Burning Photos

I know it's old news by now (over a year old), but every once in awhile I think about the photos I lost at Burning Man when my camera disappeared in the throng of people circling the smoldering ruins of the Man, after I had stripped off everything to join the festivities. As amazing an experience as Burning Man was, losing that camera is an unfortunate scar on the event. Not that I blame Burning Man for it, though. It was just a sad twist of fate.

But the photos I took there were once in a lifetime (unless I ever have the opportunity to go back). Not only was it Burning Man, which is a completely unique event, but it was also in the middle of the desert. When am I gonna find myself in the middle of the desert again? What a location. And furthermore, it was one of the few places I know of where you can roam naked through crowds of people, without hardly attracting a second glance, taking pictures as you go.

Speaking of which. I remember taking a few pictures out in front of Center Camp. I set up my camera beside my bike (you should have seen the contraption I built by combining my sun umbrella with the bike, and my attempt to anchor it enough to prevent the whole damn thing from blowing away in the wind), then went and stood center frame, with the camp behind me not too far in the distance, and the regular passage of people to either side of the path I was on. I remember some guy biking between me and the camera during one of my attempts, and I'm pretty sure he ruined the shot. Not his fault, I know, just a funny and somewhat frustrating coincidence.

I also took some great shots in the middle of a dust-storm, with me just far enough away from the camera to be partially though not wholly obscured by the dust. The dust in those storms was like a granular fog. I also remember getting some cool pictures of a dust devil that roamed through the city - I was at a perfect vantage point to get the perspective of it against the city, from just inside the border of the central circle of the playa.

Other shots I'll miss are the ones I took out on the deep playa, both during the day and during the night. During day, I took some great 'walking on the moon' type shots, including one with me in a despairing pose, which I already had a title planned for. I don't remember specifically what it was going to be, but it involved a cynical reference to friends/companions/guidance from others, that sort of thing. The idea being that some people say that everybody has somebody, when in truth there are some who are truly alone.

At night, I took some amazing shots. I don't know that they'd turn out that great, given the perspectives involved, but they'd be an awe-inducing reminder of the view from the trash fence deep playa at night. The city glowing and pulsing almost beyond the limit of hearing, spread out flat along the horizon at a wide angle, but squished vertically onto the surface of the earth, with an immense stretch of darkness above and below. Or, I might have tried to take shots of the stars, which were absolutely gorgeous from all the way out there. I don't know if that camera I had then was up to the task, but the stars were gorgeous regardless. You could see the Milky Way clearly. Too damn romantic a place to scope out without a date, but then again, it really makes you feel small and alone in the universe.

Even if I couldn't get the camera, or more importantly, the photos back, I still can't help being curious as to what happened to it. Was it tossed into the fire? Did it otherwise find its way into the fire (e.g., kicked unintentionally)? Was it picked up by someone? And if so, what was done with it? Was it tossed out? Was it 'refurbished'? Were my photos just deleted, just like that? Or are they still out there, somewhere, waiting to be rediscovered by historical anthropologists thousands of years from now? And what was with that one guy who emailed me after the festival, in response to my Lost & Found inquiry, who claimed to have my camera, but never responded to me after that? I never did get my camera back... What was it all for?

Questions of a thousand dreams...

Journal 009

Might as well right now get over the 'fear' of posting two Journal entries (or more?) in a row.

Today was the Superbowl. I actually feel kind of guilty mentioning it, because on the scale of football fandom (or fandom of sports of any kind), I'm located on the extreme with the people who could miss the Superbowl without realizing it - or caring. And I feel like acknowledging it automatically puts me in the group of casual fans who do care a little bit about the game. Well, there are two factors which brought the game to my attention this year. First of all, my dad's a huge football fan; he had no big Superbowl party to go to this year; and kickoff was during dinner - so there was no way I could have not been exposed. And secondly, Tom Petty was playing the half-time show, and I wanted to see that. So, since it was there, I decided to watch for the commercials, too, like any other non-fan would do. Nothing too mind-blowing, but you can tell that the stakes are higher - I know it wouldn't make sense financially and all that, but why can't advertisers be at the top of their game for regular commercials? Maybe then, people wouldn't hate commercial breaks so much...

Anyway, Petty's performance was, I'd say, par for the course. Pretty much what you'd expect from Petty playin' the Superbowl. I think I enjoyed the Stones' gig more, a couple years ago, but for a mainstream gig like this, they could do a lot worse than Petty (and truth be told, most of the years it *is* not even worth watching). The amount of sparkle throughout the stadium was pretty impressive. The songs Petty played were American Girl, I Won't Back Down, Free Fallin', and Runnin' Down A Dream. It's not surprising he'd play well-known songs - I mean, you might as well take advantage of that huge audience, and play songs they're gonna be able to sing along with. And besides, Petty doesn't seem like the type to pull out "artist's choice" on an important gig like playing at the Superbowl. I do like the spirit of adventurism in an artist, though, and I hope the rumours about Petty being looser with his setlists on the upcoming tour are true. I've seen him twice already, in 2005 and 2006, with 60% of his playlist repeated. Actually 60% sounds like a lot less than I was expecting.

