Sorry for the lack of posting lately, but I can't promise to stick to anything that doesn't hold enough interest for me to expend the effort on it. Okay, maybe that's unnecessarily harsh; it's just tough for me to sit down and write about the stuff on my mind every single day. I could say that it's either because nothing of note ever happens in my life, or that things haven't changed enough to really warrant commenting on (both of which are true, at least to some extent), but from an honest perspective, that would just be making excuses.
I could talk about everything that happened yesterday, and everything that happened in the past week, and everything that happened in the past month, but that's too much work. So I'll talk about what happened today. Though I might have to fill in some blanks.
I got a couple small packages (nothing compared to the big package I got a couple days ago) today. One of them is a CD I was expecting, and another was a DVD that I forgot I was expecting, even though I just ordered it recently, along with (though separate from) the CD. But it was a nice surprise to be reminded of it when it's already there at your doorstep. I have a very relaxed approach toward having things shipped to me. I trust the gears to turn, and I try not to get "package anxiety", where every single day you get your hopes up that the package will be there only to be disappointed again and again until it finally arrives. Let the chips fall where they may, and when it arrives, I'll be pleasantly surprised to see it. Not to call names or anything, but I have a friend, and I've been noticing lately that he seems to have a strong desire to know exactly where the package is at every step of the journey, and exactly when it's scheduled to arrive at the doorstep. Whatever his reasons are, to each his own.
So the CD was an album from 1968 called Living With The Animals by a band called Mother Earth. Somebody who read my Michael Bloomfield guide on Amazon.com emailed me and alerted me to the fact that Bloomfield plays guitar on at least one track on that album, so naturally I had to check it out. It's a pretty good album, with a pretty good strong-voiced female vocalist (Tracy Nelson) on a number of the tracks, and the title track Mother Earth, which clearly features Bloomfield's leads, is pretty smokin'. It's not something I'd probably have come across on my own, without knowing about Bloomfield's contribution, but I consider it a worthy addition to my album collection.
The DVD I got is a British exploitation film that I saw a trailer for in my latest Grindhouse Double Feature purchase, after which I was convinced that it was a film I had to see. The title is Virgin Witch, and I think that really tells you everything you need to know. I haven't watched it yet, but I can't wait. The reviews I read for it said it was a terrible film, which is really not surprising. Whether or not I'll like it remains to be seen, but I think it's safe to say that it's not gonna be a high-quality production. And that really irks me. Why can't an exploitation film that borders on softcore pornography be approached with a level of sophistication? It's like you have to sacrifice sex and nudity for professional merit or something.
That makes me think of a related issue that's been grazing my mind lately. There's a nudist forum that I've come to check regularly in the past couple months, and within it I recall reading over a discussion on how to increase public interest (or at least acceptance) for nudism by means of a wide-release "nudist film" - obviously, a film that promotes the wholesome values of nudism, and not what the sex-crazed perverts and religious prudes think that "nudist film" is really a codeword for.
Well, the opinion seems to be that the best way to go about it is to do a kind of film where the topic of nudism is broached, maybe tell a story of a person getting his friends into nudism, and the issues that come with learning about the lifestyle - that sort of thing. Personally, though it gets the job done of getting information out there, it just seems preachy and too documentary-like to me. My idea, though it may have less to do with "resort nudism" or "nudist etiquette", is just to do a normal film that has nothing to do with nudism, but have everyone in it spend as much time on screen naked as is practical. What better way to get across the message that being nude is a non-issue?
I think it would be a great idea anyway, but it's possible (probable) that society isn't ready for that yet. (insert irate tirade against society and how it oppresses me)
Whew, now that I've got that off my chest! Actually, there's another thing that I've been thinking for a long time, and I've wanted to talk about it, to someone - anyone - but I haven't really had the chance. So I'll do it here. It's about Nude Raider. You know, the nude cheat for Tomb Raider, that makes Lara Croft completely nude. Frankly, I don't see what the huge fuss is about it. The bottom line is, Nude Raider does in fact exist, but it's not popular among the company/loyal fanbase. On the one hand, Lara Croft has always been a sex symbol. Just because she's an empowered female character doesn't mean that she can't be sexy. (Let's not get into the issue of how twisted feminism has become here - I believe in the divine feminine, and I support goddess worship, but some people get the most twisted ideas about what sexuality is supposed to be about - a sexy woman is a strong woman, not an oppressed, misguided woman -- but I didn't want to get into this issue here...)
Anyway, I've always fantasized about guiding Lara through the tombs in naught but her backpack and gun holster (or even minus that). And, to be honest, with the amazing graphics (but unfortunately inferior gameplay) of the recent Tomb Raider Anniversary remake, I've gotten the chance to realize my dream. In fact, with the amazing amount of fan-driven customizability in Lara's texture mapping, I've even had the chance to transform Lara into a blonde-haired, blue-eyed beauty, in addition to taking her clothes off! But my point is, just because I get a kick out of watching Lara run around naked, that doesn't mean I want her having sex with all the animals she comes across, or engaging in any number of other lewd and crude activities. But mention "Nude Raider", and the forces of the publicly-deemed "righteous" instantly label you a disgusting perv. Would it make any difference if I called it Nudist Raider?
And that's a serious point. Plenty of nudists enjoy so-called "freehiking". How is "free-tomb-raiding" any less meritorious? Nude Raider is not Sex Raider. Roaming the world in the nude doesn't have to be about getting a sexual thrill, it can be about getting a sensual thrill - the thrill of life, freedom, and the air on your body. And just because guiding a character isn't the same as experiencing the world yourself, it doesn't change the nature of the situation. I'm not gonna go into the issue of "fictional character empathy" and all that.
Maybe this is another reason why I can't get myself to write regularly. There're so many connected threads that I get going in one direction and then all these roads open up and I just can't stop. It becomes such a time-consuming and effort-expending experience that the next time I think about doing it, I decide that I can't afford it in my busy schedule of nothings, so I scrap the idea. I'm already getting tired of this entry, and I feel like I should move on to other things I have (have as in "have available", not as in "must") to do, and I haven't even talked about my experiment with body paint! And I haven't mentioned a stitch about Guild Wars, which, from the hikikomori's perspective, should be the central topic.
But if you really want to know every thought that goes through my head, then you'd have to be in my head, and I'm not currently open to sending out invitations.
And then of course, it always seems to come down to the existential point of "who cares?" What does it matter if I do this or not? In the end, it won't make a difference. So what's the point?
I'm still trying to figure that one out.
Plus, I'm a perfectionist, and that makes everything harder. Though I think I should exert less effort on perfecting these entries, since hardly anybody reads them anyway.
Showing posts with label sex and/or violence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sex and/or violence. Show all posts
18 May, 2008
25 January, 2008
To Do List
Contrary to what you may believe, my schedule is just as busy as that of anyone who has a job or goes to school. The primary differences are just that 1) there are rarely any deadlines, and 2) most of the things I "have" to do are actually pretty agreeable tasks. In any case, I have a long list of things I'd like to accomplish, and despite their light nature, I do at times feel quite overwhelmed by them. The worst part is how I tend to avoid the most important tasks for the easiest ones.
Here's my current To Do List, more or less:
Video Games To Play
I recently (4, 5, 6? months ago or so) bought a bunch of classic Final Fantasy titles re-released for Playstation, as I was updating my old FF-related webpage, and it got me in the mood to dig up the old classics. As it turned out, I only had a chance to play FFIV and FFV before I got distracted and pulled away to other things. So I still have FFVI and Chrono Trigger to play through, which is something I want to make a point of doing sooner or later. Priority level for this task is pretty low, at this point, however.
I also got Silent Hill 4 for Christmas. I played through Silent Hill 3 last Halloween, so I'm on a break period before I'm ready to tackle another Silent Hill (you can only visit that town so often - too much and it'll tear your soul apart). So at this point it's just a matter of time, waiting for when I feel the call to return to that spooky resort lake town. Playing a Silent Hill title can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, or longer, depending on how much I focus on the game - I usually tend to put in long hours, when possible, while I'm working on the game, putting all other tasks in the background. In contrast, the Final Fantasy games could easily take weeks, maybe even up to a month, depending on focus.
PC Games To Play
Never been much of a PC gamer - I've always been the console type. However, there are exceptions. I have two visual novels to play through. One - Fate Stay Night - I've spent a lot of time on. There are three (I believe) scenarios to the game and I've played through the main one. The only thing stopping me from the others is waiting on the translations. So sometime in the future when those are done I anticipate completing the game fully. The other game - Ever17 - I haven't even started yet, but it looks interesting, and it was recommended by a friend, so I'm looking forward to playing it, *sometime* when I get around to it.
In addition to those visual novels, there is always Doom - which will always be my favorite PC game (and one of the greatest games ever made). I started on a voyage to play through the Top 100 custom wads (user-designed levels) as voted by Doomworld.com, but only got through most of the second year (they're ranked as the best 10 from each year, spanning a decade) before I got, once again, distracted and pulled away to other things. I will go through all those wad's eventually - Doom has been with me since the beginning, and I've always come back to it again and again through the years. I suspect the time commitment for playing all those wads, some of which are full-on episodes (groups of 8-9 levels), or more, is pretty huge, but I'm not really in any hurry. I originally started playing through them to inspire me while I was working on designing my own Doom levels (another project that's been put on indefinite hold), but since that's not currently on my mind, neither are the wads.
Anime Series To Watch
I am greatly happy that my anime fandom hasn't died out after all these years. I still love watching anime, as much as I ever have, and it's exciting to be on the front lines, seeing some of the series while they're brand new. But I do have a list of series to plow through, and lately that list has been growing faster than it's been shrinking.
