The Great Nothing

It's a sobering realization, after putting years of work into a lifelong project, when you think about how many people will never get to see the final product, because they ran out their clocks while you were still working on it. But it's even more sobering when you think about how many of those people would never have seen it anyway, even if they'd still been alive when it was finished - because they simply aren't interested.

And that's not a dig against them. I just think it's a tragedy that taste is subjective. Your mileage may vary, and I may just be reflecting my own faults, but it is my experience that every man is an island. Ironic though it is, it is even more readily apparent in this hyper-connected techno-global community. We are all just isolated digital nodes pretending to be a network. (In honor of the show that first taught me this, we each have an impenetrable AT Field).

So many times I've shouted into the abyss, only to get in response nothing more than a few faint snarls, and the echo of my own voice. My innermost desire is to leave behind some proof that I existed. My lifelong struggle is coming to terms with the fact that I am nothing. The curse that was placed on my soul is the fate of being middling. The title of my autobiography is "Almost Gifted". I'm too good to fit in with the riff-raff. But not good enough to be counted among the greats. And it tortures me endlessly.

Tomb Raider Outfits

I'm nearing completion of Tomb Raider Remastered, an awesome game released early this year on Steam which compiles the first three original Tomb Raider games with lovingly remastered graphics (rest assured, the gameplay is untouched). And I wanted to highlight the various outfits Lara dons in these games. Playing these games in the late '90s was not only one of my early experiences directing a female protagonist in a video game (something that would later clue me in to my nontraditional gender identity), but it triggered an early awakening of my interest in fashion.

Especially Tomb Raider 2, which - liberating itself from the hardware limitations of the first game (and Lara's infamous "pyramid boobs") - had the heroine switching up her wardrobe during the course of her adventure. The box came with a cardboard cut-out silhouette of Lara Croft, which I would trace the outline of so I could draw in different types of clothing. This would later manifest in my yearning for a mannequin to dress up, and ultimately my interest (after I convinced myself that I could pull it off sufficiently well) in dressing myself up in various feminine fashions.

In any case, today I want to review the different canonical outfits Lara dons in the first three Tomb Raider games, and pick out my favorites. I've separated them into categories.

Classic Outfits

From the very first Tomb Raider game, Lara Croft made a splash in her iconic outfit - with brown shorts, a turquoise shirt, and hiking boots. Minor adjustments were made for the sequel (not counting the improved graphics - not shown here). But in Tomb Raider 3, a version with cropped top and green shorts was featured during her tropical tour of the South Pacific Islands. And then there's a bonus version with Lara torn and bloodied. Although I usually say "less is more", there's just something about that classic outfit - and I prefer the scooped neck of the Tomb Raider 2 upgrade.

Workout Gear

Before each adventure, the player has the option to visit Croft Manor and train with Lara in order to learn her moves. For this segment she dons her workout gear - introducing, in the first game, her very first alternate outfit. Although Lara is restricted to the inside of the mansion in the first game (once again due to hardware limitations and/or production deadlines), subsequent games allow her to explore the outdoor obstacle course and garden environs. I've also included Lara's desert camo in this category, from her stint in Nevada during Tomb Raider 3, since it's just a color swap of her training outfit from that game. My favorite version is actually the first one. I like the sporty top, and the lack of shoes makes it feel more intimate.

Baby, It's Cold Outside

From the Himalayas to the South Pole, Lara has never been afraid of a little snow. In Tomb Raider 2 she donned her iconic bomber jacket to raid a Tibetan monastery, and in Tomb Raider 3 her adventures culminated in a trip to Antarctica. I've gotta say, I'm not feeling the orange parka and white camo. But that bomber jacket is stylin' - and I love that Lara gets to keep her trademark shorts.

You Might Get Wet

In Tomb Raider 2, Lara squeezed into a wetsuit (who could forget her mid-conversation wardrobe change just off-camera during the cinematic?) to explore a sunken shipwreck, and fended off a home invasion wearing nothing but a bathrobe. I do like the wetsuit - it's one of only a few outfits that don't include shoes (not a very helpful accessory when you're doing a lot of swimming) - but that velvety blue bathrobe is goddess-tier. Nothing can compete with it. I just wish Lara had sported a bikini at some point in-game.

Wildcats

When Lara made a tour of London in Tomb Raider 3, she slipped into a sleek black catsuit to play the spy. But her Vegas vacation in the secret bonus level to the expansion for Tomb Raider 2 (titled The Golden mask) was a nightmare - right down to her garish leopard print evening wear, which I'd prefer to forget. A dress would have been nice - but understandably impractical for all the running, jumping, and climbing Lara does. But that catsuit? That's the stuff of fantasies.

An Open Letter

All politicians are corrupt. (Except maybe Bernie Sanders). As someone who used to be a conscientious non-voter, and who doesn't feel that ANY part of the mainstream reflects my personal values, I'm the last person to come out of the woodwork and tell you, THIS politician is different. But he is.