It's 3 days into February, and I've already managed to slack off one day on my RPM Challenge efforts. But, having played guitar 2 out of 3 days is already a much better average than I've been pulling. I've been playing with both Meddle and Jabberwock, seeing what kind of sounds I can coax out of them - very preliminary stuff. Before a couple days ago, I actually hadn't played Jabberwock in a while, since I've been doing this madness stuff on Meddle. Picking Jabberwock up again, I was immediately reminded of - and impressed by - its bite. Meddle is still better with controlling the feedback, and for sensual tones, but Jabberwock's got the crunch. I'd have to say that Meddle is my blues guitar while Jabberwock is my rock guitar (I'd even say metal, except that I don't play metal). Still though, the bow effect only really works on Jabberwock. So it's looking like I'll definitely be using both guitars in this project. I might have to break and switch, but I think I might try to work out a system where I have both plugged in, and I can sit one down and let it humbuzz while I pick up the other one, turn the volume up, and continue on. Still lots of work to be done.

I was thinking about my project - what the idea behind it will be, what to name the pieces of the composition (because this sort of thing is a lot easier, and at least as fun as, the actual playing and composing) - and I thought that, since the name of my project is already Eight of Swords, I could break it into eight pieces, each named after a famous sword! So then I thought about what famous legendary swords I knew about, and I immediately came up with Excalibur and Masamune. But then I got stuck. What other famous, named swords are there? I thought about picking out swords from Final Fantasy games, but I definitely wanted my project to have a more 'myths and legends' than 'gamer geek' feel. Then I questioned whether I wanted to use supposed real historical swords of legend, or ones from fictional stories as well. But then, there are so many swords, and they each have their own place, how can I extract them like that, for my purposes? I'll obviously be biased toward the swords I've been exposed to.

There's something very appealing to me about the way that the Final Fantasy games have consolidated so much mythology from many different cultures and adopted it for their own purposes. It's a learning tool - a springboard for research. But something about taking those ideas and restructuring them to fit into a new framework... Okay, I'm bordering on ideas and feelings that I really can't explain in words, here. I believe I have mentioned that I've been working on devising my own RPG - dragonfaith (in my To Do List entry). Well, I think about these kinds of things. Consolidating ideas, and creating my own. And when it comes to naming things, even the coolest names from past mythologies often turn out to be pretty straightforward - oh, it's just "fire-sword" in Latin! So, if you call something Firesword now, it might sound pretty stupid, but it could be awesome in a thousand years when everybody's speaking Esperanto! Anyway, I guess the point is, I start thinking about whether there would be more worth in stealing other people's swords, or creating my own. Although, the benefit of stealing other swords is that people know them already. And that was the original point.

I searched Wikipedia for a list of swords. If you've ever surfed Wikipedia, you know how easy it is to get off on tangents. I ended up reading about lightsaber combat and Sith lords...

Yesterday was Groundhog Day. I have no idea what the groundhog did. But I watched Groundhog Day. Very profound movie. A lot more serious than the other two Bill Murray flicks I watched the day before - Stripes, and Ghostbusters. The 80's is an interesting beast. I have an inescapable connection to it, since I was born in the 80's, although I'm probably more a 90's kid, then again those early years were the formative years, weren't they? Anyhow, although the 80's is incredibly lame in almost every aspect, there's a weird appeal to it. It has nothing to do with the music - I think the music is crap. And I don't really respect the fashion, but the fashion has a lot to do with this feeling. Like, when I watch an 80's movie - for example, there were some good slashers in the 80's - there's just something about the whole aura of it that seems so innocent, and so upbeat. Even when talking about slashers. I don't know, it's really weird. There was a movie on TV months ago that I ended up seeing, starring Madonna. It was Desperately Seeking Susan. I'd be hard-pressed to call it a great movie, yet I had fun watching it. I'm tempted to say that there are some unconscious feelings going on relating to that "total 80's chick" (if you remember my Girls entry) that babysat me and my older brother during the 80's. That wouldn't surprise me.

But honestly, don't expect me to be caught dead going to an 80's themed party or going to see an 80's cover band. I think it's stupid how much people glorify the 80's. I think Satanic is definitely on to something with his philosophy about Sting, The Police, and Hip To Be Square.

Went to Wal-Mart last night. I looked through the "outdoors section", just scouting out possible camping-related items for Burning Man. I've been meaning to make up a shopping list, even just a preliminary one to start with. I also saw some bikes at the mart, but I dunno if they were kid's bikes or what. I definitely feel good about getting a bike. Even if it wasn't for Burning Man, I haven't ridden a bike in probably ten years, but everytime I think about it, I feel like it would be a lot of fun. And an excuse to get exercise, too. Like walking, but a little bit more exhilarating, and you could go a lot farther in the same amount of time, see different sights. I dunno if there's a trick to getting a bike, I just want one that's cheap, and comfortable (and that doesn't break down).

Bought myself a giant Reese's chocolate peanut butter heart from the Valentine's Day aisles. Nearly overdosed on that thing. I came to the realization that, although Valentine's Day is kind of depressing when you're alone, the major advantage is that you're free from the stress of having to impress your girlfriend. And boy is that a relief. I mean, I guess the effort is worth it if you get to reap the rewards, but from the other side of the fence, at least you can look forward to not having to make any effort at all.

Journal 006

Stone Alone

After a long period of slow progress, I've finally got back up to speed and am nearing the end of the Rolling Stones auto-biography Stone Alone, by bassist Bill Wyman. I'm anxious to finish it mostly because it's not my book, and I've had it since probably around Thanksgiving. The content is unquestionably fascinating, but it's a very tough read. The chapters are really long, and being a history as opposed to a narrative, the flow at times can be challenging. But if you're up to the task, the book provides endless insight into the early era of the band, covering their rise to prominence in the sixties, and, judging from how much is left of the book, probably right up to the death of founding member Brian Jones. That's something that just struck me when I realized it - I had originally thought that the title 'Stone Alone' referred to Bill Wyman, since it was his book. But no, Brian Jones is the Stone Alone, and this book paints a fairly detailed picture of his journey from proud leader of the band to paranoid outcast - without ignoring any of the other important angles on the band. It still amazes me how many girls those Stones had access to...