I just finished up Genshiken and Zetsubou, so it's nice to check those off the list, although now it looks like there's an alternate Zetsubou-related series (which I haven't started yet). I still have Bamboo Blade to follow, which I'm guessing is around the halfway point right now (unless it goes longer than the standard 24-26 episodes for a full series). In addition to that, I have a number of series waiting in the wings. Among the series my friend has recommended, that I have yet to dive into, is Hayate no Gotoku which, from what I can tell, goes beyond the 26 episode mark. Also, there are a couple series that I've downloaded in full, and have been waiting on plowing through, but haven't gotten around to yet. Namely, the Lodoss TV series, which I've been dying to see ever since being blown away by the original OAV series, and a series called Negima, which attracted me due to being based on a series written by the creator of Love Hina (a series I very much enjoyed), and the fact that it appears to be chock full of cute girls. What's more, there's also Chobits, a series that I've already seen, but since I re-downloaded it, I've been dying to watch it again, because Chii is so damn cute.
And, as if that wasn't enough, there's also the continuation of the Naruto series, which I'm anxious to catch up with. I made a Herculean effort to watch all the two hundred-some episodes of the first series, much of which consisted of dreaded fan-criticized 'filler' (not *that* bad, though). But even now, with the new series, there's already some 44 episodes or so out, and that's 44 episodes that I need to watch before I'm caught up to speed.
As you can see, I have a lot of anime to watch, meaning a lot of time to be wasted watching it. Priority level on most of it is relatively low, except that when I start a series, I like to finish it in a timely fashion. That, and I'd like to keep up on the current series as much as possible, just to 'stay in the game', so to speak.
Manga To Read
And yes, there is also manga for me to read. I've gotten into manga more and more ever since becoming an anime fan. As far as paper series (as opposed to digital stuff on my computer), I'm following Berserk as it comes out in English, volume by volume. I'm also in the middle of School Rumble, which means I don't want to neglect it, if possible. I'm wary of getting into new series, because of the time (and money) commitment they represent, but there are other series I'm interested in reading.
As for the digital stuff, I still have 11 volumes of Kenshin left to read, which has been sitting around for awhile. I'm keeping up with Claymore as it comes out, but that's just a short chapter a month, which is a very small time commitment, and very easy to stay on top of (and also a very good series). Additionally, I have a few Volume 1's from a few different series recommended by my friend that I've been hesitant to jump into because of the time commitment involved if I end up wanting to read more. There's also 51 chapters of Yotsubato, which I recently picked up.
Books To Read
My pile of books to read just keeps growing, and with every title added to the stack, my heart sinks deeper from the knowledge of the commitment involved. I'm in the middle of Dante's Divine Comedy, which, honestly, I started reading about a year ago. I made it through Inferno, and part-way through Purgatorio, before getting (chime in, kids) distracted and pulled away to other things. It's a bit hard to read, because, being an allegory, there's so much uninteresting placement of political and societal facts which bogs down the narrative. It's unfortunate, because, considering the subject, it hasn't shown itself to be as interesting a read as I was expecting. Still, I'm determined to finish it, rather than give up halfway through. But that's proving to be a tough task.
Once I'm finished with that, I have John Milton's Paradise Lost, of a similar theme, that I'd like to read through (I'm crossing my fingers that it's a smoother read than Dante). The whole idea of reading these books, besides my general interest in the topic of heaven and hell as a plot device (Christian mythology is fascinating as fiction, just not as reality), is to serve as inspiration for my own narrative I'm in the process of writing, about journeying through heaven and hell (more on that later). So I see these tasks as not only something I want to do, but something that might have an important influence on what might be my development as a writer - not that I have any lofty ambitions about being a writer, but I do have ideas that I would love to see published some day (in some form), and it would be a great step in the direction of becoming a real artist - someone who profits from his creative instincts. Therefore, the priority level on reading these is high (and yet I've put them off for nearly a year now...).
You might as well get used to right now the inverse relation between priority level and the order in which things get done.
Originally, I was reading through Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series when I took a break to start reading Dante - my mood was ripe for Dante, though in the long run it seems as though I should have just waited. I plowed through the first four books of the Wheel of Time with great interest, and I maintain my excitement to continue the series . . . eventually.
There's a handful of other books, including the ultimate edition of the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, which I bought and intended to read years ago now; some other fantasy titles; and Roger Penrose's The Road To Reality - A Complete Guide To The Laws Of The Universe, a book that I doubt I even have the desire to read anymore. Oh, and there's The Illiad and The Odyssey, which I tried to read once a long time ago, but didn't get very far.
And, in the newcomer's corner, there's Clive Barker's Books of Blood, Volumes One To Three, which I just got for Christmas. I'm interested in reading that, and if I enjoy it, there's a good chance I'll pick up volumes 4-6, as well.
For most of those books, the priority is relatively low - no rush. But I have three titles whose priority exceeds even the 'heaven and hell' titles. About a month ago I picked up three self-helpish books on battling social anxiety. My expectations remain realistic, but I'm still hopeful that they might provide *some* information to help me overcome my obstacles and ultimately get out there and make something of my life. I've been waiting on reading them until after finishing up the massive Stones bio, since I've been reading it for awhile, and now that I'm finally finished with it, I think it's time. But for anyone expecting a magical instant transformation, I refer you to NHK Ni Youkoso.
DVD's To Watch
Leftover from Christmas, I still have both Crossroads Guitar Festivals to watch, as well as the majority of Millenium. Millenium is three seasons, and I have about 70 episodes left to watch, I think, at around 40 minutes an episode, I'd say. I've got into the habit of watching one episode at a time, instead of marathoning it. Generally, I'll watch an episode after dinner on the weekdays.
I also received a few more DVD's for my birthday. Included are 300 (worth it for the oracle scene alone), Sunshine (an interesting title that I'm looking forward to seeing - by the director of 28 Days Later), a triplet of classic Bill Murray titles (Stripes, Ghostbusters, and Groundhog Day - maybe I'll wait till February 2 to watch them!), and a groovy PBS hippie special.
Good stuff to keep me entertained for awhile. Though also to keep me away from the more important tasks...
Important Tasks (Creativity/Becoming An Artist):
First of all, becoming a musician. On the top of my list should be steady practice of the guitar, at least an hour a day average. Of course, I'm notoriously bad at practicing, so this is something that rarely happens, unfortunately. Also, the recording status on my album Clear As Mud has been frozen for something like a year. I lost faith in the recording process somewhere along the way, and I've only been drifting away from the project more and more day by day. I have a second album in mind that I was gonna work on after I finished the first, but needless to say, that one hasn't seen any attention, either. Pathetic, isnt' it?
I have a couple major stories I'm working on. One of them is Jabberwocky, which is tied in with the first original [instrumental] song I wrote on guitar. The story is about a young man who returns from a year of solitary meditation/training in the mountains, to find his home town in ruins, scorched to the ground by a vicious dragon he sees in a vision. He then goes on an epic quest to avenge his family, by first acquiring the skills necessary to conquer the Jabberwock, then finding the beast to finally seek requiem. But he runs into some obstacles on the way, and becomes rather side-tracked after succumbing to a spell inadvertently placed on him by a member of the enchanted race. So far, I've worked out a number of the details, but I've actually written very little of the story.
The other story I've been working on is called Ascension. It's meant to be part of a series, possibly a trilogy - inspired moreso by the structure than the content of Dante's Divine Comedy. The story begins with a soul's awakening in the afterlife. So far, most of the effort I've put in is on the first part of the journey, where the soul travels through hell, encountering all the worst tortures and demons on the way. His goal is to purify his spirit and escape the pits of hell, in an attempt at being redeemed. Ultimately, he'll travel through Purgatory and Heaven, and the long term story I'm planning will involve an overthrow of Heaven, if all goes well. There's a bit of a backstory that I've worked out partially, which serves to introduce the main demon lords of hell, who will serve an important role in the overthrow of Heaven and the war against God. Most of my work on the story so far has been designing the various territories of hell, which I've had great fun working on. To start off, I did a lot of interesting research on the mythos of hell in various cultures (although Christian ideas are most abundant), and used the different names and descriptions I came across to define the various territories of my hell.
There are other stories I've thought about, but I've put much less effort into them thus far, and they're not nearly as important to me as the two described above.
As for the gaming realm, seeing as I fantasized as a child about being a game designer of some sort, I have an idea which makes up the backbone of what I think could be a really cool old-school-style 2D console-type RPG (in other words, in the tradition of the Final Fantasy titles for Super Nintendo). The theme revolves around the conflict between nature and technology, as the story starts up a generation or two after a radical religious cult worshipping ancient dragons uses a magical artifact to bring those dragons to life, commanding them to utterly destroy the mechanical world of man, reducing civilization to a primitive form. The charm of the series is the different types of dragons you have to fight, and the Hunter's Guild which plays a major role in the gameplay. It's something of a labor of love, and I've put a lot of thought into it so far, but there's still so much left to work out. I don't know if it will ever become something, but I like to think that there's a chance. By the way, my title for it is "dragonfaith".
While that project hasn't progressed beyond the "thoughts on paper" stage, I *have* put some "falsifiable" effort into my Doom scenario. As I mentioned above, there are some Doom levels that I've planned out into a scenario, and some of which I've actually spent considerable time on designing - to a point that you can actually test them by playing through them! The scenario is based on the story of Berserk, with level design paying homage to a less known PC horror title, Realms of the Haunting. I call my scenario Realms of the Berserk. If you're not familiar with Doom, you'll probably need a crash course if you're interested in trying my levels. And I'd be happy to help you out if that's the case. If you are familiar with Doom, then hopefully you have an idea of what the modding community is about. If you know about zdoom, and you know what .wad files are, then feel free to have a go at my levels - http://zharth.tenjou.net/doom/rotb/index.html. There's also screenshots and more information about the levels on that page, in addition to downloads of the available levels.
I've been working on this thing for quite a long time. I had early demos of the garden, mausoleum, ravine, and living chasm levels even before I went to college. After college, there was a period when I exerted an incredible amount of effort over a couple of weeks to produce what's available now. There's no telling whether I'll ever finish this project, but I like to think, the longer it takes, the easier to use the programs get (at least I hope that's the case, sometimes they end up becoming even more complicated). Any way, only the future can tell.
