Jordyn Jones' Top Ten Music Videos

If you haven't heard of her, Jordyn Jones is a minor celebrity pop star/model/influencer. Born at the turn of the millennium in the vicinity of Kalamazoo, Michigan (yes, it's a real place, and I've been there :-p), she journeyed to Los Angeles as a preteen, already trained as a dancer and ready to pursue her dreams of pop stardom. I first became aware of this rising young starlet when she started releasing music videos on Youtube circa 2014, juxtaposing her pretty white girl looks with a confident hip hop swagger. Over the years, she transitioned to a more traditional pop star image, and with age and maturity, has steadily grown in popularity as an Instagram model.

After having the privilege of attending a local cheer competition two seasons ago, I started watching Dance Moms to steep myself in the subculture. When I started season 1 of the spin-off Abby's Ultimate Dance Competition, I recognized with excitement a young Jordyn Jones just at the start of her career, and it reignited my interest. I devoured her Youtube content, including an adorable series for Awesomeness TV, in which she tries out various summer and winter jobs. Meanwhile, I put together a playlist of songs she's recorded, so I can listen to it in the car.

I'm currently in the process of catching up on her podcast What They Don't Tell You, in which she interviews her peers in the social media sphere. Being in a different generation, with no experience of the LA lifestyle, it's mostly conversations with "influencers" I've never heard of; but Jordyn's bubbly, happy-go-lucky personality is positively infectious, and I enjoy putting it on and occasionally checking in while I work at my computer.

I know Jorydn's a pretty white girl with all the privilege in the world, but she's genuine, kind-hearted almost to a fault, and surprisingly grounded for somebody who came of age in LA (I give her mom a lot of credit for that). She's also a bit of a teetotaler - which I can relate to - despite basically living in the fast lane. She tragically lost her dad a few years ago in an alcohol-related accident, and maintains a warm and hilarious relationship with her mom. She can dance. She can sing. She's funny. She's pretty - and she's never been afraid to market herself on that point. I'm not ashamed to admit that I stan her.

And so I wanted to celebrate the sunshine her web presence brings into my life (also because it's only fair, given that I've honored two other young starlets I've stanned in the past, right here on this very blog) by sharing with you ten of my favorite music videos she's released on Youtube during the last decade. We'll go in chronological order, starting with the earliest one (because that makes the most sense to me, and I hate ranking things).



Banji (Sharaya J cover)

Not the earliest music video Jordyn appeared in (she was briefly part of a girl group called 5 Little Princesses, or 5LP - search for the song Sugar and Spice), but her debut as a solo performer, and likely the first I ever saw. Whether you think it's the bomb or cringey AF (personally, I'm in the former camp), it makes a strong impression. Admittedly, there's a discordance between Jordyn's ultra-cute aesthetic and the darker stylings of hip hop (albeit not quite to 5LP's level of tween girls rapping about staying up late while wearing pink tutus and glittering tiaras), but I think it's adorable and it gives me something to appreciate about a music genre that doesn't normally appeal to me.

"Where did this, where did this chick come from?"

If you like this video, Jordyn's cover of Fancy by Iggy Azalea provides more of the same, with a steady bass beat, and a video that manages to make laundry day look chic. And if you're digging that schoolyard nostalgia, Jordyn and friends layer on the Lip Gloss in an unforgettable cover of Lil Mama's song by that name, decked out in cheerleader uniforms and dancing in front of an ice cream truck. If I have a lot to say about this era of Jordyn's career, it's because this is how I was introduced to her and it brings back fond memories.

"Hot girl, hands off, don't touch that."



Lips Are Movin' (Meghan Trainor cover)

Without breaking continuity from her previous videos (all of which so far have been directed by Nayip Ramos, and feature the familiar faces of some recurring backup dancers), Jordyn gives us a taste of her pop star aspirations and gets a little playfully jaded with what is probably the most popular song she's covered yet. And if you prefer this style over Jordyn's hip hop phase, you won't want to miss her cover of Katy Perry's This Is How We Do, in a video that gives off major beachy/urban California vibes.

"I know you lie - your lips are movin'."



Fiyacracka

I'm already regretting limiting myself to 10 videos, because I would be remiss not to mention I'm Dappin'. Notable in that it's Jordyn's first original song, it displays a somewhat more mature style while giving her an opportunity to show off her rapping skills. Although still playful, it's a bit darker (literally - with lots of indoor and night time shots), with a steady rhythm and a catchy chorus.

"I'm dancing, I'm snapping; my swagger is splashing."

