortlessly and takes for granted, and the extreme difficulty I'm having in fitting in to the expected mode of living. Maybe I should rant and vent my frustration here more often, for posterity. Because it really pisses me off sometimes. But I'm trying to be positive, and the best way to do that is not to think about it too much (which is something I tend to do by nature, and is a habit I perhaps need to stop).

And I guess, you know, that last part really says it all.