Realms of the Berserk is my serious Doom project; I have another project I've put a little work into just for fun. The idea came upon me as a result of the paradoxical inequality in American culture between the treatment of violent material, and the treatment of sexual material. Since Doom is a game that is pretty much 100% violence, I thought it would be interesting to flip it over and transform all of that violence into sex. Instead of bloodthirsty demons, you have sexual deviants with an insatiable appetite for lust. Obviously, it would be very easy to write off a project like this as another case of a horny geek replacing all the sprites with pixellated nudity - like all of those people who give pornography a bad name. But no, that's not my style, so I've made an effort to make it interesting, and even tried to tweak the gameplay in very simple but fun ways. Of course, it's only a side project, so there's not much to show for it, and I doubt I have quite the skills necessary to pull (jerk?) it off (largely in the graphics department). Still, I think it's a fun idea to play around with.
Avoidance
Well, getting back to the task at hand, the problem you can clearly see is that the more something needs doing, the less inclined I am to do it. The problem is, when I see a task, I treat it not as something to do, but something to be done. Something to be checked off the list, to be taken off the stack. And so I tend to default toward the things that produce the best results. If I sit and practice guitar for an hour, it doesn't really feel like I got anything done. I don't feel like I'm any better of a guitarist than I was an hour ago. But if I watch a couple episodes of an anime series instead, then I can check those off my list, and I know I'm closer to the end of the series. Even when I was in school, and had multiple homework assignments, I tended to want to do the short and easy ones first. That way, I'd get them out of the way, instead of risking working for hours on a tough assignment, not finishing it, and feeling discouraged because I don't feel like I really accomplished anything in those hours.
There are other issues involved, I know. Altogether, it's very confusing to me, and I keep trying to put the pieces together, to figure out just why I defeat myself like this, by not doing the things that'll produce the more important results down the road apiece (sorry, that was an early Stones reference). And no matter how much I think about it, and acknowledge the problem, it doesn't seem to get any easier to remedy it. I just don't know how to do anything that's not natural to me, and so I keep on continuing the way I've always known how. I have to wonder if it's anything like what an addict goes through, who realizes the problems his addiction is putting him through, but can't seem to shake it no matter how he tries. Except I'm not really addicted to anything (except leisure...and comfort). It has to be a bad wiring in my brain. But how can it be fixed? Can it be fixed?
Here's my current To Do List, more or less:
Video Games To Play
I recently (4, 5, 6? months ago or so) bought a bunch of classic Final Fantasy titles re-released for Playstation, as I was updating my old FF-related webpage, and it got me in the mood to dig up the old classics. As it turned out, I only had a chance to play FFIV and FFV before I got distracted and pulled away to other things. So I still have FFVI and Chrono Trigger to play through, which is something I want to make a point of doing sooner or later. Priority level for this task is pretty low, at this point, however.
I also got Silent Hill 4 for Christmas. I played through Silent Hill 3 last Halloween, so I'm on a break period before I'm ready to tackle another Silent Hill (you can only visit that town so often - too much and it'll tear your soul apart). So at this point it's just a matter of time, waiting for when I feel the call to return to that spooky resort lake town. Playing a Silent Hill title can take anywhere from a few days to a few weeks, or longer, depending on how much I focus on the game - I usually tend to put in long hours, when possible, while I'm working on the game, putting all other tasks in the background. In contrast, the Final Fantasy games could easily take weeks, maybe even up to a month, depending on focus.
PC Games To Play
Never been much of a PC gamer - I've always been the console type. However, there are exceptions. I have two visual novels to play through. One - Fate Stay Night - I've spent a lot of time on. There are three (I believe) scenarios to the game and I've played through the main one. The only thing stopping me from the others is waiting on the translations. So sometime in the future when those are done I anticipate completing the game fully. The other game - Ever17 - I haven't even started yet, but it looks interesting, and it was recommended by a friend, so I'm looking forward to playing it, *sometime* when I get around to it.
In addition to those visual novels, there is always Doom - which will always be my favorite PC game (and one of the greatest games ever made). I started on a voyage to play through the Top 100 custom wads (user-designed levels) as voted by Doomworld.com, but only got through most of the second year (they're ranked as the best 10 from each year, spanning a decade) before I got, once again, distracted and pulled away to other things. I will go through all those wad's eventually - Doom has been with me since the beginning, and I've always come back to it again and again through the years. I suspect the time commitment for playing all those wads, some of which are full-on episodes (groups of 8-9 levels), or more, is pretty huge, but I'm not really in any hurry. I originally started playing through them to inspire me while I was working on designing my own Doom levels (another project that's been put on indefinite hold), but since that's not currently on my mind, neither are the wads.
Anime Series To Watch
I am greatly happy that my anime fandom hasn't died out after all these years. I still love watching anime, as much as I ever have, and it's exciting to be on the front lines, seeing some of the series while they're brand new. But I do have a list of series to plow through, and lately that list has been growing faster than it's been shrinking.
I just finished up Genshiken and Zetsubou, so it's nice to check those off the list, although now it looks like there's an alternate Zetsubou-related series (which I haven't started yet). I still have Bamboo Blade to follow, which I'm guessing is around the halfway point right now (unless it goes longer than the standard 24-26 episodes for a full series). In addition to that, I have a number of series waiting in the wings. Among the series my friend has recommended, that I have yet to dive into, is Hayate no Gotoku which, from what I can tell, goes beyond the 26 episode mark. Also, there are a couple series that I've downloaded in full, and have been waiting on plowing through, but haven't gotten around to yet. Namely, the Lodoss TV series, which I've been dying to see ever since being blown away by the original OAV series, and a series called Negima, which attracted me due to being based on a series written by the creator of Love Hina (a series I very much enjoyed), and the fact that it appears to be chock full of cute girls. What's more, there's also Chobits, a series that I've already seen, but since I re-downloaded it, I've been dying to watch it again, because Chii is so damn cute.
And, as if that wasn't enough, there's also the continuation of the Naruto series, which I'm anxious to catch up with. I made a Herculean effort to watch all the two hundred-some episodes of the first series, much of which consisted of dreaded fan-criticized 'filler' (not *that* bad, though). But even now, with the new series, there's already some 44 episodes or so out, and that's 44 episodes that I need to watch before I'm caught up to speed.
As you can see, I have a lot of anime to watch, meaning a lot of time to be wasted watching it. Priority level on most of it is relatively low, except that when I start a series, I like to finish it in a timely fashion. That, and I'd like to keep up on the current series as much as possible, just to 'stay in the game', so to speak.
Manga To Read
And yes, there is also manga for me to read. I've gotten into manga more and more ever since becoming an anime fan. As far as paper series (as opposed to digital stuff on my computer), I'm following Berserk as it comes out in English, volume by volume. I'm also in the middle of School Rumble, which means I don't want to neglect it, if possible. I'm wary of getting into new series, because of the time (and money) commitment they represent, but there are other series I'm interested in reading.
As for the digital stuff, I still have 11 volumes of Kenshin left to read, which has been sitting around for awhile. I'm keeping up with Claymore as it comes out, but that's just a short chapter a month, which is a very small time commitment, and very easy to stay on top of (and also a very good series). Additionally, I have a few Volume 1's from a few different series recommended by my friend that I've been hesitant to jump into because of the time commitment involved if I end up wanting to read more. There's also 51 chapters of Yotsubato, which I recently picked up.
Books To Read
My pile of books to read just keeps growing, and with every title added to the stack, my heart sinks deeper from the knowledge of the commitment involved. I'm in the middle of Dante's Divine Comedy, which, honestly, I started reading about a year ago. I made it through Inferno, and part-way through Purgatorio, before getting (chime in, kids) distracted and pulled away to other things. It's a bit hard to read, because, being an allegory, there's so much uninteresting placement of political and societal facts which bogs down the narrative. It's unfortunate, because, considering the subject, it hasn't shown itself to be as interesting a read as I was expecting. Still, I'm determined to finish it, rather than give up halfway through. But that's proving to be a tough task.
Once I'm finished with that, I have John Milton's Paradise Lost, of a similar theme, that I'd like to read through (I'm crossing my fingers that it's a smoother read than Dante). The whole idea of reading these books, besides my general interest in the topic of heaven and hell as a plot device (Christian mythology is fascinating as fiction, just not as reality), is to serve as inspiration for my own narrative I'm in the process of writing, about journeying through heaven and hell (more on that later). So I see these tasks as not only something I want to do, but something that might have an important influence on what might be my development as a writer - not that I have any lofty ambitions about being a writer, but I do have ideas that I would love to see published some day (in some form), and it would be a great step in the direction of becoming a real artist - someone who profits from his creative instincts. Therefore, the priority level on reading these is high (and yet I've put them off for nearly a year now...).
You might as well get used to right now the inverse relation between priority level and the order in which things get done.
Originally, I was reading through Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series when I took a break to start reading Dante - my mood was ripe for Dante, though in the long run it seems as though I should have just waited. I plowed through the first four books of the Wheel of Time with great interest, and I maintain my excitement to continue the series . . . eventually.
There's a handful of other books, including the ultimate edition of the Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy, which I bought and intended to read years ago now; some other fantasy titles; and Roger Penrose's The Road To Reality - A Complete Guide To The Laws Of The Universe, a book that I doubt I even have the desire to read anymore. Oh, and there's The Illiad and The Odyssey, which I tried to read once a long time ago, but didn't get very far.
And, in the newcomer's corner, there's Clive Barker's Books of Blood, Volumes One To Three, which I just got for Christmas. I'm interested in reading that, and if I enjoy it, there's a good chance I'll pick up volumes 4-6, as well.
For most of those books, the priority is relatively low - no rush. But I have three titles whose priority exceeds even the 'heaven and hell' titles. About a month ago I picked up three self-helpish books on battling social anxiety. My expectations remain realistic, but I'm still hopeful that they might provide *some* information to help me overcome my obstacles and ultimately get out there and make something of my life. I've been waiting on reading them until after finishing up the massive Stones bio, since I've been reading it for awhile, and now that I'm finally finished with it, I think it's time. But for anyone expecting a magical instant transformation, I refer you to NHK Ni Youkoso.