But I've chosen to highlight Fiyacracka from this stage of Jordyn's career instead, because I think it's an even stronger offering. Many of the same things can be said about it, but the glamor is dialed up to eleven, and you can really begin to see the mature pop star Jordyn was becoming, as distinguished from the cute child star she started out as. This is Jordyn, barely 16, literally manifesting her dreams.

"When that bass drops, I can bang ya like a fiyacracka."



BRUH!

This is one of Jordyn's most imaginative music videos (once again featuring director Nayip Ramos), in which she and a couple of her cohorts play inmates of a girl's correctional facility, exploiting some of the tropes from women's prison flicks. It's so much fun! And if you've ever stalked her Instagram (just between you and me, I may have gotten my account suspended for running a page-loading script just to get to the start of her timeline - what's the point of having those pictures posted if it's humanly impossible to pull them up?), then you'll know Jordyn's faux crime ("too many selfies") isn't stretching the truth. Obviously, the slang term "bruh" was in use long before Jordyn got a hold of it, but I can honestly credit her for getting me to start saying it... sarcastically.

"I'mma let you, I'mma let you finish, but... bruh!"



All I Need

In this sunny video, Jordyn sings a pop ballad to young love - deep, yet fleeting - perfectly encapsulated in the chorus (which I catch myself singing in my head from time to time). The lyrics are poignantly prescient, as time casts a wistful sheen over the proceedings, in light of the fact that the video co-stars Jordyn's then boyfriend who is now her long-time ex.

"We're gonna be together forever... for right now."

For another song that portrays romance with an underpinning of melancholy, take a beach vacay with Summer, and view an even more mature side of Jordyn. If, on the other hand, it's more upbeat pop covers you want to hear, I can recommend Starving and The Middle, as well as an angelic duet with Sam Bruno singing Ariana Grande's No Tears Left To Cry.



New (Daya cover)

For this video, we once again take a darker turn, with a glamorous-looking Jordyn in the back seat of a car riding through the city at night, agonizing over a messy breakup, and realizing only too late the value of what she's lost. Although it's a cover, the emotion is palpable, and I enjoy the play of the lyrics. In fact, I prefer it to Jordyn's cover of another, more popular Daya song - Sit Still, Look Pretty (although that one is also good, and I appreciate its message of empowerment).

"Messing with someone new, thinking I wanted to;
turns out I don't want new - I want you."



Ain't My Fault (Zara Larsson cover)

"It ain't my fault you came here lookin' like that."

I love the way this song sounds. I also love the video. I think it's really cute the way Jordyn repeats the word "nope" in the chorus. I love how it's shot in a single take, while Jordyn moves around the studio. I love how the backup dancers come in and out of frame at different points during the song. I love the way Jordyn whips her ponytail around. I don't even care that the lyrics sound rapey; fair or not, when it's a pretty girl singing them, I'll let it slide. If you like the sentiment, but want something a little less problematic, check out Can't Say No from Jordyn's 2019 self-titled EP.

"Can't say no when you're lookin' like that."



Think About U

"Every time I think about you, I just think of making love."

This is my choice of videos from the aforementioned EP. The song is pop, but the video has a bit of a grungey aesthetic, and features Jordyn practically dripping with desire. Also of interest is the video for More, another track from Jordyn's EP, featuring Jordyn with cotton candy blue hair. Notable in that it co-stars Jordyn's more recent ex, I daresay the wound might still be too fresh to properly enjoy it.

"More of your touch, more of your eyes, more of your tongue..."

That said, it's not as raw as watching Jordyn and her ex play-act a fight in the video that portrays her ending up on the beach at sunset with duet partner Wesley in Intimate.

"I'm trying to keep it intimate, so let me know if you are into it."



Blind

"I fall deep, take the pain till I can't breathe."

Released in April of 2020, this is the epitome of "quarantine" music videos - featuring Jordyn rolling around alone in bed in a thin crop top and ripped jeans. You'll either love or hate the video's unwavering commitment to its retro VHS aesthetic - personally, I think it's spot on. I prefer this one precisely for its raw quality, but you might also like to check out Jordyn's somewhat more polished-looking video covering Hayley Kiyoko's Curious, in which she also appears in bed looking scrumptious. It doesn't have the heart-aching quality of Blind, but it's very flowery, white, and sweet-sounding.

"I'm just curious - is it serious?"



Love You Less

We finish this list with the last video Jordyn released before pivoting to podcast host, and probably the most imaginative one since BRUH! (once again featuring director Nayip). Jordyn embodies the role of a bad girl (somewhat ironically), dressed in scandalous outfits and (gasp!) smoking a cigarette. She's speeding down a desert highway, emotionally detached from the destruction she's leaving in her wake. With explosions, flashing cop cars, and even a flamethrower, the production mimics that of a Hollywood blockbuster. It's all a great deal of fun.