Burning Man - Travel Plans

In other news, I spent a lot of time the other day mapping out the route to Burning Man on Google Maps. Playing around with maps like that really fascinates me, although it's frustrating when Google Maps starts slowing down and taking forever to respond. I'm not saying I have the route finalized or anything, but I've got a good idea of what the journey will include. Luckily, in this age of interstate highways, driving across the country doesn't have to be terribly complicated. Turns out, I-80, which is less than an hour north of Pittsburgh, runs straightway across the country, right through Reno, Nevada, the closest major city to the desert playa where Burning Man takes place. Here's what I've worked out so far:

Chicago appears to be about an eight hour drive from Pittsburgh. That seems like a good start to me for the first day of travel. I'm not entirely certain about the logistics of stopping over in a major city, but I have to admit I'm intrigued by the idea of maybe dining at the original location of Uno's, if that's a possibility. From there, it looks to be 27 hours of driving to Reno, through Iowa, Nebraska, Wyoming (where I-80 reaches its highest elevation), Utah (straight through Salt Lake City, then across the Great Salt Lake Desert), then finally into barren Nevada. I don't know that there's anything along that path particularly worth taking note of, beside the scenery in general, so I figure we can take it from city to city, stopping at a few places along the way to sleep (not counting breaks). I'm thinking 27 hours is quite probably too much to do in two days, but three days should be doable. I will undoubtedly work out more specifics later.

As for the way back, I've already mentioned the Rachel, Nevada plan (visiting, and, ideally, staying at, the Little A'Le'Inn). To get there from Reno is a good 6 hour drive. From there, the best path seems to be an alternate route that cuts across the lower part of Utah, into Colorado and through Denver, before meeting back up with I-80 just across the Nebraska border. From Rachel to Denver is about 12 hours. Maybe doable, maybe a bit long, I'm not sure. I don't know of anything important in Denver, anyway. Other than that, it's about 14/15 hours back to Chicago, and about 8 more hours from there to home. Four days should be enough, although, if we pick a slower pace, I don't see that being a huge problem, since there should be no terrible rush to get home. (Basically I'm setting my comfortability limit here at 10 hours of driving a day - that's 10 hours worth of miles, not including breaks and maybe traffic and stuff. It's hard to say for sure, since this will be the first time I've taken on a driving challenge this extensive, but I've done 8 hours in a single day before, and I'm fairly comfortable with that. Of course, in this case, it'll be multiple days in a row of long hours on the road. But that's what it's all about, isn't it? I think I'm up to the challenge, provided the car does its part...). I considered picking a different route back home to expand the experience, but at that point, after the festival, I think getting home will be looking like a good plan. At any rate, it will definitely be a pilgrimage.

Sleep Patterns

My sleeping patterns have been a little irritating lately. Just a little bit back, I was tired enough that in the small hours of the morning, I could fall asleep quite easily (and quite comfortably) for something of a nap. But even now, when the morning comes on, I have a hard time falling asleep. My body gets exhausted, and I reach a point around 8am where I can't stand sitting at the computer anymore and I have to crawl into bed. But even when I do - and it feels great - my mind is still running wild, and I have a hard time shutting it off. It's like, I can easily get my mind to rest during the night, but while my body gets exhausted when the sun rises, my mind seems to be running at full power. It's troublesome. Do you know how much I wish sleeping was as easy as flipping a switch? Imagine how much easier it would be to get a good night's sleep!

I partly wondered if my trouble had something to do with the light leaking in through the blinds on the huge window in my room. I've mostly gotten used to it, but sometimes it still bugs me a little. I also happen to have gotten into the habit of only sleeping lying on one side - facing away from the window, which is unfortunately right next to my bed anyway. The worst part is the slit at the edge of the window, along the side - that's where the most light gets in. The blinds block the light coming straight in, but it's like a solar festival along the edges! Anyhow, last night (yesterday morning, to most people in this area) I put up some blankets across the whole face of the window, just to see if the darkness would help me sleep. There's still some light that seeps through the blankets, but the room's a lot darker now than it was, and I put up a blanket over that pesky edge, blocking out the most annoying area. We'll see if it makes a decided difference after a few days trying it out.

You might ask why I didn't have the blankets up in the first place - well, the main reason is that I love windows, and it really goes against my intuition to block a window up. Even though the blinds stay closed and most of my days are at night when there's nothing to see out the window anyway. And even though my window has a terrible view. Not only is it facing north, which means the least direct sunlight (I had a room in college that got some serious direct sunlight in the evenings - so I understand what a pain direct sunlight like that can be, but honestly, I liked that situation better than getting *no* direct sunlight - certainly, in the colder months, that sunlight could really help warm up my room, don't you think?), but there's also the matter of the neighbor's big ugly brick side of their house all up in my view. To see anything but brick and other people's windows, I have to lean in close and look out to either side. It really sucks. And it has a real impact on my psychology - being disconnected like that from the outside world. Since I spend so much of my time indoors, despite having a natural affinity for nature, I've come to respect windows quite a lot, since they're my everyday connection to the outer world. I also happen to enjoy sitting in, or even just standing at, windows, just looking out, watching the world, and the weather. So the window situation frequently depresses me, but, and I think I've said this before, there are other things about this room that make it nice, so it's a matter of compromise (not to mention a lack of options - considering my fear of going out into the world and being independent).