DVD's To Watch
Leftover from Christmas, I still have both Crossroads Guitar Festivals to watch, as well as the majority of Millenium. Millenium is three seasons, and I have about 70 episodes left to watch, I think, at around 40 minutes an episode, I'd say. I've got into the habit of watching one episode at a time, instead of marathoning it. Generally, I'll watch an episode after dinner on the weekdays.
I also received a few more DVD's for my birthday. Included are 300 (worth it for the oracle scene alone), Sunshine (an interesting title that I'm looking forward to seeing - by the director of 28 Days Later), a triplet of classic Bill Murray titles (Stripes, Ghostbusters, and Groundhog Day - maybe I'll wait till February 2 to watch them!), and a groovy PBS hippie special.
Good stuff to keep me entertained for awhile. Though also to keep me away from the more important tasks...
Important Tasks (Creativity/Becoming An Artist):
First of all, becoming a musician. On the top of my list should be steady practice of the guitar, at least an hour a day average. Of course, I'm notoriously bad at practicing, so this is something that rarely happens, unfortunately. Also, the recording status on my album Clear As Mud has been frozen for something like a year. I lost faith in the recording process somewhere along the way, and I've only been drifting away from the project more and more day by day. I have a second album in mind that I was gonna work on after I finished the first, but needless to say, that one hasn't seen any attention, either. Pathetic, isnt' it?
I have a couple major stories I'm working on. One of them is Jabberwocky, which is tied in with the first original [instrumental] song I wrote on guitar. The story is about a young man who returns from a year of solitary meditation/training in the mountains, to find his home town in ruins, scorched to the ground by a vicious dragon he sees in a vision. He then goes on an epic quest to avenge his family, by first acquiring the skills necessary to conquer the Jabberwock, then finding the beast to finally seek requiem. But he runs into some obstacles on the way, and becomes rather side-tracked after succumbing to a spell inadvertently placed on him by a member of the enchanted race. So far, I've worked out a number of the details, but I've actually written very little of the story.
The other story I've been working on is called Ascension. It's meant to be part of a series, possibly a trilogy - inspired moreso by the structure than the content of Dante's Divine Comedy. The story begins with a soul's awakening in the afterlife. So far, most of the effort I've put in is on the first part of the journey, where the soul travels through hell, encountering all the worst tortures and demons on the way. His goal is to purify his spirit and escape the pits of hell, in an attempt at being redeemed. Ultimately, he'll travel through Purgatory and Heaven, and the long term story I'm planning will involve an overthrow of Heaven, if all goes well. There's a bit of a backstory that I've worked out partially, which serves to introduce the main demon lords of hell, who will serve an important role in the overthrow of Heaven and the war against God. Most of my work on the story so far has been designing the various territories of hell, which I've had great fun working on. To start off, I did a lot of interesting research on the mythos of hell in various cultures (although Christian ideas are most abundant), and used the different names and descriptions I came across to define the various territories of my hell.
There are other stories I've thought about, but I've put much less effort into them thus far, and they're not nearly as important to me as the two described above.
As for the gaming realm, seeing as I fantasized as a child about being a game designer of some sort, I have an idea which makes up the backbone of what I think could be a really cool old-school-style 2D console-type RPG (in other words, in the tradition of the Final Fantasy titles for Super Nintendo). The theme revolves around the conflict between nature and technology, as the story starts up a generation or two after a radical religious cult worshipping ancient dragons uses a magical artifact to bring those dragons to life, commanding them to utterly destroy the mechanical world of man, reducing civilization to a primitive form. The charm of the series is the different types of dragons you have to fight, and the Hunter's Guild which plays a major role in the gameplay. It's something of a labor of love, and I've put a lot of thought into it so far, but there's still so much left to work out. I don't know if it will ever become something, but I like to think that there's a chance. By the way, my title for it is "dragonfaith".
While that project hasn't progressed beyond the "thoughts on paper" stage, I *have* put some "falsifiable" effort into my Doom scenario. As I mentioned above, there are some Doom levels that I've planned out into a scenario, and some of which I've actually spent considerable time on designing - to a point that you can actually test them by playing through them! The scenario is based on the story of Berserk, with level design paying homage to a less known PC horror title, Realms of the Haunting. I call my scenario Realms of the Berserk. If you're not familiar with Doom, you'll probably need a crash course if you're interested in trying my levels. And I'd be happy to help you out if that's the case. If you are familiar with Doom, then hopefully you have an idea of what the modding community is about. If you know about zdoom, and you know what .wad files are, then feel free to have a go at my levels - http://zharth.tenjou.net/doom/rotb/index.html. There's also screenshots and more information about the levels on that page, in addition to downloads of the available levels.
I've been working on this thing for quite a long time. I had early demos of the garden, mausoleum, ravine, and living chasm levels even before I went to college. After college, there was a period when I exerted an incredible amount of effort over a couple of weeks to produce what's available now. There's no telling whether I'll ever finish this project, but I like to think, the longer it takes, the easier to use the programs get (at least I hope that's the case, sometimes they end up becoming even more complicated). Any way, only the future can tell.
Realms of the Berserk is my serious Doom project; I have another project I've put a little work into just for fun. The idea came upon me as a result of the paradoxical inequality in American culture between the treatment of violent material, and the treatment of sexual material. Since Doom is a game that is pretty much 100% violence, I thought it would be interesting to flip it over and transform all of that violence into sex. Instead of bloodthirsty demons, you have sexual deviants with an insatiable appetite for lust. Obviously, it would be very easy to write off a project like this as another case of a horny geek replacing all the sprites with pixellated nudity - like all of those people who give pornography a bad name. But no, that's not my style, so I've made an effort to make it interesting, and even tried to tweak the gameplay in very simple but fun ways. Of course, it's only a side project, so there's not much to show for it, and I doubt I have quite the skills necessary to pull (jerk?) it off (largely in the graphics department). Still, I think it's a fun idea to play around with.
Avoidance
Well, getting back to the task at hand, the problem you can clearly see is that the more something needs doing, the less inclined I am to do it. The problem is, when I see a task, I treat it not as something to do, but something to be done. Something to be checked off the list, to be taken off the stack. And so I tend to default toward the things that produce the best results. If I sit and practice guitar for an hour, it doesn't really feel like I got anything done. I don't feel like I'm any better of a guitarist than I was an hour ago. But if I watch a couple episodes of an anime series instead, then I can check those off my list, and I know I'm closer to the end of the series. Even when I was in school, and had multiple homework assignments, I tended to want to do the short and easy ones first. That way, I'd get them out of the way, instead of risking working for hours on a tough assignment, not finishing it, and feeling discouraged because I don't feel like I really accomplished anything in those hours.
There are other issues involved, I know. Altogether, it's very confusing to me, and I keep trying to put the pieces together, to figure out just why I defeat myself like this, by not doing the things that'll produce the more important results down the road apiece (sorry, that was an early Stones reference). And no matter how much I think about it, and acknowledge the problem, it doesn't seem to get any easier to remedy it. I just don't know how to do anything that's not natural to me, and so I keep on continuing the way I've always known how. I have to wonder if it's anything like what an addict goes through, who realizes the problems his addiction is putting him through, but can't seem to shake it no matter how he tries. Except I'm not really addicted to anything (except leisure...and comfort). It has to be a bad wiring in my brain. But how can it be fixed? Can it be fixed?
16 January, 2008
Multimedia Milieu
These days, most of my time not spent wandering through the labyrinths of the internet is spent watching movies and reading books - mostly stuff I got for Christmas and am only now getting around to.
Redemption
I watched The Shawshank Redemption a few days ago. I had seen bits of it on TV before, so I thought I knew what it was all about, but it turns out I had a slightly different interpretation of it than what it turned out to be. I remembered the scene where the old guy got out of prison only to hang himself. Now, what I thought the whole 'Redemption' was about, was that the main character dedicated his whole life in prison to studying law, until finally overturning his sentence on some kind of technicality. Then, having redeemed himself, with his life having been wasted in prison, and with nothing left to prove, he killed himself. Could I be thinking about a different movie?
Anyhow, this one ends on a much brighter note. I like the whole issue of prisoners being "institutionalized" to the point that they can't really function in society - how they grow to become dependant on those walls and bars - and they end up preferring the jailed life to one of freedom, just because they're so used to it. One of the most interesting points, to me, is the point about fear. A man who's spent decades in jail gets used to it - he's no longer afraid of it. To a person such as that, being placed out in the real world, with newfound freedom, is much scarier than being in prison. And I can relate to that fear of the world. I know what it means to live in fear. I've practically jailed myself in this house, and I'm afraid to come out because, though I desire freedom, I'm also terrified of it.
I also like the scenes where Morgan Freeman's character tries to make his case to the parole board about whether he's been "rehabilitated". The first time, you feel bad that the board outright rejects him ("I'm up for rejection in a few weeks"). The next time, you realize that what he said the first time wasn't particularly sincere, since he says just about the same thing every single time - and then you realize why he was so easily rejected. Eventually you begin to realize that he's only saying what he thinks the board wants to hear, which obviously isn't going to convince them. Then, finally, the time he gets parole, he goes through a truly heartwarming speech about the lie of "rehabilitation", and he basically tells the board off, since he no longer really cares, but he does it in a way that genuinely demonstrates the nobility of his character and his regret over his crime - and this time, he's accepted. A little bit of irony, and a very beautiful demonstration of changing attitudes over the passage of time.
Berserk
Berserk is an amazing manga (Japanese comic) series about a man's fight against destiny in a world filled with demons - the true Dark Ages - and his quest for vengeance against a friend who betrayed him in the worst way. I really can't describe how good this series is - I get teary just thinking about it. I was introduced to it through the anime series, which is equally amazing, but only covers the very beginning of the story. Since then, I've been following the English translations of the manga, keeping up with the story.