"I'm a train wreck for ya, I'm a mess;
God, you're such a heartbreak takin' off my dress."

And there you have it! I hope you've received a fraction of the enjoyment I get from viewing these videos. And Jordyn - thank you for sharing your talent, beauty, and positive energy with the world. I am in your corner, and I'll be looking forward to seeing what you do next. #teamjordyn #jjswag

Encounters

So, I just watched a new show titled Encounters on Netflix, and it's got me thinking about UFOs.

Don't get me wrong, I'm fascinated by the concept, and love to watch both fictional entertainment and speculative documentaries on the subject, because I have a curious mind. But I don't believe in UFOs. Which is to say, of course people experience unidentified aerial phenomena, but I remain skeptical that any of it ties to extraterrestrial intelligence, in the absence of any kind of convincing scientific evidence, which as yet remains out of our grasp. Pretty much the same way I approach religion.

We don't understand everything in the universe - not by a long shot. But we can make educated guesses about certain things, and the claims people make about aliens in spaceships clandestinely visiting Earth far exceed a rational analysis of the empirical evidence available to us.

There could be other intelligent life out there in the vast reaches of the cosmos - scientifically, it's not impossible. And even though it may be rare, on an astronomical scale, who knows? It could even be likely. Whether it's even possible for them to visit us, assuming they can find us and have the desire to make contact, considering the cosmic scale of both space and time, is another question entirely.

In the even more vast expanses of the human imagination, it may even be plausible - though not probable - for alien life of some kind to visit us in a manner demanding and capable of the utmost secrecy that documented encounters would require in order to be interpreted in this way. That said, like with extraordinary claims of religious phenomena, Occam's Razor instructs us to pick the simplest explanation that fits the data available to us.

It's not that my mind is closed to any reality that is unfamiliar to me. If a flying saucer landed tomorrow, and a green-skinned, one-eyed, tentacled monster gave a speech in a national address standing next to the president, or if impossible ships with impossible weapons started devastating the planet and enslaving mankind, I wouldn't reject what was going on before my very eyes. There just needs to be verifiable evidence for it first.

Consider how illogical it is for a society, having recently struggled through a pandemic, to be skeptical of what science tells us about how germs behave, while simultaneously defending the outrageous belief that the presence of flashing lights in the sky proves that our government is talking to beings from beyond the stars. On second thought, maybe those two superstitions are linked.

I don't doubt the visceral feelings and sometimes traumatic emotions that people endure. But I know a little something about how little our brains can be trusted to accurately interpret our sensory perceptions, and it's not solely because I took a few courses in psychophysics in college. I was able to experience it firsthand, during an isolated bout of sleep paralysis that occurred 17 years ago, in which I was convinced that I was awake, and that there was a malevolent humanoid figure beside my bed - until I opened my eyes to an empty room. It was the most terrifying moment of my life, but though I would not want to repeat it, I consider myself lucky to have experienced it once, as a powerful demonstration of the fundamental fallibility of human consciousness.

What I'm saying is, it's possible to remain skeptical about UFOs, while still being sensitive to the accounts of people who claim to have seen them. There are more stances than outright denial and unwavering belief - and, as always, the truth is most likely to lie somewhere in the middle. The way I see it, there are a number of different possible interpretations of any given UFO sighting (or abduction encounter). They're not all going to have the same explanation. Ranging from the least sensitive to the most outrageous, this is what immediately comes to mind:

Possibility 1: The Lie. There was no encounter. Either the witness knows this, and is engaging in willful deception, or has been made to believe - perhaps through the power of suggestion, or a fault of memory - that it happened. This interpretation isn't very sensitive to the witness' perspective (#BelieveTheAbductee, anyone?), but it has been known to happen.

Possibility 2: The Hallucination. There was some form of encounter, but only in the witness' mind. It is the nature of the event that has been misinterpreted, rather than the fact of an event occurring. For example, during my bout of sleep paralysis, there was nobody standing beside my bed, but it sure as hell felt like there was.

Possibility 3a: The Hoax. There was an encounter. However, it has a man-made explanation, and was executed as a prank - either with the witness' knowledge or not.

Possibility 3b: The Weather Balloon. There was an encounter, and it has a man-made explanation. The witness has merely misinterpreted a fairly normal phenomenon. I daresay this is the most common explanation for an alleged UFO sighting, especially among people not overly familiar with the appearance and behavior of aircraft.