Aliens

Xenomorphs aside, little green (and often times grey) men have played a large role in my formative years. Although a skeptic at heart (though not in the philosophical sense), I am a very curious individual. The unsolved mysteries of life have always intrigued me, including aliens, ghosts, and all forms of cryptozoology. Despite Steven Spielberg's capitalization on the alien theme (with Close Encounters of the Third Kind, and E.T., both of which were a little before my time), it was the harsher characterization of aliens, like that in Fire In The Sky, and all the popular TV specials about UFO's and alien abduction stories, that formed my impression of intelligent extraterrestial life. To my young mind, these were very real possibilities, that both frightened and intrigued me.

It should be no surprise that The X-Files is one of my favorite TV series of all time, with its exploration of these themes, focusing on aliens and the government conspiracies that relate to them. I remember when The X-Files first started. I didn't watch it then, but I remember seeing commercials for it - specifically the episode where Mulder arranges a bunch of papers from a fax machine along the floor, then climbs a flight of stairs and looks down on the arrangement to notice that the random binary characters form the shape of a face. At first I thought The X-Files was a movie, but when the commercials persisted, I realized it was an ongoing series. I still didn't start watching it, but my older brother did. I remember him making comments over the phone to one of his friends, as they each watched it in their respective homes.

Like with most things, I was a late bloomer in my fandom for The X-Files. Between the fourth and fifth seasons, I learned that FX had arranged to air the first four seasons of the show nightly, in their original running order. The moment was ripe, and I realized this was my chance to finally jump into The X-Files. So I started watching it on FX, and when the fifth season started up, I taped the episodes to watch them after I had caught up, which I think occurred somewhere around the middle of that season. Turns out the first four seasons was the best of it, but it was nice to catch up and be right on the ball when the movie came out. That was an exciting moment for me. Then, the series continued to decline, and when Mulder dropped out, I lost interest. One day I'll make a point to watch those last couple seasons, but I'm in no particular hurry. I'm even more interested in going back and re-watching the first four seasons, since it's been a while now. I remember trying to collect the series on VHS. Luckily I didn't get very far, as DVD is totally the way to go, and worth waiting for. I saw the X-Files DVD Boxset at Best Buy recently. That's definitely the thing for me, but considering there's like, what, nine seasons? - it's rather expensive, and would represent quite a time commitment. So again, I'm not in a major hurry.

Getting back to aliens - like ghosts, my belief is that *something* is happening to give people these genuine experiences, but it's not necessarily what it appears to them to be. Just like Scully, I try to look for a rational and scientific explanation for these things. A great example is a flyer I got in my chemistry class in high school, debunking sightings of the Loch Ness Monster as nothing more than atmospheric conditions (it was a pretty convincing read). But I don't think every situation is that easy to explain.

One question that intrigues me endlessly is the notion of government conspiracy, like that in The X-Files. Area 51. The Roswell crash. Has the US government had contact with an extraterrestrial intelligence? Have they performed alien autopsies? Do they have remnants of alien spacecraft in some secret hangar somewhere? Were some of the inventions we use today inspired by extraterrestrial technology? Naturally, my skeptical mind finds all of this rather hard to believe. A very convincing argument is the realization that many important government "secrets" don't remain secret for very long - think of Watergate, and I'm sure you can come up with many more examples. Now, if the government did know something about aliens, do you think they could have actually kept it secret this well for at least half a century, if not longer? It's rather hard to believe.

And yet, the idea of it is fascinating, and you want to believe that if it was something this huge, they would go to extreme measures to keep it secret. Still, I tend to believe that it's more a dream than a reality. The fourth season cliffhanger to The X-Files - the Believe The Lie arc - fascinated me. And it was major - it even got Mulder to doubt his own faith in the existence of extraterrestrial aliens for a time. The idea is that the government indirectly fuels the alien conspiracy myth. They'd be fools to step right up and admit (falsely) that they have had contact with aliens (not to mention that they'd be lying outright). But instead, when their denials and cover-ups fuel rumours of these things, they like to encourage it in a roundabout, untraceable fashion. The reason is that, as long as people are postulating alien possibilities, the real truth of the government's top secret programs goes unnoticed.

That's why Mulder got as far as he did. If the government really had secrets to cover up, they would have eliminated Mulder had he ever got as close as he did all those times. But instead, Mulder was very important to the conspiracy. It's a two way street. If somebody claims to know of some connection between the government and aliens, they can easily be dismissed as a loony, their story discredited. But this doesn't convince the believers - in fact it only encourages them to believe that the government is trying to hide its dealings by appealing to people's sense of what is too bizarre to be true. So carefully orchestrating situations where a person like Mulder can witness something profound, while not realizing he's been set up, gives fuel to the believers. And that propagates the lie behind which the government hides the much more mundane, but still secret, truth.

But then you have to ask yourself how deep the government will go? Is the operative that revealed this scheme to Mulder just another one of their tricks, to get him to disbelieve because he got too close? It's a spiralling argument, and you soon find yourself in the midst of a game of wits against a Sicilian, with death on the line. And perhaps that confusion is another part of the strategy. Whatever happens, there's always some room for speculation. The truth is out there, somewhere.