I'm up to volume 19 now. After leaving Casca for the second time, Guts finally gets to see her again, but only briefly. The pagan ceremony was awesome. Something huge is about to happen, I can tell. They're at this huge religious tower surrounded by practically an army of refugees. And something has been hiding in the shadows, watching all that's been going on. And I think it's finally about to strike. This is a conjecture, but I'll bet the hidden thing is gonna inhabit that freak priest with the flat face (who practices 'prostration'), and we're gonna have a full-blown apostle on our hands. Those scenes in the torture dungeon were pretty hideous. One of the great things about this series is that it is successfully able to shamelessly marry intelligent plot and sympathetic characters with explicit sex and violence. I couldn't possibly ask for more! Except more volumes, that is.
Immortality
The Fountain was among the DVD's I got for Christmas. I remember noticing it when it originally came out. It looked interesting, but I didn't get around to seeing it. Well, now I have. I have to admit, it was a fascinating movie, although it went in a bit of a different direction than I was hoping. I guess you could say I was expecting more fantasy and less drama. But it was still a great tale. With lots to interpret.
I guess the core of the story is what takes place in present time. A doctor on the verge of discovering a medicinal elixir of life, extracted from a tree in Central America, is racing against time while the love of his life is dying of cancer. She in turn is writing a story about the Tree of Life, related to Spanish/Mayan history. Part of that mythology involves the Mayan underworld, named after a dying star observed in the heavens. A star that the main character is traveling toward, in a bubble-like spaceship with a dying tree, presumably far into the future. These three timelines tradeoff as the story unfolds, leaving you to guess just exactly how they fit together.
I guess one interpretation would be that the past scenes are merely an embodiment of the story, and the future scenes part of the doctor's madness - leaving us with just the present. But, if we want to be a little more adventurous, we could conjecture that the doctor does in reality discover the secret to immortality and that the future scenes actually happen as is. But is there an interpretation where the past scenes could be real as well? Because that's what I was hoping for - a tale about two lovers who exist through many ages, from the past through the present and on to the future. But considering what happens when the conquistador in the past finds the Tree of Life, it doesn't seem too reasonable.
Still, the beauty of the story is the sheer imagination of it and the way it was filmed, and how the different timelines interact with one another to create a rich tapestry of storytelling. That, and the question of immortality that is inevitably brought up. Is death just a disease, that needs to be cured? Or is death the road to awe? It's a tough question that's been asked as long as man has been around, I imagine. And I don't think the answer is as easy as some people pretend. Life and death both serve a purpose, and neither one is purely good, or bad. I don't think there is an ultimate answer as to whether or not death *should* have a place in life. But it does have that place, and there is very little we can do about it - and this fact, I believe, will continue to inspire people to fight against it. You have to be careful, though - there is a balance to be found between vying for eternal life and accepting the simple fact of death. If we get too caught up on living forever, we make death all the harder to bear. And I think that's one of the messages that The Fountain carries - the need to accept death.
Millenium
It's a little past its time, I guess, but having gotten the series for Christmas, I just started watching it. From the creator of The X-Files, it's been described as a darker version of that more popular series. I was aware of it when it was on for just a few short years before the turn of the millenium, but I never really watched it. I was totally absorbed in The X-Files around that time, and I don't think I would quite have been ready for it back then. But now, with my newfound interest in the horror genre, and the dark side of human nature, I think it's right up my alley.
I can't say much yet, as I've only seen the first two episodes. The story is about an ex-FBI agent (played by Lance Henriksen, who I've always known as the android Bishop from Aliens) who has a talent for seeing into the minds of killers. He balances his service as a member of a "consultant group" - the Millenium Group, whose aims are catching violent predators (and I suspect there's something deeper that hasn't been divulged yet) - with protecting his wife and young daughter (in general, and particularly from a potentially dangerous but as-yet-unidentified stalker). From the first episode, I get the impression the series will be dealing with catching a lot of truly disturbed murderers and rapists, but the second episode gives me hope that there is something deeper going on - that maybe there's an evil presence pulling the strings, that goes beyond the "cold heart and weak mind" of these killers. I'm anxious to see more.
Redemption
I watched The Shawshank Redemption a few days ago. I had seen bits of it on TV before, so I thought I knew what it was all about, but it turns out I had a slightly different interpretation of it than what it turned out to be. I remembered the scene where the old guy got out of prison only to hang himself. Now, what I thought the whole 'Redemption' was about, was that the main character dedicated his whole life in prison to studying law, until finally overturning his sentence on some kind of technicality. Then, having redeemed himself, with his life having been wasted in prison, and with nothing left to prove, he killed himself. Could I be thinking about a different movie?
Anyhow, this one ends on a much brighter note. I like the whole issue of prisoners being "institutionalized" to the point that they can't really function in society - how they grow to become dependant on those walls and bars - and they end up preferring the jailed life to one of freedom, just because they're so used to it. One of the most interesting points, to me, is the point about fear. A man who's spent decades in jail gets used to it - he's no longer afraid of it. To a person such as that, being placed out in the real world, with newfound freedom, is much scarier than being in prison. And I can relate to that fear of the world. I know what it means to live in fear. I've practically jailed myself in this house, and I'm afraid to come out because, though I desire freedom, I'm also terrified of it.
I also like the scenes where Morgan Freeman's character tries to make his case to the parole board about whether he's been "rehabilitated". The first time, you feel bad that the board outright rejects him ("I'm up for rejection in a few weeks"). The next time, you realize that what he said the first time wasn't particularly sincere, since he says just about the same thing every single time - and then you realize why he was so easily rejected. Eventually you begin to realize that he's only saying what he thinks the board wants to hear, which obviously isn't going to convince them. Then, finally, the time he gets parole, he goes through a truly heartwarming speech about the lie of "rehabilitation", and he basically tells the board off, since he no longer really cares, but he does it in a way that genuinely demonstrates the nobility of his character and his regret over his crime - and this time, he's accepted. A little bit of irony, and a very beautiful demonstration of changing attitudes over the passage of time.
Berserk
Berserk is an amazing manga (Japanese comic) series about a man's fight against destiny in a world filled with demons - the true Dark Ages - and his quest for vengeance against a friend who betrayed him in the worst way. I really can't describe how good this series is - I get teary just thinking about it. I was introduced to it through the anime series, which is equally amazing, but only covers the very beginning of the story. Since then, I've been following the English translations of the manga, keeping up with the story.
I'm up to volume 19 now. After leaving Casca for the second time, Guts finally gets to see her again, but only briefly. The pagan ceremony was awesome. Something huge is about to happen, I can tell. They're at this huge religious tower surrounded by practically an army of refugees. And something has been hiding in the shadows, watching all that's been going on. And I think it's finally about to strike. This is a conjecture, but I'll bet the hidden thing is gonna inhabit that freak priest with the flat face (who practices 'prostration'), and we're gonna have a full-blown apostle on our hands. Those scenes in the torture dungeon were pretty hideous. One of the great things about this series is that it is successfully able to shamelessly marry intelligent plot and sympathetic characters with explicit sex and violence. I couldn't possibly ask for more! Except more volumes, that is.
Immortality
The Fountain was among the DVD's I got for Christmas. I remember noticing it when it originally came out. It looked interesting, but I didn't get around to seeing it. Well, now I have. I have to admit, it was a fascinating movie, although it went in a bit of a different direction than I was hoping. I guess you could say I was expecting more fantasy and less drama. But it was still a great tale. With lots to interpret.
I guess the core of the story is what takes place in present time. A doctor on the verge of discovering a medicinal elixir of life, extracted from a tree in Central America, is racing against time while the love of his life is dying of cancer. She in turn is writing a story about the Tree of Life, related to Spanish/Mayan history. Part of that mythology involves the Mayan underworld, named after a dying star observed in the heavens. A star that the main character is traveling toward, in a bubble-like spaceship with a dying tree, presumably far into the future. These three timelines tradeoff as the story unfolds, leaving you to guess just exactly how they fit together.
I guess one interpretation would be that the past scenes are merely an embodiment of the story, and the future scenes part of the doctor's madness - leaving us with just the present. But, if we want to be a little more adventurous, we could conjecture that the doctor does in reality discover the secret to immortality and that the future scenes actually happen as is. But is there an interpretation where the past scenes could be real as well? Because that's what I was hoping for - a tale about two lovers who exist through many ages, from the past through the present and on to the future. But considering what happens when the conquistador in the past finds the Tree of Life, it doesn't seem too reasonable.
Still, the beauty of the story is the sheer imagination of it and the way it was filmed, and how the different timelines interact with one another to create a rich tapestry of storytelling. That, and the question of immortality that is inevitably brought up. Is death just a disease, that needs to be cured? Or is death the road to awe? It's a tough question that's been asked as long as man has been around, I imagine. And I don't think the answer is as easy as some people pretend. Life and death both serve a purpose, and neither one is purely good, or bad. I don't think there is an ultimate answer as to whether or not death *should* have a place in life. But it does have that place, and there is very little we can do about it - and this fact, I believe, will continue to inspire people to fight against it. You have to be careful, though - there is a balance to be found between vying for eternal life and accepting the simple fact of death. If we get too caught up on living forever, we make death all the harder to bear. And I think that's one of the messages that The Fountain carries - the need to accept death.
Millenium
It's a little past its time, I guess, but having gotten the series for Christmas, I just started watching it. From the creator of The X-Files, it's been described as a darker version of that more popular series. I was aware of it when it was on for just a few short years before the turn of the millenium, but I never really watched it. I was totally absorbed in The X-Files around that time, and I don't think I would quite have been ready for it back then. But now, with my newfound interest in the horror genre, and the dark side of human nature, I think it's right up my alley.