Possibility 3c: The Stealth Jet. There was an encounter, and it has a man-made explanation. However, the witness' confusion is justified, because it involves experimental technology. For obvious reasons, an explanation is unlikely to be forthcoming, and other possibilities may be proffered (especially Swamp Gas or The Weather Balloon) to defer speculation.

Possibility 4a: Swamp Gas. There was an encounter, and it has a natural explanation. The witness has merely misinterpreted a fairly normal environmental phenomenon. However, in many cases, there may simply not be enough evidence (especially if all we have to rely on is witness testimony) to provide a satisfactory explanation.

Possibility 4b: Ball Lightning. There was an encounter, and it has a natural explanation. However, the witness' confusion is justified, because it involves an unexplained environmental phenomenon. The fact that science has yet to provide an explanation does not mean it is truly supernatural.

Possibility 5a: The Flying Saucer. There was an encounter, and it involves some form of extraterrestrial intelligence. The technology is so far beyond our understanding, that it will be a long time before we can adequately explain it.

Possibility 5b: The Chariot. There was an encounter, and it involves a truly supernatural phenomenon that defies logical explanation, whether it be extradimensional beings, or some kind of spiritual manifestation (e.g., angels, or human souls).

Allow me to conclude with a quote from the series, followed by a few lingering remarks:

"What the story's about is that re-enchantment of the environment. People used to believe in all kinds of weird stuff. In modern times, we don't believe in those kinds of creatures, but... weird stuff is still here. Obviously, there's something - whether it's in here in the landscape, or in people's minds - they're having the same sort of weird experiences, but they're expressing them in the pop culture of the time. Whether it was supernatural, or natural, something happened that literally changed people's lives. And that, in itself, to me, is what's important."

- David Clarke, Journalist

---

I mean, even if it were true that the universe is teeming with life, either there would be observable evidence of that, or its reach or our understanding wouldn't enable us to observe it. In that case, it makes little difference what people believe. We can keep an open mind, in anticipation of the future advent of further evidence, without tying ourselves to beliefs that aren't corroborated by observable reality. And there's nothing wrong with that approach. In fact, it can be very dangerous to believe in things that are not backed up by empirical evidence.

As an example, germs existed before man discovered them. And though it would have benefitted us to have behaved as though germs existed before we had evidence enough for us to understand them, I wouldn't expect man to have done so. Because without evidence, how could we have known that germ theory (if anybody had even conceived of such a thing) - and not miasma or "bad humors" - was a true and accurate representation of reality?

If we blindly follow the wrong theory out of some arbitrary decision, instead of whichever is the best one our current knowledge offers us, then we'd be in trouble. This is exactly how religious faith leads us astray, by artificially inflating our confidence in the myths we've chosen, while blinding us to a reality the complexity of which is often hard to parse initially, but is constantly being rendered in greater resolution by the magnifying glass of science (the use of which religion often objects to).

There's nothing - except the evidence we're able to collect and interpret - to tell us which among all possible paths is true. And that's what science does, performed correctly. It doesn't have faith, it doesn't have bias. Humans have these things, and they sometimes taint their experiments with it, but science itself remains pure. It evolves as our understanding evolves, and always reflects reality to the best of our ability to perceive and interpret it. Or else it isn't science, and it needs to be replaced by science.

---

Like, people claim a relationship between UFO activity and nuclear power, and you don't think that it might have something to do with splitting atoms and the ionization of the atmosphere? Even if it's a phenomenon we don't currently understand, it's a heck of a lot more plausible than immediately jumping to "extraterrestrial entities are monitoring the progress of our technology."

Also, like, of course the FBI, the CIA, and other national security agencies are going to be monitoring unexplained aerial phenomena. It's partly their job. That doesn't mean there's a conspiracy to cover up contact with an alien culture. But if they're dodgy about transparency, it's because much of what they do is confidential, and if they can't explain something, it's better to keep it under wraps. You don't want the people you're protecting thinking you can't do your job, and you don't want your enemies to know what your limitations are, either.

My Solipsistic Nightmare

"Am I stranded on an island?
Or have I landed in paradise?"
- Paradise by Miley Cyrus

The list of social media sites I've voluntarily left keeps growing (who knew mainstream platforms like Reddit and Twitter were no less cesspools of immaturity than 4chan?), and the list of places that are left, for me to interact with people and express my ideas in a way that helps me feel like I'm not living in a solipsistic nightmare, continue to dwindle. Under normal circumstances, this would be the point where I would question whether the problem is me. Am I a toxic human being? But isn't that an overly harsh assessment? I know I have some pretty serious personality flaws, but I've spent my whole life working on them. And while I can be very judgmental of people (I believe this is a symptom of my OCD and perfectionism - I hold myself to impossibly high standards, and it bothers me when other people fail to do the same), above all I want to be liked, and I strive very hard to be diplomatic in terms of seeing different sides of an argument.

