Celebrity Crushes

At some point an indeterminate amount of time ago (the timestamp on a rough draft indicates early March of 2020, just before the lockdowns), I encountered a meme that involved posting pictures of your celebrity crushes to show if you have a type. It seemed like an interesting experiment (and who doesn't like spending time thinking about people they're attracted to?), but I refrained from participating because I wasn't interested in giving anyone an opportunity to make assumptions about me based on contemporary moral fads. But seeing as this blog is a place for me to testify to my own truth, and I was recently thinking about some old crushes I could add to the list (as well as some new ones), I wanted to revisit the concept.

But first, I had to ask myself, what counts as a crush? Endless is the debate over whether "love at first sight" truly exists. Whether it's love or lust or just a superficial infatuation, I can attest that it is a real phenomenon. And while magnetic attraction is not a sufficient condition for a successful, committed relationship (it may not even be a necessary one), it does play a meaningful role in the human mating cycle, and the associated feelings can bring joy and pleasure to a person even in the absence of reciprocation, as is the case when you crush on a celebrity whom you will probably never even meet. Indeed, that distance can serve as a kind of protective barrier, creating a playing field in which one can explore their feelings one-sided, free from the logistics of an actual relationship, and without risk of heartbreak (or any real threat to existing partners, provided a mature foundation of trust). Sure, sometimes people can take it too far, but that doesn't mean it's not healthy the rest of the time.

All of which is to say, there have been a lot of celebrities that I have found attractive (as is true of most people, I think), but having a crush implies somewhat of an obsession - usually with consuming the media they appear in, and/or investing in merchandising associated with them. And there are different levels of crushing, too. I have certainly had more crushes than I am about to list (like, can I really include Freya Allan, just because she's the perfect representation of my type - she's named after the Norse goddess of love, by the way - even though I've only ever seen her in The Witcher? [and yes, this parenthetical phrase exists just so I can link a picture of her intoxicating beauty]), but I've tried to focus on the most intense or longest lasting ones, that have made the strongest impression on my life, while also filling a convenient 9 square grid. Also, I'm excluding cartoon characters (because that's a whole different arena) - although it's worth mentioning that I had a humongous boyhood crush on Ariel from The Little Mermaid (the least dressed of all the Disney Princesses - unless slave Leia from Return of the Jedi counts now :-p).

Shall we get on with it, then?

Liv Tyler - Daughter of rock royalty, this had to be one of my earliest celebrity crushes, because I actually forgot that I used to crush on her! I think it's safe to say that seeing her portray Arwen in Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy made a strong impression on me (I have a thing for elves). I feel like Ms. Tyler set the trend for my celebrity crushes, because I still have an old folder of modeling pics I searched out online (in an era long before Instagram was ever dreamed up); and in researching her past roles, I discovered the intoxicating (and often erotic) world of independent arthouse films, via a Bernardo Bertolucci picture (Stealing Beauty) starring Jeremy Irons - in which she appears topless!

Mischa Barton - I suppose most people who have heard of Mischa Barton know her from The OC (which I actually haven't seen), but I discovered her before she ever appeared on that show. My heart broke for her in Lost and Delirious, a story of spoilt innocence and doomed romance at an all girls' boarding school. By no means mainstream, I had fun tracking down her other coming-of-age movies: including the cult favorite Lawn Dogs, in which she forges an unlikely friendship with Sam Rockwell; the gritty Pups, in which an ill-considered bank robbery is foiled by Burt Reynolds; and Frankie and Hazel, in which she rebels against gender norms as a ballerina who dreams of playing baseball.

Michelle Trachtenberg - Aside from Eurotrip (which was a fun movie), and her adorable turn as Harriet The Spy, I never really went on a hunt for this actress' other roles, like I usually do with my celebrity crushes, but the extent of my obsession with her was apparent from the moment she turned up on Buffy the Vampire Slayer as Buffy's (surprise!) bratty little sister Dawn, radiating teen angst. Other Buffy fans I've talked to have told me they hated her and thought she was annoying, but that didn't stop me from harvesting an indecent amount of screencaps (I'd be truly embarrassed to tell you the number) for my computer's screensaver at the time (this was before we all started using static lock screens). You could say my obsession with her was not as broad, but it was pretty deep for a while.

Dakota Fanning - My gold standard for celebrity crushes. When I first saw Dakota in War of the Worlds, she failed to make an impression on me. But then, she was just a kid given little to do besides run around screaming while aliens destroyed the world. When she later snagged the role of Cherie Currie in the Runaways biopic (alongside Kristen Stewart's Joan Jett), I stood up and took notice. I hadn't realized what an accomplished actress she already was, but I made a concerted effort to educate myself. From her breakout role on I Am Sam (opposite Sean Penn) at the age of seven, to the dark coming of age drama Hounddog, in which she filmed a rape scene at the age of twelve (depicted with considerable restraint, mind you), this was a precocious child star with a maturity beyond her young years. I was beyond impressed.

