Ode to Dakota

I first saw Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds, with Tom Cruise and Tim Robbins (who starred in one of my favorite films of all time - Jacob's Ladder), but she didn't register on my radar at the time, as she was still just a child, and I knew nothing about her. But she caught my attention several years later, when controversy erupted over her role in Hounddog (which was filmed at least two years before it finally got released). Then, she earned her place as one of my favorite actresses by co-starring in the rock biopic The Runaways alongside Kristen Stewart (all grown up since Panic Room, and following her minor but unforgettable role in Into The Wild).

Considering that I've only seen her in a small fraction of her many movie (and TV) roles (a situation I've been meaning to rectify for quite some time now, and am currently in the process of doing), the reason Dakota Fanning captivates me so much is that, in addition to her talent and personality, she is breathtakingly gorgeous. I'd wager that she is my perfect type. Mature for her young age, yet with a youthful vitality. Able to maintain a level head despite her celebrity status. And above all, she is the prettiest girl in the world (yes, even prettier than Emma Watson, though unlike Emma, Dakota unfortunately hasn't visited me in my dreams...yet). Blonde hair, impossibly fair skin, slender frame. And a very feminine fashion sense.

And because I'm vain, I want to share with you some of my favorite pictures of Dakota Fanning that I've come across on the web. I went into a frenzy and collected over 3,000 images over the past week, culled it down to a couple hundred favorites, and then picked the very best from those to share with you here! Though, there's still so many; I'm going to have to split them up. We start with young Dakota:

Dakota's too gorgeous to contain in a single post. Stay tuned for more!

Musical Repertoire

Just for fun, I'm gonna list all the songs in my musical repertoire that are, as of right this moment (because it evolves constantly over time), currently a part of my practice regimen. I practice guitar for at least an hour every day, and I perform at various local open stages - currently there are two I go to, which happen to be on the same night. A while ago I had a set of songs I practiced regularly each night, but as I've been learning more and more songs, I've reached a point where I have enough under my belt that I can afford to be a lot more loose in my practice setlist.

Now, when it comes to performing these songs in front of an audience, there are some that I play more often than others, for a multitude of reasons. Some of these songs are more fun for me to play, some of them suit my playing (and singing) style better, some are better crowd pleasers than others, some I'm simply better at playing, and some are 'incomplete' in that I don't know all of the guitar solos (which I will hopefully take the time to learn someday). And of course, there are a ton of songs that I won't list here that I either half-know, or that I used to play in the past - and might be able to pull out if pressed, though I'd be concerned about remembering both how to play it (more so if there's a lead involved), as well as how to sing it (I am desperately in need of a real singer to accompany me whenever I perform in public...).

I will list these not in alphabetical order either by song title or artist name, which would be the obvious choice, but in thematic chunks, both because that makes them easier for me to remember, and also because that's generally how I play them, so it will better reflect what my practice setlist would be like (provided I stood there and played all the songs listed - and if I did, I think I could probably fill close to a two hour time slot, if not more).

Here we go...

Blues:

John Mayall's Bluesbreakers - Stepping Out
John Mayall's Bluesbreakers/Otis Rush - All Your Love (I Miss Loving)
Jimi Hendrix Experience - Red House
Stevie Ray Vaughan - Leave My Girl Alone

Rock:

Deep Purple - Smoke On The Water
Black Sabbath - Wicked World
Black Sabbath - Black Sabbath
The Doors - Roadhouse Blues
Neil Young - Rockin' In The Free World
Neil Young - Cowgirl In The Sand

Less Distortion:

Lynyrd Skynyrd - Simple Man
Tom Petty - Mary Jane's Last Dance
Tom Petty - Good Enough
The Rolling Stones - Angie

Featured Artists:

Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac - Man Of The World
Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac - Jumping At Shadows
Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac - The Green Manalishi
Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac - World Keep On Turning
Peter Green's Fleetwood Mac - Black Magic Woman

Robin Trower - Too Rolling Stoned
Robin Trower - Day Of The Eagle
Robin Trower - Bridge Of Sighs
Robin Trower - I Can't Wait Much Longer

Ten Years After - I'm Goin' Home Intro/Love Like A Man
Ten Years After - Good Morning Little Schoolgirl
Ten Years After - You Give Me Loving

Leftovers:

Big Brother & The Holding Company - Piece of My Heart
Derek And The Dominos - Layla
The Runaways - Cherry Bomb
Pink Floyd - Have A Cigar

Rare Plays:

The Allman Brothers Band - In Memory Of Elizabeth Reed
Roy Buchanan - The Messiah Will Come Again

Taking Responsibility For My Choices

Incidentally, today is Secretaries Day. That doesn't really mean anything to me, but it just so happens that the subject I want to explore in this blog post has some relation to a film titled Secretary, starring James Spader and Maggie Gyllenhaal, which I watched a while back during my phase of being interested in serious movies depicting alternative sexual lifestyles. This one is about a D/s relationship (that is, a fully D/s relationship, even outside the bedroom) and is significant in that it demonstrates that - contrary to sensationalist stereotypes - Doms can actually care about the wellbeing of those they dominate, and subs can enjoy (or even thrive on) being dominated. And that last point is what ties into my theme for today.

I was out walking in the beautiful eighty degree weather today, and had worked up a bit of a sweat toward the end of my walk (which took me through the woods). I was contemplating taking my shirt off (which, as a nudist, would be a step towards a much more enjoyable state of being), but my fear of drawing attention and/or being judged negatively by others prevented me from taking that step. Obviously, taking my shirt off on public streets is not illegal or anything like that, and I wouldn't have even been the only one (although certainly within the minority). But, you know how people are, even about partial 'nudity'. Even if it's nothing you wouldn't see at a public swimming pool, some people don't mind it, but others do.

Really, I shouldn't care about those others who don't, because this is such a trivial thing (not comparable to doing something like shouting obscenities in someone's face). But, I do. Now, if I had been with another person who I knew was on my side, I would have been much more confident in the tacit knowledge that I was not alone in thinking my decision (to take off my shirt) was a good one. I would feel defended, backed up, and that could stand against anyone else's opinion who might disagree with me. I really should be confident enough that I can trust my own judgment, without having to defer to external support, but that's precisely my issue.

Because you see, if somebody tells me to do something, or explicitly agrees that something I had already wanted to do is a good idea, then I feel like I'm not totally responsible for doing it, if someone were to come up and complain. I could say, well, this other person wanted me to do it (or thought it was a good idea), so don't blame me. I want to be able to shirk the responsibility for making those choices, so I don't have to feel in a position where my judgment is being questioned. Because I much too easily succumb to those sorts of psychological attacks on my self-esteem.

What I need to learn how to do is to take responsibility for my choices. It's true that we all make mistakes, and this isn't the end of the world. If I make a bad judgment here and there, that's okay. As long as I'm committed to learning from my mistakes, and working together with other people that I (unfortunately) share this world with, then there's no justification for me to feel hated or despised. And when it comes to subjective considerations, such as the appropriateness of doffing one's top on a warm summery (even though it's still spring) day, I have to be able to stand up to my fear that someone might disapprove - because that's not the end of the world, either, and there's no rule that says that you have to please everyone all of the time, regardless of the personal sacrifices required.

But it's not entirely that straightforward, because there are lengths to which I'd like to go that are not as generally acceptable in public society as male toplessness. And yet, rarely are codified laws so specific as to be unambiguous - most of the time, these things are determined largely by 'community standards', where 'community standards' are largely assumed to be a certain set of behaviors - a certain set that I don't necessarily agree with. The confusion comes in regarding rare behaviors I would like to engage in that don't have a clear precedent of either acceptability or non-acceptability.

Just for example, the whole male toplessness thing works on exactly the same levels as full nudity. It's about people being offended by parts of the body. I know genitalia are clearly off-limits, but I fail to understand why. It's merely a difference of degree. Some people don't like to look at bare chests, yet it's allowed. Some people like to look at genitalia, but it's not allowed. It doesn't even have to be this perverted sexual thing, I fail to understand why simple nudist-style nudity is not tolerated in reasonable contexts - such as public streets and parks and pools and things like that (I'm not even talking about restaurants and business establishments here). And sometimes the law isn't all that clear-cut, and there's a question of exactly what you could get away with, and it might be as arbitrary as whether your particular local community gets upset or not. But then the risk of testing the waters could prove to be dire, so it's almost a chilling effect.

Getting back to taking responsibility for my choices. I just don't see how I could learn to be comfortable taking responsibility for my choice to go topless, while still restraining myself from going fully nude. The only thing that would stop me is a blind adherence to the law and fear of subjective community standards, and that's exactly the sort of thing that impairs my ability to live a happy, fulfilling, content life. I almost feel like, if I can't go all the way, I may as well impose a punishment on myself, to spite the community standards, by not going any distance at all. But of course, that's probably exactly what the system wants - to scare people into not taking risks until we're all terrified conformist yes-men.