I can't say much yet, as I've only seen the first two episodes. The story is about an ex-FBI agent (played by Lance Henriksen, who I've always known as the android Bishop from Aliens) who has a talent for seeing into the minds of killers. He balances his service as a member of a "consultant group" - the Millenium Group, whose aims are catching violent predators (and I suspect there's something deeper that hasn't been divulged yet) - with protecting his wife and young daughter (in general, and particularly from a potentially dangerous but as-yet-unidentified stalker). From the first episode, I get the impression the series will be dealing with catching a lot of truly disturbed murderers and rapists, but the second episode gives me hope that there is something deeper going on - that maybe there's an evil presence pulling the strings, that goes beyond the "cold heart and weak mind" of these killers. I'm anxious to see more.
10 January, 2008
Hippie Ideals
"When in the flow of human events it becomes necessary for the people to cease to recognize the obsolete social patterns which have isolated man from his consciousness and to create with the youthful energies of the world revolutionary communities of harmonius relations to which the two-billion-year-old life process entitles them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind should declare the causes which impell them to this creation. We hold these experiences to be self-evident, that all is equal, that the creation endows us with certain inalienable rights, that among these are: the freedom of body, the pursuit of joy, and the expansion of consciousness, and that to secure these rights, we the citizens of the earth declare our love and compassion for all conflicting hate-carrying men and women of the world.
We declare the identity of flesh and consciousness; all reason and law must respect and protect this holy identity."
- A Prophecy of a Declaration of Independence, Fall 1966
I've never actually considered myself a hippie, despite being sympathetic to their cause and lifestyle ever since discovering them in the course of my fandom of rock from that era (specifically, the late 60's and early 70's). There have even been times when I've felt that I was born too late; that I would have fit in so much better in the [counter-]culture of the 60's. From what I've come to understand, the hippie movement rose to some extent out of the earlier beatnik culture, embracing a more positive outlook on life, and formed a counterculture largely reactionary to the politics of the day, particularly relating to the unpopular Vietnam War. Hippies preached love and peace, and greatly admired their freedom of expression.
Today, the stereotype that prevails is that of the "dirty hippie". Frankly, I think that's an unfortunate stereotype. Just because you have a deeper connection with the earth, or that you let your hair grow long, doesn't mean that you've given up all notions of cleanliness. It's a fact that, at Woodstock, not only were hippies washing themselves in a nearby pool of water - with soap, I might add - but some of them were also shaving - even their armpits! And in spite of all the Rastafarians and Deadheads and generic Gypsies you see these days, it's the groovy people at Woodstock that form the ideal picture of a 'hippie' in my mind.
So what do I get out of hippie idealism? Besides the music, the three main things are peace, love, and freedom.
Peace
Now, I don't necessarily consider myself a pacifist. I believe that there are times when violence is warranted. However, I believe that those times are (or at least should be, in a rational society) rare, and extreme. I believe that a lot of people are way more aggressive, in physical and non-physical ways, than they should be. Anger really pisses me off. It's kind of ironic, but it's true. When people start getting mad, the funny thing is, I'm angrier at the fact that these people (especially if I happen to be one of them) have allowed themselves to get to a point where they feel it necessary to resort to this kind of aggressive behaviour, rather than keeping a cool head and being rational about it, than I am about whatever topic the people have gotten angry about. I hate arguments - I think they're utterly pointless, and serve only to damage the relations between people. You can have rational discussions, and you can agree to disagree, but if you get two people shouting at each other because they each want the other to do or think in their own way, then you've already lost sight of what's important.
People often say I'm a pretty groovy person - in terms of being relaxed and chilled out a lot. Part of that is because I'm pretty timid, and it's not natural for me to express myself and my thoughts and beliefs over other people's. I like to avoid confrontation by letting things be. But if part of that is fear of agression, I'd like to think that part of it is the knowledge of how little aggression usually accomplishes - or the fact that when it accomplishes something, it tends to accomplish the opposite of what I consider to be important in life. Maybe other people put a premium on power and coercion and control, but I'm more interested in mutual understanding and respect. And aggression never accomplishes that.
So chill out, live and let live, and expend your energy in a more positive way. You'll feel a lot better in the long run.
Love
I believe in love. I believe that loving your fellow man does so much more for both you and him than hating him ever could. There's too much hatred in the world. What's all this fighting about, anyway? Can we for once consider our victims' perspectives and stop being so selfish? Love your enemy as you would your friend.
There's another aspect to the hippie's perspective on love - and that's the sexual angle. This one I'm slightly less aligned with. Hippies were all about free love. There was a great sexual liberation in the 60's, and I'm all for that. But the idea of sharing sex with strangers I'm not so keen on. I understand it can be a great way to connect with people, and promote love. But, particularly with all the complications involved, love can inspire some pretty wicked feelings too. Jealousy, resentment, control, possession, obsession. There is a dark side to love, as much as there is a light side. And then you've gotta worry about pregnancy, as well as diseases.
So in this case, I'd say I'm more on board with the psychological component of promoting love. I still don't think people should be too hung up on the physical aspect of love, but I'm not exactly about to promote having sex with everyone you meet.
Freedom
Freedom of mind and body. Freedom of expression. Freedom to be yourself. Freedom from the rules of the Establishment. I'm all about freedom. Dress code? Fuck that, I'll go naked if I feel like it. Only girls wear their hair that long? Fuck that, I'll let my hair grow as long as I want. You can't do or say or think or feel this or that? Fuck you, I am who I am and I'm gonna embrace that, not hide away from it, locking myself up into a rigid shape of a man that's been defined for me by an inanimate entity (the Establishment) that doesn't know a single thing about me, and cares only to further its own cause. If you really gave a damn for me, I'd be more willing to listen to your suggestions, but if that were the case, you'd understand that restricting me from expressing the things that are important to me is tantamount to slavery of the soul. And there's no way I'm gonna stand for that!
(This discussion is continued in the following entry titled "Drugs")
We declare the identity of flesh and consciousness; all reason and law must respect and protect this holy identity."
- A Prophecy of a Declaration of Independence, Fall 1966
I've never actually considered myself a hippie, despite being sympathetic to their cause and lifestyle ever since discovering them in the course of my fandom of rock from that era (specifically, the late 60's and early 70's). There have even been times when I've felt that I was born too late; that I would have fit in so much better in the [counter-]culture of the 60's. From what I've come to understand, the hippie movement rose to some extent out of the earlier beatnik culture, embracing a more positive outlook on life, and formed a counterculture largely reactionary to the politics of the day, particularly relating to the unpopular Vietnam War. Hippies preached love and peace, and greatly admired their freedom of expression.
Today, the stereotype that prevails is that of the "dirty hippie". Frankly, I think that's an unfortunate stereotype. Just because you have a deeper connection with the earth, or that you let your hair grow long, doesn't mean that you've given up all notions of cleanliness. It's a fact that, at Woodstock, not only were hippies washing themselves in a nearby pool of water - with soap, I might add - but some of them were also shaving - even their armpits! And in spite of all the Rastafarians and Deadheads and generic Gypsies you see these days, it's the groovy people at Woodstock that form the ideal picture of a 'hippie' in my mind.
So what do I get out of hippie idealism? Besides the music, the three main things are peace, love, and freedom.
Peace
Now, I don't necessarily consider myself a pacifist. I believe that there are times when violence is warranted. However, I believe that those times are (or at least should be, in a rational society) rare, and extreme. I believe that a lot of people are way more aggressive, in physical and non-physical ways, than they should be. Anger really pisses me off. It's kind of ironic, but it's true. When people start getting mad, the funny thing is, I'm angrier at the fact that these people (especially if I happen to be one of them) have allowed themselves to get to a point where they feel it necessary to resort to this kind of aggressive behaviour, rather than keeping a cool head and being rational about it, than I am about whatever topic the people have gotten angry about. I hate arguments - I think they're utterly pointless, and serve only to damage the relations between people. You can have rational discussions, and you can agree to disagree, but if you get two people shouting at each other because they each want the other to do or think in their own way, then you've already lost sight of what's important.
People often say I'm a pretty groovy person - in terms of being relaxed and chilled out a lot. Part of that is because I'm pretty timid, and it's not natural for me to express myself and my thoughts and beliefs over other people's. I like to avoid confrontation by letting things be. But if part of that is fear of agression, I'd like to think that part of it is the knowledge of how little aggression usually accomplishes - or the fact that when it accomplishes something, it tends to accomplish the opposite of what I consider to be important in life. Maybe other people put a premium on power and coercion and control, but I'm more interested in mutual understanding and respect. And aggression never accomplishes that.
So chill out, live and let live, and expend your energy in a more positive way. You'll feel a lot better in the long run.
Love
I believe in love. I believe that loving your fellow man does so much more for both you and him than hating him ever could. There's too much hatred in the world. What's all this fighting about, anyway? Can we for once consider our victims' perspectives and stop being so selfish? Love your enemy as you would your friend.
There's another aspect to the hippie's perspective on love - and that's the sexual angle. This one I'm slightly less aligned with. Hippies were all about free love. There was a great sexual liberation in the 60's, and I'm all for that. But the idea of sharing sex with strangers I'm not so keen on. I understand it can be a great way to connect with people, and promote love. But, particularly with all the complications involved, love can inspire some pretty wicked feelings too. Jealousy, resentment, control, possession, obsession. There is a dark side to love, as much as there is a light side. And then you've gotta worry about pregnancy, as well as diseases.
So in this case, I'd say I'm more on board with the psychological component of promoting love. I still don't think people should be too hung up on the physical aspect of love, but I'm not exactly about to promote having sex with everyone you meet.
Freedom
Freedom of mind and body. Freedom of expression. Freedom to be yourself. Freedom from the rules of the Establishment. I'm all about freedom. Dress code? Fuck that, I'll go naked if I feel like it. Only girls wear their hair that long? Fuck that, I'll let my hair grow as long as I want. You can't do or say or think or feel this or that? Fuck you, I am who I am and I'm gonna embrace that, not hide away from it, locking myself up into a rigid shape of a man that's been defined for me by an inanimate entity (the Establishment) that doesn't know a single thing about me, and cares only to further its own cause. If you really gave a damn for me, I'd be more willing to listen to your suggestions, but if that were the case, you'd understand that restricting me from expressing the things that are important to me is tantamount to slavery of the soul. And there's no way I'm gonna stand for that!