And then there's the topic of alien abductions. How do you explain this phenomenon? I happen to be very skeptical of hypnosis. I don't really know all the details, but what separates a dream from a memory? Still, I believe there are people that have had experiences they can recall, to some extent, without hypnosis, so you have to believe that something is going on. I have heard citations of certain conditions created by some kind of magnetic, or perhaps electromagnetic, field disturbances - this sounds like something worth further research and experimentation. If we could reproduce an alien abduction experience in the safety of a medical lab, that would be a breakthrough.

Traumatizing as it is, I can believe something like an alien abduction experience can be entirely within the head, induced by any number of physical and psychological factors, but not involving any real aliens at all, or even necessarily the victim leaving the bed. There's a phenomenon called sleep paralysis, which I've actually experienced, that goes back a long way in history, where a person partially awakens while their body is still in a state of paralysis. This experience is accompanied by the feeling of a presence in the room, visual and auditory hallucinations, and extreme terror. During my experience, I actually questioned to myself if this was an alien abduction, which is something I feared the chance of experiencing all throughout my childhood. But no, I looked at the face of the figure kneeling beside my bed, and it looked more like the faceless assassin in The X-Files than your typical grey. And there was no medical experimentation.

Whether or not this phenomenon could have something to do with alien abduction experiences is worth looking into. I believe there are probably other factors, though. I love the idea of associating the alien abduction experience with the historical 'revelation', where a religious person might experience a visit by an angel, and maybe even be taken on a tour of heaven. Although one is decidedly divine, while the other rather terrifying, can there be some connection? Again, worth exploring. I've always been fascinated with psychology and brain states and the barriers between reality and illusion. Dreams most definitely included. Fascinating stuff. Learning how the mind works is a lot more insightful than learning the laws of nature, ultimately. I mean, if more is possible by imagination than by reality, then wouldn't it be more interesting to learn the laws of that world instead? I certainly think so.

I had a somewhat interesting experience last night. I got up from my chair, and I looked back at it, and I noticed it was turning ever so slowly. If I didn't know better, I might attribute the motion to some sort of poltergeist. I stared at it amusedly for a few moments, resisting the urge to push the chair and spoil the experience. Postulating the idea of the existence of a ghost in my room was somewhat frightening, and when I moved my arm toward the chair, wondering if I would feel a "cold spot", my arm got quite tingly. Of course, this was just a side-effect of allowing my mind to accept such an idea. Like the feeling you get when you're sitting in the dark and you start thinking about the things that could be hiding, and then your blood runs cold and your skin tingles. It's not evidence of anything more than your own thoughts. But it's interesting that you can think yourself into such a vulnerable position. Most times I walk through dark rooms, and even through the yard at night, without a second thought about those kinds of things. But the moment I take a minute to think about what ungodly things might be lurking in the shadows, the entire arena changes form, and suddenly I feel scared. Maybe a lot of this hokey pokey has to do with people projecting their emotions onto their environment. Some would argue that this very thing is a legitimate method of conjuring certain types of attention, by loosing one's aura and energy into the air. But that itself is questionable, I think.

In any case, the genesis of this strain of thought was the realization that Area 51 is in Nevada. Burning Man is also in Nevada. Obviously, Area 51 isn't quite a tourist destination that you can just take a tour of, but I *have* long been intrigued by the idea of driving down the Extraterrestrial Highway, and staying at (or at least visiting) the Little A'Le'Inn. And what better chance? Honestly, when's the next time I'm gonna be in Nevada? It would be a shame to pass up the opportunity. I'm thinking that on the way to the festival, we'll be anxious to get there on time, while on the way back, we can pretty much take our time getting home, as long as we have provisions (remembering that money *can* buy food and shelter outside of Burning Man).

Wow, one thing I'm noticing is that the western states are HUGE. It's almost like the surface of the Earth expands as you move westward across the country. And there's bound to be a lot less people, out in these desert-y and mountain-y parts, compared to the urban concentrations of the east coast. I wonder what the population density is like. Sure enough - http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/9/90/USA-2000-population-density.gif. You'd think a little trip from Reno to Rachel, from one side of Nevada to the other, would be like a few hours drive at most. But it's like 6 hours. Still, if it means an extra day of traveling, I think it would be worth it. And a 6 hour drive the day after the festival is probably better than going for like 10 hours or something.

Burning Man - Main Concerns

Alright, so after doing a little research into the possibility of going to Burning Man this year, here are the issues that concern me:

Tickets

Tickets go on sale Wednesday. From what I understand, you have to log on to the site once the tickets go on sale, then you're put into a queue. When your number comes up, you have a choice at what tickets are left. Although there are different pricing tiers, I think it has more to do with what people choose to pay, than being based on a time frame - they ask you, in consideration of others, to pay the highest price you can afford. At any rate, the cheaper tickets are bound to disappear quickly, and I've gotten the impression that 'quickly' can mean in a matter of hours. The other problem is that I think the tickets go on sale at 10am Pacific time, which, if I'm not mistaken, is 1pm Eastern. Pretty much the worst possible time for me, as I'll hopefully be fast asleep during that time.