The law and community standards make such little sense to me that I'm struggling to figure out an egosyntonic reason to follow them. It's not healthy living a life where you have to curb your natural impulses for no other reason than the fear of being beaten into submission by the authority of the state. And I'm not talking about impulses to go out and hurt someone. If someone has an impulse to murder, for example, then I might argue that, practically speaking (ideally, my position would be different), that person may not have recourse to a healthy life. But what is so terrible about wanting to walk down the street naked that I deserve to have to curb my impulses and live a restrained, resentful life? I agree that the law (and the community) should regulate things like murder - but when the law stretches out to cover things like what a person wears outdoors in public, I have a really hard time maintaining my respect in that law.

I choose to follow the law to my own personal detriment, because I recognize that the law has power over me, and I fear it. But in the process of trying to learn how to overcome my fear, I am at an obstacle, because I don't know how to be happy and remain obedient. And every step pushing me towards being more confident and trusting my intuition and reaching out and grabbing the things I want in life leaves me worrying that this can't happen as long as the law stands in my way. And I don't know which way to go. It's like I'm being pushed towards a ledge. I need to get off the ledge, but falling isn't the solution I had in mind. And I'm not so sure the people who are helping me can even see the drop-off. And of course I'm afraid to mention it, because the minute you start talking about breaking the law, you put yourself in dire jeopardy. Course, avoiding the issue doesn't make it any more likely that you'll avoid a disaster. I guess I'm not in much of a position to demand sanity from others...

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be more content being a prisoner with my integrity intact, than a hypocritical "free" man who doesn't practice the freedom he preaches. It seems to be a question of trading my psychological bars for physical ones.

If I had no fear, even then I would not go around hurting anyone, simply because that is not something I desire to do. I care about other people (too much, it seems). But I also care about myself, and there are things I do desire to do that carry restrictions in this social climate. It just really bothers me that the authorities can dictate the way I live my life in such a way as to prohibit certain activities - not because they harm anyone, but for purely arbitrary reasons. It's not right.

A Mention of Easter

I'm not religious, but I like Easter. In fact, if I were religious, I would probably like Easter much less. Because unlike some holidays (I'm looking at you, Christmas), Easter pretty much has zero requirements for the irreligious. I like the fact that I don't have to do anything. I can celebrate it or not celebrate it on a whim. And the content of that celebration is entirely up to my own plans and desires.

But then, that doesn't really separate it from the countless non-holiday weekends that occur throughout the year. I also like that it's a celebration of spring. It's a good time of year, when the weather's finally starting to get nicer, and you have the summer to look forward to. And I like the bright colors of Easter, and the symbolism of life. I like that girls are encouraged to dress up in really pretty Easter dresses. I like having deviled eggs and Cadbury creme eggs and Reese's peanut butter eggs. I think chocolate bunnies are both cute and delicious. I like having an excuse to watch/listen to Jesus Christ Superstar, which (despite not being religious) is my favorite musical ever.

And I love knowing the Pagan traditions that underpin Easter. Eggs and chicks can be written off as symbols of 'new life', which accompany the Christian theme of resurrection, but the inclusion of rabbits belies the Pagan focus on fertility. To me, this feels like a naughty secret, that imbues a Christian holy day with hidden sexual connotations. And naturally, that excites me.

After all, my favorite thing about Easter over all...is bunny chicks!

Two Complaints (Re: Cosplay Photos)

If you haven't seen my addendum to my last post, I'm giving you a head's up here - it contains information about the DeathCom photos I appear in.

I just wanted to take a moment to voice two complaints I have re: searching through people's cosplay photos from the con (now two weeks past). And both of these things seem to be a casualty of modern internet culture. Now I don't want to sound like I'm whining about how young people are choosing to express themselves these days, it's just that there are a few practical matters that make my searching through con photos and looking for pics of myself a lot harder.

First of all, there's the concept of privacy settings. It doesn't make much sense to post a public link to a private photo gallery. Granted, this usually happens by mistake, but I see people trying to fix it, and the gallery still comes up as private. And no, friending random strangers to see their private pictures isn't the best solution. I know, Facebook (and no, I'm not afraid to name names) is trying to 'protect kids from themselves' (that is, protect them from others by preempting their own alleged 'stupidity') by setting recommended privacy defaults and making it really complicated to change them. The end result is a mess of confusion and a bunch of pictures I should be able to view, but can't.