(This discussion is continued in the following entry titled "Drugs")
08 January, 2008
Burning Man (or Plans vs. Power)
I discovered Burning Man last fall-ish. I had heard about it prior to that, but I hadn't really paid any attention to it, or really understood what it was. But searching for information on alternative lifestyles after accepting paganism and nudism into my life, I took the time to find out what Burning Man was all about. Unfortunately, it's pretty hard to describe just what Burning Man is all about, since different people seem to take different things away from it, and so much of its alleged appeal goes beyond words. But what I came to understand from my preliminary investigation is that it's a radical weeklong arts festival in the middle of the desert, where the participants actually form their own society for the week, creating their own laws and living off of the desert. To me, that sounds incredible. A place where all the unnecessary constraints of society are lifted. It's a social experiment, and one that I would feel honored to be a part of.
So I told my brother about it, since I thought he'd be into the whole anti-Establishment aspect of it. I think he was initially interested, but then got kind of disappointed when I told him about the details and he realized that it was just a different kind of Establishment. He's extreme like that, and I definitely felt that he was being excessively harsh on it, and not really seeing it for what it was, and only punishing it because it couldn't live up to his personal ideals - which, frankly, I don't think he should have any realistic expectations of finding in the real world, unless created by his own hands. Anyhow, I think he realized this, as he has since changed his tune, and has decided that Burning Man is totally something that he wants to experience. And now he's pushing me to join in on the adventure. Since tickets go on sale in a week.
I get the feeling that for most people in my exact situation, this would be a no-brainer. Fuck yeah, go for it! And I totally want to. But I'm a methodical planner, and there are so many unknowns about this kind of an adventure, as well as some potentially unsettling knowns, that I have a hard time making the commitment. I don't want to try for it, then get out there, and find out that I don't have what it takes, or something, you know? Like my brother, he's not afraid of dying, and he doesn't seem to be particularly afraid of pain, either. He doesn't care what happens to him, and he's not particularly picky about certain kinds of creature comforts, either. For him, it's just a matter of, go out, and do it. What will be, will be. Not prepared enough? Fuck it, we'll get by. Not strong enough to survive the desert? Oh well, we'll just die, then.
Well, I have a lot of respect for the kind of strength of will a person needs to just go out and do something he wants to do regardless of the risks and unknowns, but it's not the kind of person I am. I would feel a lot better about the whole affair if there was another methodical planner in the group, so we could bounce ideas off of each other, and so I wouldn't have to feel the uncertainty of being the only one controlling the factors that could determine my very survival. What if I forget something? What if I don't know about something? I mean, is it really such a bad thing to be a planning type? I don't want to criticize my bro for being so "man of action" about the whole affair, but I have to admit, it puts a lot of pressure on me.
Then again, there are lots of things in life that I would have and will never experience without a lot of pressure. So maybe it's not all bad. Like I said, I just wish there was someone else I could help plan with. Somebody who's actually concerned about questions like, how will we have enough food and water to survive? How are we gonna manage a cross-country road trip in addition to the week-long festival? How tough is it really going to be in the desert for a week, with porta-potties and no showers? And what can we do to make it a little more bearable?
On the one hand, I think this could be an amazing experience. Living free without the rules that tear us down in everyday life in normal society. Experiencing abstract art exhibitions in the middle of the desert. Getting down to the basics of survival and seeing just what we are made of, at the core of things.
On the other hand, I foresee the possibility of things going terribly wrong. What if it just turns out to be sitting in an unbearable desert for a week bored with all the 'art'? What if I end up getting sick and the whole thing becomes miserable? What if getting down to the basics and being lost in a crowd of radicals where you have to ask somebody if you want something just ends up breaking me physically and/or psychologically? Not everybody reacts positively to extreme duress. Furthermore, what if there really are a lot of people taking drugs and having sex 24/7? I have very little problem with either of those things (as long as they leave me reasonably and respectfully alone, when I'm not in the mood), but I also don't particularly plan on taking part in either one. Finally, speaking of being left alone, can I cope with having potentially no privacy at all for a week?
And that doesn't even get into the logistics of making this trip happen. People say it's a couple hundred bucks for an all-access pass to this amazing experience. What about driving cross-country? What about stocking up on food and water and other supplies to survive the desert climate? I get the impression that there's a lot of sharing that goes along during the festival - people working together and helping each other out to survive - if you need something, ask and somebody will give it to you - but somebody's gotta have these things to begin with. And you're probably gonna need a lot of charisma or a lot of luck if you expect to walk into the festival empty-handed and just get everything you need from the good will of other people, with little or nothing to give in return.
Are you beginning to see the sort of issues that this affair raises? Now tell me, am I being crazy with all this worrying and planning, and should I just let go and let the spirit of the festival inspire me? Or is there something to my cautious instinct?
So I told my brother about it, since I thought he'd be into the whole anti-Establishment aspect of it. I think he was initially interested, but then got kind of disappointed when I told him about the details and he realized that it was just a different kind of Establishment. He's extreme like that, and I definitely felt that he was being excessively harsh on it, and not really seeing it for what it was, and only punishing it because it couldn't live up to his personal ideals - which, frankly, I don't think he should have any realistic expectations of finding in the real world, unless created by his own hands. Anyhow, I think he realized this, as he has since changed his tune, and has decided that Burning Man is totally something that he wants to experience. And now he's pushing me to join in on the adventure. Since tickets go on sale in a week.
I get the feeling that for most people in my exact situation, this would be a no-brainer. Fuck yeah, go for it! And I totally want to. But I'm a methodical planner, and there are so many unknowns about this kind of an adventure, as well as some potentially unsettling knowns, that I have a hard time making the commitment. I don't want to try for it, then get out there, and find out that I don't have what it takes, or something, you know? Like my brother, he's not afraid of dying, and he doesn't seem to be particularly afraid of pain, either. He doesn't care what happens to him, and he's not particularly picky about certain kinds of creature comforts, either. For him, it's just a matter of, go out, and do it. What will be, will be. Not prepared enough? Fuck it, we'll get by. Not strong enough to survive the desert? Oh well, we'll just die, then.
Well, I have a lot of respect for the kind of strength of will a person needs to just go out and do something he wants to do regardless of the risks and unknowns, but it's not the kind of person I am. I would feel a lot better about the whole affair if there was another methodical planner in the group, so we could bounce ideas off of each other, and so I wouldn't have to feel the uncertainty of being the only one controlling the factors that could determine my very survival. What if I forget something? What if I don't know about something? I mean, is it really such a bad thing to be a planning type? I don't want to criticize my bro for being so "man of action" about the whole affair, but I have to admit, it puts a lot of pressure on me.
Then again, there are lots of things in life that I would have and will never experience without a lot of pressure. So maybe it's not all bad. Like I said, I just wish there was someone else I could help plan with. Somebody who's actually concerned about questions like, how will we have enough food and water to survive? How are we gonna manage a cross-country road trip in addition to the week-long festival? How tough is it really going to be in the desert for a week, with porta-potties and no showers? And what can we do to make it a little more bearable?
On the one hand, I think this could be an amazing experience. Living free without the rules that tear us down in everyday life in normal society. Experiencing abstract art exhibitions in the middle of the desert. Getting down to the basics of survival and seeing just what we are made of, at the core of things.
On the other hand, I foresee the possibility of things going terribly wrong. What if it just turns out to be sitting in an unbearable desert for a week bored with all the 'art'? What if I end up getting sick and the whole thing becomes miserable? What if getting down to the basics and being lost in a crowd of radicals where you have to ask somebody if you want something just ends up breaking me physically and/or psychologically? Not everybody reacts positively to extreme duress. Furthermore, what if there really are a lot of people taking drugs and having sex 24/7? I have very little problem with either of those things (as long as they leave me reasonably and respectfully alone, when I'm not in the mood), but I also don't particularly plan on taking part in either one. Finally, speaking of being left alone, can I cope with having potentially no privacy at all for a week?
And that doesn't even get into the logistics of making this trip happen. People say it's a couple hundred bucks for an all-access pass to this amazing experience. What about driving cross-country? What about stocking up on food and water and other supplies to survive the desert climate? I get the impression that there's a lot of sharing that goes along during the festival - people working together and helping each other out to survive - if you need something, ask and somebody will give it to you - but somebody's gotta have these things to begin with. And you're probably gonna need a lot of charisma or a lot of luck if you expect to walk into the festival empty-handed and just get everything you need from the good will of other people, with little or nothing to give in return.
Are you beginning to see the sort of issues that this affair raises? Now tell me, am I being crazy with all this worrying and planning, and should I just let go and let the spirit of the festival inspire me? Or is there something to my cautious instinct?
03 January, 2008
Journal 001
Although I prefer the topical entries by principle, I figure I'm gonna have to start writing some generic journal entries if I want to keep this blog active. I love discussing weighty issues, but I can't wax philosophical every single day. My brain needs a rest sometimes, too. Anyhow, here's what I did today.
I got up, showered, and had dinner as usual, which places me at about a quarter to 7. Unlike most days, I had a reason to go out, and I didn't feel like putting it off. A couple days ago, I had raced out to the Circuit City over by Century III Mall to pick up a hard drive enclosure before the stores closed down for New Years. I ended up buying an enclosure that was incompatible with the drives I have, so I was left with the need to return it. Going to a store and returning an item is something I've never done before. I have to say, it wasn't so bad. But first things first.