Getting There

I live on the east coast, and Burning Man takes place near the western border of Nevada (a metaphorical stone's throw from California). Options are: fly, bus, drive. The trouble with flying, as I see it, is 1) dealing with airports, 2) limitations on luggage, 3) expensive? (although it might not prove to be any more expensive than driving there), and 4) making arrangements for transportation from Reno to the site (and back). On the other hand, if we take the land route, I think there are major advantages to driving ourselves. We can take whatever we can pack into the car; we have complete control over the trip - what routes to take, when and where and how often to stop; and perhaps the biggest advantage of all - having the added shelter/storage space during the event. Of course, being like a 30+ hour drive either way, it adds days to the whole experience (not that that's particularly a problem in terms of scheduling for a jobless schmuck like me - but it does extend the commitment).

So if we do drive there, the question is, in what? This partly depends on whether or not my dad lets us take the van. And even if he does, we have to consider the possibility of it breaking down somewhere in the middle of the country and being stranded. I can't imagine that would be a pleasant experience. And if we can't take the van, then I guess that means we're looking at rentals. Between that and the gas, it looks to be an expensive addition to the costs. One thing that concerns me about driving cross-country - less so than the actual driving, which I think I could handle - is that I'm not much of a car person. I'm fine behind the wheel, but I don't know what the hell's going on under the hood. It would be awesome to have someone with us who knows a thing or two about auto mechanics, but it's not like we can just drag a servant along with us. So I'm a little concerned about what to do if something goes wrong and the car doesn't do what I want it to do. Particularly if we're on a long road in the middle of nowhere, and anxious to make it to the festival.

Food and Water

These seem to be relatively straightforward. I think the trick with the water is just making sure we have enough for the week (and extra driving days?). I'm surprised I haven't come across any discussions about what kind of food works well for a stint in the desert, though. My thoughts so far are a) freeze-dried food, and/or b) canned goods. I know I don't plan on doing any cooking. Ice is one of the only things they sell at the event, so I'm thinking having a cooler - if nothing else, then at least to have some chilled beverages for those hot days - would be a good idea. Any other suggestions for foods that would be good to take into the desert, that'll stay edible for more than a week, even if exposed to extreme temperatures, would be much appreciated.

Shelter

For this, I'm gonna assume we brought a car. In addition to that, I think it would be a good idea to have at least a tent. More storage room, and it'll hopefully give me a place to stretch out, perhaps with a little more privacy, too. Issues are: learning how to secure the tent so it doesn't blow away in the wind (everbody suggests rebar); some kind of cover that'll reliably keep off the bright sun, without stifling the air in the tent; dust-protection measures. I guess a lot of this stuff kind of runs into the next topic...

Elements (Sun, Air, Wind, Dust, Heat, Cold)

Sun. I suppose the trick here is a combination of sunscreen and shade. I think a hat would be a good idea to keep the sun off the top of the head, which always seems to be a troubling place to protect. Also, sunglasses would be helpful. Trouble with that is, I'd rather not be dealing with contacts out there, so I'd either need prescription sunglasses (do *not* want to go through that trouble), or ones that fit over my glasses. On that topic, what if something happens to my glasses? What if they break, or blow away, or if I misplace them? Maybe I'd survive the week, but I'd be practically crippled for the journey home.

Air. Seems the best trick for the dry desert air is to use a lot of moisturizing lotion. Although it seems like a pain to me, I guess that's pretty much all there is to it.

Wind. For camp, this means securing everything so it doesn't blow away. Something to keep in mind. Can probably throw most stuff in the car and close it up when not in use. Otherwise, keep an eye on things and use weights to hold stuff down.

Dust. I get the impression a good way to reduce dust within the camp involves using a tarp of some sort like a rug. The bottom line, as I understand it, is that things will get dusty. Keep important things like food and electronics securely hidden away when not in use - ziploc bags are a good bet - to reduce damage. As for the self, goggles and dust masks seem to be popular for those unpredictable dust storms. I think they'd be good to have.

Heat. Being the desert, it will get hot. But, it's a dry heat, unlike what I'm used to. They say the dry air wicks the sweat right off your body, so you might not even feel like it's that hot. But it is. As for clothing, I'd have no problem going completely nude (in fact, I'd relish the opportunity), but then sun exposure becomes a bigger issue. Furthermore, going barefoot is not recommended (at least for extended periods) because of the alkali in the desert dust which tends to cause an annoying conditon they call Playa Foot. So maybe comfortable (for walking) closed shoes, a hat and sunglasses, and a ton of sunscreen would be a good bet during the day. That, and lots of shade.

Cold. Despite the popular impression of deserts always being hot, from what I've read, they tend to get pretty cold at night - leastwise when compared to the temperature during the day. This means that although the sun will no longer be a problem during the night, keeping warm will be. So it would be wise to bring warm clothes and, depending when sleep occurs, a warm sleeping bag or blanket(s) or some such.

And, of course, surviving the desert in general involves drinking lots and lots of water to stay hydrated.

Showers/Toilets/Washing Up

This, personally, is one of my major concerns. Being a clean freak and all. I know my brother can go for a week without showering standing on his head. The desert conditions may or may not affect that, but at the least, I know that even in comfortable conditions, I still enjoy a daily shower, and feel pretty out of it when I don't get it. I also wash my hands a lot during the day, and perhaps most importantly, I like to take care of my long, beautiful hair. I feel like it's a part of who I am, and I don't want to neglect it and let it dry out and get icky, or just put it into a braid or a bun (I wish I knew how to do that) for the week. I feel like it's an important part of my own radical self-expression to display it prominently and show it off in the best condition I can manage. So for me, I'm willing to go to extra lengths to make showering a possibility in the desert.