The other complaint I have is that it seems like a very hip thing to post slideshows on YouTube featuring the pictures you took mixed in with the random videos you took, with a song of your choice (bound to agree with only a small percentage of your audience's tastes) playing over top. Okay, so it's really 'cool' and everything, but it's a pain in the ass for people who are there to see the pictures you took, and not to get to know you better by viewing your little creative montage (which I get the feeling is often created on the fly by some sort of automated program).

It takes me a matter of seconds to scan through a picture gallery, and spot the pictures I want to look at, or the pictures that have someone in them I know. I have to sit for a few minutes (or up to eight minutes and more) to watch your slideshow montage. And if I do see an image I like, it's prohibitively difficult for me to download it and save it in my archives. Now, in other cases, there are issues about creator rights and stealing and all that, but con photos are largely (being the rule rather than the exception) shared to be shared, and it's 1) excepted that people like to collect con photos they like, and 2) generally expected that people will want to keep a copy of any photos they themselves turn up in (and are therefore usually provided the opportunity without having to go out of their way to ask - and remember, this isn't professional photography we're talking about). So this isn't a case of me saying, "you should make it easier for me to steal your photos", it's a case of me lamenting that this particular venue of expression makes it extremely difficult to first locate and then save the pictures I'm looking for, that are there for me to find anyway.

I figure most people just go and do what they're used to, without thinking very long or hard about what level of user-friendliness their audiences will experience. And Facebook and YouTube are very popular. And yes, I guess a slideshow montage is more 'exciting' than a boring photo gallery. I'd like to see more people, however, take a little more time to consider their audiences when they share. You can have your slideshow montage and all that, but maybe provide some options, so people can make choices for their own convenience. Provide some kind of organization for the media you have, so people can find it and look through it more easily, and know what they can expect to find. And no, it's not any sort of requirement, but it's only polite (and responsible) to post a link to your media on the official con forum if you have any expectation of other con-goers being able to view/find that media.

Cosplay Pictures (Part 2)

It looks like I'm finally finished working on all my cosplay pictures and getting them posted up. I put up a bunch on my (previously empty) profile at cosplay.com (link), which is great, because I am excited to actually have some content on there - it's proof that I am now officially a COSPLAYER! And I can't wait for my next chance to cosplay. You can find pictures of my Tentacle Rape cosplay here (linked previously in my con diary), and my Chii cosplay here (the pink dress!).

You can also find all of those pictures and a few more on my flickr photostream [deprecated] in this set. Because of the way flickr works, some of them are hidden behind a content filter, on account of how skimpy that skirt is. You may have to adjust your safety settings to see them. Of course, if you're not accustomed to seeing men in [extremely] skimpy skirts (and don't find the concept charming), you might prefer not to view those anyway. :-p

Unfortunately I haven't really found any more pictures of me that others took at the con. And there are several that I was hoping to find. The initial influx of con photo galleries has slowed by now, but depending on people's schedules, they may not have had a chance to put their photos up yet. Or they may be hiding somewhere unlinked on the official con forum, where only chance and luck will lead you to them. I'm hoping some more shots of me will turn up over time...

Addendum: DeathCom photos are finally up. They are a group that goes around to conventions and sets up 'professional' booths to take pictures of cosplayers/congoers for free, in the hopes that some of them will pay for quality prints. Personally, I'm not real fond of 'studio photography' - the lighting is harsh (exposing all your flaws), and the background lifeless. But it has its uses, and it's a nice 'official document' of my cosplays. You can see pictures of me from both Friday and Saturday. This is my favorite shot they got. Considering that I'm not anywhere near as pretty as the real Chii, it's not a half bad picture.

And now for some complaints...

Cosplay Pictures (Part 1)

Now that my con photos are uploaded and ready to view (with the exception of the pictures I took of my own cosplay, that I am still processing), I provide here a link for those of you who read my con diary and are curious to see the pictures I spoke so highly of therein:

zharth's Tekkoshocon IX pictures

I will let you know when the other pictures (that I took of myself) are ready. In the meantime, there are bound to be some pictures that other people took of me already floating around in cyberspace. So far that I have seen, this one is my favorite, despite my being relegated to the background. There is also this picture of me posing with another Chii in the same outfit! If you come across any other pictures of me (that I didn't take), feel free to give me a shout, I'd love to see them! For reference, this is the outfit I wore on Friday, and here's a picture of me in what I wore on Saturday:

Continue to Part 2