I had a couple other errands to run, while I was out. First of all, was filling up the van (with gas). There's one particular Exxon station I always use, just because it's the first one I used and it's the only one I'm really familiar with. So instead of risking an unfamiliar environment and potential unfamiliar customs, I like to drive out there whenever I get gas. Unfortunately, the weather was blistery cold today (lousy Smarch weather!), so standing there in the cold while the van filled its twenty-some gallons of about $70 worth of gasoline was not a pleasant experience. But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
While I was filling up, I saw a cop car drive into the station area. Not an unfamiliar sight, but seeing a cop car always puts me on edge. It positioned itself at an angle in the corner, just to the side of the entrance back out onto the road, obviously in prime position for a quick getaway (or chase). I was optimistic, but I didn't rule out the possibility that he was waiting to run after me for some reason, so I nervously exited the gas station after filling up, and kept my eyes on it as I made the turnabout and headed back in the general direction of home. The cop car actually did move after I had left, but I checked, and it didn't look like it was headed in my direction. No sweat.
Next order of business was stopping at the ATM on the way over toward the South Hills to deposit a very generous Christmas check that I probably don't deserve, but couldn't come at a better time. That was pretty uneventful, except that the envelope adhesive didn't stick very well, likely due in some part to the cold.
Then I headed on over toward Century III, which was a bit longer of a drive. Maybe about 15 minutes. Having gone out there once a few days ago, again a few weeks ago while Christmas shopping, and a few other times in previous years, I'm starting to get used to the way, and getting better at catching those easy-to-miss turnoffs. Tonight, I had Fleetwood Mac's Vaudeville Years Box Set (Disc 1) playing on the CD player in the car during the trip.
I got to Circuit City, and the line at customer service had only a few people, but they each took a long long time to get their business done. There was only one guy at the counter, and a bunch of guys elsewhere in the store (particularly at the Verizon Wireless 'island') were doing nothing, so one of the guys in line (right behind me) started making a fit about it taking so long. Somebody came along and dealt with him. I myself was okay with waiting. Some of these people, you wonder if they've had to wait for anything ever in their life? Like, do they always get what they want right when they want it? I dunno, but patience has always been one of my virtues, I think. Plus, while I was standing in line, Derek and the Dominos' version of Little Wing came on over the store speakers. It was quiet, but it was still fantastically awesome to hear that great song in a store.
Finally my turn came, and the return was harmless, and quite quick. I collected my cash and moved along. I also wanted to pick up some blank DVD-R's, since I had run out while backing up data recently after my old computer died, and space was running out on my newer drive, so I needed more media. I probably should have just got some at Circuit City, but after standing in line for so long, when I finally got my return taken care of, I felt like it was time for me to move on. Besides, my original plan was to get the DVD's at Best Buy because I have some Best Buy gift cards I got for Christmas - but I ended up forgetting to bring the gift cards... I still ended up getting the DVD's at Best Buy, though, back over in the South Hills (although not terribly out of the way, on the path to going back home).
I didn't dawdle atBest Buy, it was a business trip, not pleasure. I got my stuff and moved on. Besides, I was anxious to get home and finish putting all my data onto one drive. I think I've finally managed to complete that process. Although now my 110-some GB drive that was only half full a few days ago is now close to capacity. Ah, technology is expensive, though. And I don't have a job.
The rest of my day I spent watching two movies that other people in my family got for Christmas. But they were sitting on the table as if up for anyone to watch, and one of them had at least been recommended to me. And the other one was a movie that I had wanted to see, so I figured I'd take my chance and watch 'em both while they were sittin' there.
The first one was American History X. It was a pretty intense racial drama. Really interesting, depicting a family getting involved in the whole white supremacy scene, and the consequences of that. Very good, for what it is, I'd say. The black guy in jail that helps turn the main character to the good side was a pretty swell guy. Man, the rape scene in the shower was disturbing. And of course, the scene where the main character kills the two black guys trying to steal his car in cold blood, is very powerful. Good story.
The second movie was American Psycho. Very good. Not really a horror movie, although there are definitely elements of that, but kind of more of a social commentary. The emptiness of the corporate world, and the sheer insanity of living such an empty life, and the things a person might be driven to. Very well done. I have to admit, though it was inspired by a comment recently made on another blog, I totally couldn't help relating the main character in this movie to my one friend from college. There's an absurdity to the way the character gruesomely murders these people, and has orgiastic sex, while maintaining this very calm and well-adjusted mindset, going on and on about certain details of a well-groomed high-profile lifestyle, and the merits of popular music. Very bizarre, and it leaves some important questions in your head at the end when it leaves you.
And that's about the most of it. I was gonna (once again) try to get to bed a little bit earlier this morning to try and make up some of the sleep I've been needing to regain lately, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. Oh well. I might head out of the house again tomorrow, as I still have those Best Buy gift cards, and one of the things I had wanted to pick up, I completely forgot about. (That would be a splitter cable so I can have *both* my speaker inputs as well as my FM transmitter all running simultaneously from one source).
I got up, showered, and had dinner as usual, which places me at about a quarter to 7. Unlike most days, I had a reason to go out, and I didn't feel like putting it off. A couple days ago, I had raced out to the Circuit City over by Century III Mall to pick up a hard drive enclosure before the stores closed down for New Years. I ended up buying an enclosure that was incompatible with the drives I have, so I was left with the need to return it. Going to a store and returning an item is something I've never done before. I have to say, it wasn't so bad. But first things first.
I had a couple other errands to run, while I was out. First of all, was filling up the van (with gas). There's one particular Exxon station I always use, just because it's the first one I used and it's the only one I'm really familiar with. So instead of risking an unfamiliar environment and potential unfamiliar customs, I like to drive out there whenever I get gas. Unfortunately, the weather was blistery cold today (lousy Smarch weather!), so standing there in the cold while the van filled its twenty-some gallons of about $70 worth of gasoline was not a pleasant experience. But you gotta do what you gotta do, right?
While I was filling up, I saw a cop car drive into the station area. Not an unfamiliar sight, but seeing a cop car always puts me on edge. It positioned itself at an angle in the corner, just to the side of the entrance back out onto the road, obviously in prime position for a quick getaway (or chase). I was optimistic, but I didn't rule out the possibility that he was waiting to run after me for some reason, so I nervously exited the gas station after filling up, and kept my eyes on it as I made the turnabout and headed back in the general direction of home. The cop car actually did move after I had left, but I checked, and it didn't look like it was headed in my direction. No sweat.
Next order of business was stopping at the ATM on the way over toward the South Hills to deposit a very generous Christmas check that I probably don't deserve, but couldn't come at a better time. That was pretty uneventful, except that the envelope adhesive didn't stick very well, likely due in some part to the cold.
Then I headed on over toward Century III, which was a bit longer of a drive. Maybe about 15 minutes. Having gone out there once a few days ago, again a few weeks ago while Christmas shopping, and a few other times in previous years, I'm starting to get used to the way, and getting better at catching those easy-to-miss turnoffs. Tonight, I had Fleetwood Mac's Vaudeville Years Box Set (Disc 1) playing on the CD player in the car during the trip.
I got to Circuit City, and the line at customer service had only a few people, but they each took a long long time to get their business done. There was only one guy at the counter, and a bunch of guys elsewhere in the store (particularly at the Verizon Wireless 'island') were doing nothing, so one of the guys in line (right behind me) started making a fit about it taking so long. Somebody came along and dealt with him. I myself was okay with waiting. Some of these people, you wonder if they've had to wait for anything ever in their life? Like, do they always get what they want right when they want it? I dunno, but patience has always been one of my virtues, I think. Plus, while I was standing in line, Derek and the Dominos' version of Little Wing came on over the store speakers. It was quiet, but it was still fantastically awesome to hear that great song in a store.
Finally my turn came, and the return was harmless, and quite quick. I collected my cash and moved along. I also wanted to pick up some blank DVD-R's, since I had run out while backing up data recently after my old computer died, and space was running out on my newer drive, so I needed more media. I probably should have just got some at Circuit City, but after standing in line for so long, when I finally got my return taken care of, I felt like it was time for me to move on. Besides, my original plan was to get the DVD's at Best Buy because I have some Best Buy gift cards I got for Christmas - but I ended up forgetting to bring the gift cards... I still ended up getting the DVD's at Best Buy, though, back over in the South Hills (although not terribly out of the way, on the path to going back home).
I didn't dawdle atBest Buy, it was a business trip, not pleasure. I got my stuff and moved on. Besides, I was anxious to get home and finish putting all my data onto one drive. I think I've finally managed to complete that process. Although now my 110-some GB drive that was only half full a few days ago is now close to capacity. Ah, technology is expensive, though. And I don't have a job.
The rest of my day I spent watching two movies that other people in my family got for Christmas. But they were sitting on the table as if up for anyone to watch, and one of them had at least been recommended to me. And the other one was a movie that I had wanted to see, so I figured I'd take my chance and watch 'em both while they were sittin' there.
The first one was American History X. It was a pretty intense racial drama. Really interesting, depicting a family getting involved in the whole white supremacy scene, and the consequences of that. Very good, for what it is, I'd say. The black guy in jail that helps turn the main character to the good side was a pretty swell guy. Man, the rape scene in the shower was disturbing. And of course, the scene where the main character kills the two black guys trying to steal his car in cold blood, is very powerful. Good story.
The second movie was American Psycho. Very good. Not really a horror movie, although there are definitely elements of that, but kind of more of a social commentary. The emptiness of the corporate world, and the sheer insanity of living such an empty life, and the things a person might be driven to. Very well done. I have to admit, though it was inspired by a comment recently made on another blog, I totally couldn't help relating the main character in this movie to my one friend from college. There's an absurdity to the way the character gruesomely murders these people, and has orgiastic sex, while maintaining this very calm and well-adjusted mindset, going on and on about certain details of a well-groomed high-profile lifestyle, and the merits of popular music. Very bizarre, and it leaves some important questions in your head at the end when it leaves you.
And that's about the most of it. I was gonna (once again) try to get to bed a little bit earlier this morning to try and make up some of the sleep I've been needing to regain lately, but it doesn't look like that's gonna happen. Oh well. I might head out of the house again tomorrow, as I still have those Best Buy gift cards, and one of the things I had wanted to pick up, I completely forgot about. (That would be a splitter cable so I can have *both* my speaker inputs as well as my FM transmitter all running simultaneously from one source).
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