My concerns here are: cheap and easy, but effective. The best and easiest solution I can think of is to go Japanese (without the soak). There's something called a "solar shower" that seems pretty cheap, which is basically a bag with a nozzle that's designed to heat up water just by sitting out in the sun. The main problem is that of the runoff - used water, aka "grey water" - which is not allowed to be deposited into the ground. It must be contained, and either evaporated, or taken home to be dealt with back in the "default world". Burning Man is a "Leave No Trace" event.

The popular solution is to use a kiddie pool (inflatable kind?) to catch the water, with some kind of platform to sit (or stand) on - to prevent standing in the leftover guck. Then the pool acts as an evaporation pond, ideally getting rid of the used water through evaporation. I've heard a lot of discouraging accounts of the efficiency of evap ponds, so I'm a little concerned with having to deal with a lot of (disgusting) grey water and having to haul it back home. But if it's just one, maybe two showers a day, maybe it'll work. The bigger the pool, the shallower the water, the better it evaporates - and painting or otherwise lining the pool with something black tends to heat it up faster and encourage evaporation.

So maybe that's a solution? The best I can do without going high-tech (including high-cost and high-effort)? I figure I could also use the setup to rinse my hands every now and then (only when I really need to, though). I'm not terribly concerned about privacy - I mean, I like my privacy, but these are extreme conditions, and if I have to bathe myself out in the open, well, I think there are much worse things I could have to do - however, people have expressed concerns about the wind making showers an unpleasant experience. It might be nice to have some kind of curtain, or something to break the wind, but that involves a little more work. I'm just not sure if it's worth the extra effort or not.

And then there's this stuff - http://www.norinse.com/outdoorproducts.htm. It seems like it'd be pretty convenient, if it works as well as it claims. But ultimately, I'm skeptical about whether it would satisfy my psychological need to have running water over my skin...

Moving on from showers (which is clearly my number one concern...), let's talk about toilets. On the plus side, they provide toilets, so you don't have to worry about making your own (or hauling back your own waste...ugh). On the down side, however, they're just porta-potties. The idea of inhabiting porta potties for a week is, frankly, a nightmare. But ultimately, it seems to me like one of those things that just has to be endured. It could be worse...

Transportation (During the Event)

No driving during the event, except in specially designated art vehicles. This means your options are either biking or walking. I know my brother isn't going to be biking, as he's never even bothered to learn how to ride a bike. On the other hand, I think walking would make the event a lot rougher - in terms of more day to day effort, and making it harder (and longer) to get from place to place. I'd love to be able to just breeze through the festival and see all kinds of stuff, without walking all day long, for days in a row. Maybe my brother's okay with hanging mostly around camp, but I know I'm interested in the art, and I'd like to see what there is to see. Furthermore, it's been years since I've ridden a bicycle, but I think it could be a lot of fun - especially in a large, flat area, like I expect the BM playa to be. Then again, that brings up the issue of getting a bicycle I like, without paying a lot. It's gotta have lights on it if I want to ride at night. And there's always the concern of it breaking down (does it happen that often? what about in desert conditions?). So it's something I'd at least like to look into. If we do drive down to the event, it shouldn't be a big deal hauling a bike.

Final Notes

And, finally, to end on a more positive note, and to convince myself that this is something I want to do, and not just a list of troublesome challenges, here are some reasons why I should go to Burning Man this year:

Art Themes -

1998 The Nebulous Entity
1999 The Wheel of Time
2000 The Body
2001 The Seven Ages
2002 The Floating World
2003 Beyond Belief
2004 Vault of Heaven
2005 Psyche
2006 Hope and Fear - The Future
2007 The Green Man

2008 American Dream

What is the American Dream if not Burning the Man? Is there anything more poetically anti-Establishment than that? Of all the themes I've heard of in past years, I would be honored to be a part of this one. My own American Dream was shattered after I graduated college and found out that I wasn't the slightest bit prepared to be the person that American society insisted on me becoming. So the Establishment has left me in the dark, and I've been looking for alternative styles of living, outside of the norm. And isn't that what Burning Man is all about? There's so much meaning behind that theme, it just feels right. My American Dream is certainly to Burn the Man, and to live by my own rules and expectations instead.

Radical Self-Reliance

It terrifies me. But it's also an obstacle that I feel like I need to overcome. I'm afraid to rely on myself. That's why I'm in the positon I'm in right now, and why I'm not out there, at least attempting to realize my dreams, and making something of my life. It's because I'm afraid I'll put myself into a situation that I won't know how to get through, and that makes me too scared to take the risk. I feel like what I need is to force myself out there, and just rough it out. It's an incredibly difficult thing for me to do, but I need to get over that fear that I can't make it. If I prove to myself that I can survive on my own (not necessarily alone, but in charge of myself), even for just a week in these extreme and radical conditions, without my life being governed or dictated by either man or society's expectations, that it will be an immense learning experience. And if I fail, I can't see how I would be any worse off than I am now, too scared to even go out that door. It's about conquering myself and conquering the world. I think it could give me a lot of self-confidence if I go through with it.

Living the Dream

It may not be Woodstock, but what is more counterculture in this day and age than Burning Man? Even if there are complaints that it's become too pop culture in recent years, it's still a week of survival in the desert surrounded by unique and freely expressive individuals trying to create a community superior to what is the norm in America. If nothing else, I'm sure it will be an experience to remember. And at best, it could even be life-changing! (Though I'm not one to get my hopes up). Furthermore, can you imagine the bragging rights of being able to tell people you went to Burning Man? It's like a badge of legitimacy. "I'm not just eccentric, I have an invested interest in my alternative lifestyle."