Elle Fanning - Originally scoring bit parts as an age-regressed version of her older sister Dakota's characters in various movies, Elle eventually broke out on her own as an actress, in a career that mirrors her sister's, with slightly more of a focus on "artsy" projects. Some of her more memorable roles include her first starring role at the age of nine, in a serious drama about a child with Tourette Syndrome (Phoebe in Wonderland), and Nicolas Winding Refn's at times surreal and Argento-esque voyage into the nightmarish dreamscape of the west coast modeling scene (The Neon Demon). Elle has even played a Disney princess! Albeit in a movie that was designed to showcase the villain (Maleficent), and not the princess (Aurora - a.k.a. Sleeping Beauty). More lately, she's been doing an amazing job as Catherine on the Hulu series The Great. It could just be my own focus, but as Dakota has scaled back her media presence, it seems to me that Elle has stepped to the forefront in her stead.

Chloe Grace Moretz - You probably remember her as the violent, trash-talking, wannabe superhero schoolgirl Hit-Girl in Kick-Ass (and its sequel). But she has a long list of horror and sci-fi credits to her name, if few of them have had the clout to propel her to A-list status. Nevertheless, as a little kid she starred in the remake of The Amityville Horror, as well as one of AfterDark Horrorfest's 8 Films To Die For (Wicked Little Things), and appeared alongside a pre-Winter's Bone (not to mention The Hunger Games) Jennifer Lawrence in a gritty drama about a single mother slash prostitute (The Poker House). She starred as Carrie in the Stephen King remake, fought off an alien apocalypse in The Fifth Wave, and more recently tackled alternate reality in The Peripheral. But it was Chloe's penchant for challenging, mature-for-her-age roles that initially captured my interest, from the American remake of the dark Swedish vampire romance Let Me In, to a serial killer drama about the Texas Killing Fields, and the hard-boiled coming-of-age road trip that is Hick. It's always a thrill to hear about what she's working on next.

Emma Watson - Not usually one to jump on the bandwagon, I was late to the Harry Potter fandom. I'm a huge fan now, thanks to my brother's recommendation of the books - and a spontaneous dream I had about Emma Watson, whom I recall catching my eye via sporadic scenes on TV from as early as The Prisoner of Azkaban (the movie in which she stripped off her house robe to reveal her blossoming attributes). For a long time before I finally sat down to watch the movies (in the year of the final one's release), I knew it was going to be Emma's natural beauty and charisma that would rope me in. Growing up through eight Harry Potter movies is admittedly a hard act to follow, but Emma shines in everything she does - including being the second actress on this list to star as a Disney princess! (This time it's Belle from Beauty and the Beast). I also enjoyed her participation in the true story dramatization of the Hollywood Hills burglaries, The Bling Ring. Behind the scenes Emma portrays sophistication, intelligence, and high fashion, while championing the cause of feminism. And I'll be honest, I love that posh British accent.

Miley Cyrus - I've written about this elsewhere [NSFW], but I'll summarize the highlights. Initially annoyed by all the merchandising for Hannah Montana, when Miley ended her relationship with Disney, and entered her rebellious teenage phase, I started to take notice. Shooting implied nudes for Annie Leibovitz; rumors of dancing on stage around a stripper pole; singing about liberty and individuality on the album Can't Be Tamed. When she posed unabashedly naked for Marc Jacobs to raise awareness for skin cancer, starred equally (un)dressed in the music video for smash hit Wrecking Ball, and then humped a foam finger while twerking on stage in flesh-colored underwear during the MTV VMAs, I was entranced by her confident, sex-positive attitude. A lot of what she does turns people off, but it's performance art. And this world needs more strong women willing to unapologetically embrace and take ownership of their sexuality. She's not just beautiful and talented, she's also kind, and a vocal supporter of LGBT rights. And though she produces pop music (helping me to break through the barrier and appreciate new genres), she's also covered some of my favorite bands in concert (including Led Zeppelin and Pink Floyd). People are still surprised by it, but what Hannah sung all those years ago is true - "[she] really [is] a rock star."

Jordyn Jones - Being my latest obsession, who I've not just written about before, but recently, I should be able to skip a lot of the details. I've been aware of her for probably the better part of the last decade, and was an instant fan of her early music videos, which apply a cute, girly aesthetic to hip hop. Then for a while I was only really aware of her as a popular Instagram model, until my recent Dance Moms obsession brought her back into focus (via Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition). Seeing that she's released a ton of songs and videos on Youtube, as well as more recently started a podcast, I fell down the rabbit hole of her social media presence, absorbing just about everything she's done in the public eye that I can get my hands on. I stan Jordyn because she's pretty, talented, projects confidence, and has such a cheerful and bubbly personality (which is a nice counterbalance to my own characteristically gloomy demeanor).