I mean, just on a superficial level, it's a bad look for the country. If you can't see that, then you're clearly biased. But it doesn't stop there. He poses a threat to national security, and the very system our country is based on. But that's not even the part that motivates me to speak out. I have my issues with the Democratic platform, but I detest Republican values even more. THAT'S not even the reason I'm in distress.

No matter what your beliefs are, or what you THINK Trump stands for, what scares me is the little people that feel empowered by having this doofus in the White House. You might not see them, living in your upscale suburban neighborhood or gated community. But I'm out here in the country, and I'm surrounded by them.

People with hatred in their hearts. People who aren't smart enough, or empathetic enough to curb their impulses. People who carry guns and are just looking for an excuse to use them. People who can't understand anyone that doesn't look like them, and who hate and fear anything they don't understand.

You're not one of those people. I know that. But in casting your lot with Trump, you're empowering those people. You're helping to give THEM a platform. And that's fucking scary.

Maybe you're not the target they're gunning for. You're not a minority. You're white. You're straight. You're male. You've got it made. But I know for a FACT that you have people you love who do fall into those categories that these people are out to destroy.

And it breaks my heart that you're helping them to do that. I hate to think that you're dumb enough or ignorant enough or brainwashed enough not to realize it, but the alternative - that you actually agree that people like me shouldn't exist - is even harder to stomach.

This country is SUPPOSED to be founded on liberty - the freedom to make our own choices in life, and pursue happiness in our own individual ways, while sharing the same rights and protections as everyone else. That's what America stands for. And that is NOT what Trump symbolizes.

Congratulations. You got lucky. Or you worked hard. You've made it. Does that give you the right to step on the necks of everybody else less fortunate than you? What a role model you are.

Omega Level Threat

I wish that everyone who voted for Trump out of ignorance and, hard as it is for me to say this, "good faith" had a candidate that stood for the particular issues they care about, instead of this seditious buffoon. I'm sure I'd still disagree and vote against this candidate, but at least then we'd restore some dignity to our politics.

Even if I had allowed myself to be hoodwinked into thinking Trump cared about the things I care about (like free speech and dismantling the system - but if you think a Republican regime with Trump at its helm is going to serve your interests, then you're dangerously naive), I still wouldn't support him for office of the president. He's a global embarrassment to our country. The only thing more embarrassing is that a majority of "we, the people" are dumb enough to throw their MAGA hats into his ring.

You don't have to put on Jackboots to be a Nazi. Handing power to the party is enough. Hell, stepping aside and letting them march in the streets is tantamount to support. I spent 18 years of my adult life believing that engaging in partisan politics was pointless. So believe me, I get it. But for those 14 million of you (only half of which would have been enough to defeat Trump) who thought, "Harris isn't great, might as well be Trump" - you're not paying attention. And the cost of freedom is eternal vigilance.

We've always had a "lesser evil" system of governance. And it's made little difference which brand of evil rises to the top. But if you can't recognize an omega level threat when it comes along, then you deserve what you're all about to get. I just wish you hadn't thrown the rest of us under the bus.

Crapshoot

My high school astronomy teacher's motto was "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right." I live by that philosophy, but mostly because I'm terrified of making mistakes and being judged for them. Regardless, the result is that I'm meticulous. I'm not dumb, but I'm a slow learner - because when I learn things, I learn them deep. I sit back and observe, absorbing and understanding, until I feel confident to step up. And where does it get me? Nowhere. Some half-brained ape gets all the opportunities and fumbles into success while the perfection and precision I've made painstaking effort to accomplish goes completely ignored. So much of what I was taught, and how I've conceived of the world from a young age, was a lie. I look for order, reason, and justice. There is none. Meritocracy is a fantasy. Life is a crapshoot; there is no skill more valuable than luck. And it's not something you can build or train or learn.

Coming Soon

In 1970, Dino Valenti sung, "I believe the revolution must be mighty close at hand." That was over 50 years ago. At what point does it start sounding like religious fundamentalists crying that "Jesus is coming soon"? I'm not anti-progress, but I don't want to be a hypocrite ("it works for me, but not for thee"), and I also don't want to be sitting around til my dying day banking on a fantasy that's not going to come true. Yes, we should live each day as if it were our last, and hold true to our principles, while working towards a better future - if not for ourselves, then for those who come after us. Absolutely. But we should also have perspective, and temper our idealism with reality. I don't want to live a life of delusion.

Scratching an Itch

I have very little experience with addiction (just putting that out there), but I liken chemical dependancy to creating an itch. It puts you in a bind, because not scratching can be maddening. But while scratching the itch might feel incredible, it only exacerbates the problem - until you're scratching your arm off, raw and bloody. Wouldn't it be better not to have the itch in the first place? I don't miss the scratching after the mosquito bite has healed. In fact, I don't even think about it. Because there's no itch. So why would I consciously put myself in that position?