And last of all, mainstream American culture disinterests me. Sports and bars and office jobs and housewives and babies and family reunions and bills, bills, bills. Wouldn't it be exciting to live in a community, even if just for a week, which is dedicated to getting away from all of that, and which is made up largely of artistic eccentrics, perhaps not unlike myself? (Though again, I'm not one to get my hopes up). Is it not worth at least trying once? And what better time to do it? I have no job, I have no responsibilities, and I have still have enough of my savings left that I can afford it. Could sitting around at home doing nothing worth remembering and not advancing my life at all possibly be a better use of my time?

Well, when I put it that way, it does seem like a no-brainer, after all...

Burning Man (or Plans vs. Power)

I discovered Burning Man last fall-ish. I had heard about it prior to that, but I hadn't really paid any attention to it, or really understood what it was. But searching for information on alternative lifestyles after accepting paganism and nudism into my life, I took the time to find out what Burning Man was all about. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to describe just what Burning Man is all about, since different people seem to take different things away from it, and so much of its alleged appeal goes beyond words. But what I came to understand from my preliminary investigation is that it's a radical weeklong arts festival in the middle of the desert, where the participants actually form their own society for the week, creating their own laws and living off of the desert. To me, that sounds incredible. A place where all the unnecessary constraints of society are lifted. It's a social experiment, and one that I would feel honored to be a part of.

So I told my brother about it, since I thought he'd be into the whole anti-Establishment aspect of it. I think he was initially interested, but then got kind of disappointed when I told him about the details and he realized that it was just a different kind of Establishment. He's extreme like that, and I definitely felt that he was being excessively harsh on it, and not really seeing it for what it was, and only punishing it because it couldn't live up to his personal ideals - which, frankly, I don't think he should have any realistic expectations of finding in the real world, unless created by his own hands. Anyhow, I think he realized this, as he has since changed his tune, and has decided that Burning Man is totally something that he wants to experience. And now he's pushing me to join in on the adventure. Since tickets go on sale in a week.

I get the feeling that for most people in my exact situation, this would be a no-brainer. Fuck yeah, go for it! And I totally want to. But I'm a methodical planner, and there are so many unknowns about this kind of an adventure, as well as some potentially unsettling knowns, that I have a hard time making the commitment. I don't want to try for it, then get out there, and find out that I don't have what it takes, or something, you know? Like my brother, he's not afraid of dying, and he doesn't seem to be particularly afraid of pain, either. He doesn't care what happens to him, and he's not particularly picky about certain kinds of creature comforts, either. For him, it's just a matter of, go out, and do it. What will be, will be. Not prepared enough? Fuck it, we'll get by. Not strong enough to survive the desert? Oh well, we'll just die, then.

Well, I have a lot of respect for the kind of strength of will a person needs to just go out and do something he wants to do regardless of the risks and unknowns, but it's not the kind of person I am. I would feel a lot better about the whole affair if there was another methodical planner in the group, so we could bounce ideas off of each other, and so I wouldn't have to feel the uncertainty of being the only one controlling the factors that could determine my very survival. What if I forget something? What if I don't know about something? I mean, is it really such a bad thing to be a planning type? I don't want to criticize my bro for being so "man of action" about the whole affair, but I have to admit, it puts a lot of pressure on me.

Then again, there are lots of things in life that I would have and will never experience without a lot of pressure. So maybe it's not all bad. Like I said, I just wish there was someone else I could help plan with. Somebody who's actually concerned about questions like, how will we have enough food and water to survive? How are we gonna manage a cross-country road trip in addition to the week-long festival? How tough is it really going to be in the desert for a week, with porta-potties and no showers? And what can we do to make it a little more bearable?

On the one hand, I think this could be an amazing experience. Living free without the rules that tear us down in everyday life in normal society. Experiencing abstract art exhibitions in the middle of the desert. Getting down to the basics of survival and seeing just what we are made of, at the core of things.

On the other hand, I foresee the possibility of things going terribly wrong. What if it just turns out to be sitting in an unbearable desert for a week bored with all the 'art'? What if I end up getting sick and the whole thing becomes miserable? What if getting down to the basics and being lost in a crowd of radicals where you have to ask somebody if you want something just ends up breaking me physically and/or psychologically? Not everybody reacts positively to extreme duress. Furthermore, what if there really are a lot of people taking drugs and having sex 24/7? I have very little problem with either of those things (as long as they leave me reasonably and respectfully alone, when I'm not in the mood), but I also don't particularly plan on taking part in either one. Finally, speaking of being left alone, can I cope with having potentially no privacy at all for a week?

And that doesn't even get into the logistics of making this trip happen. People say it's a couple hundred bucks for an all-access pass to this amazing experience. What about driving cross-country? What about stocking up on food and water and other supplies to survive the desert climate? I get the impression that there's a lot of sharing that goes along during the festival - people working together and helping each other out to survive - if you need something, ask and somebody will give it to you - but somebody's gotta have these things to begin with. And you're probably gonna need a lot of charisma or a lot of luck if you expect to walk into the festival empty-handed and just get everything you need from the good will of other people, with little or nothing to give in return.

Are you beginning to see the sort of issues that this affair raises? Now tell me, am I being crazy with all this worrying and planning, and should I just let go and let the spirit of the festival inspire me? Or is there something to my cautious instinct?