It's kind of funny, the phrase I used above - 'solipsistic nightmare'. In philosophy, solipsism refers to the belief that you are essentially the only conscious being in the world, and everyone else is a figment of your imagination. It's a fascinating concept, but a potentially dangerous belief. I more commonly like to use it symbolically, to refer to a world where you're effectively alone - there just isn't anybody else around. Like a post-apocalypse where you're the only survivor. Obviously, this isn't a technically accurate description of reality - all you have to do to disabuse yourself of that notion is look at the people all around you. But emotionally, there are times in a person's life where they really do feel alone, even if they're surrounded by people. Like how you can sometimes feel "alone in a crowd". This is especially true in the internet world of broadcast platforms and the interminable quest for likes, and exponentially moreso if you've ever had the subtly traumatic experience of being shadow-banned.

The reason I think it's funny that I've described solipsism as a nightmare, is that as a sufferer of crippling social anxiety, I can empathize to a certain extent with Sartre's claim that "hell is other people". I usually consider being alone to be my own personal form of paradise. It's not that I hate people, it's just that social interactions cause me existential pain. And the most direct escape from that pain is to be detached from other people. (Not exactly the Hedgehog's Dilemma - where you avoid opening up to people in order to prevent getting hurt - but very similar). I learned long ago that whenever I talk to people, I tend to frame my responses in a way that's optimized toward ending the conversation. In the back of my mind, I'm thinking "this is a stressful experience and I want to end it quickly." It's instinctual; I don't do it consciously. It happens even when I don't WANT it to happen.

"I've been one poor correspondent;
I've been too, too hard to find;
but it doesn't mean you ain't been on my mind."
- Sister Golden hair by America

So I have a complex whereby I've convinced myself that I don't deserve to have other people in my life. Because I'm not a good friend. I don't correspond, I don't stay in touch - honestly, I dread doing those things because they legitimately terrify me. And if that's the cost of not being alone, I'm not even sure it's worth it. The problem is - and this is something I've learned over the years - I can never be truly happy alone. It's stupidly obvious when other people say it, but in my case, it's no less true than it sounds counterintuitive to me. Although living alone in a post-apocalyptic wasteland sounds like heaven in my head, I know I would hate it. Because even sitting in my room by myself, I find that I crave interaction with other conscious minds. I just mostly can't stand getting it...

So I'm in a bind. I can either be lonely and comfortable, or I can be stimulated and stressed. And I know social media isn't the greatest place to be social - but you have to also consider my handicap. I can't talk to people. Maybe I could learn, if I had the right training - but I haven't a clue how to go about getting that. I talked to a therapist once and we both agreed that I would benefit from in situ therapy, but it simply wasn't a service he was able to offer. You have to realize, the only reason I can express myself to the extent that I do now, is because I've trained myself through relatively low-risk online interactions. Being face-to-face with someone, hearing the sound of their voice - these are triggers that turn me into jelly. It's not even a reaction I choose out of fear; my brain literally functions differently in the presence of other people (I mean, I don't have scientific proof of this, but I'm confident that I could get it if the right experiments were performed). I used to be scared even to post a text reply on a crowded message board, but I've gotten over that, through years of experience.

One thing that's stuck with me, though, is that I am incredibly sensitive. I'm not proud of it - although it does, ironically, help me to empathize with other people. I know how much it hurts to be in emotional pain, therefore it's something I hate to think of causing other people, and when I see it being inflicted on someone by a third party, I feel sympathetic, even sometimes when the assault is justified and the victim "deserves" it. For example, #cancelculture and toxic Twitter. Yes, people should be held accountable for their behaviors as well as their opinions (just because you're entitled to have one doesn't mean I have to respect what it is). But there are a LOT of people being bullied online without justification (not any real one, anyway). But even the people who DO deserve it, I feel like the punishment is often cruel and unusual. And it just creates this "shoot first" culture that glorifies abuse and harassment and creates far too much collateral damage, where words are habitually taken out of context, and innocent people are tarred and feathered merely by guilt of assocation (or for committing the crime of "non-condemnation" - which is the rational approach to a situation you don't possess sufficient knowledge of).

"The time is gone, the song is over;
thought I'd something more to say."
- Time by Pink Floyd

You know what? This is getting a bit long, and I don't feel like talking about how much it hurts when rude people say mean things on the internet right now, so I'm just gonna end it here. I may or may not continue it later. And if you couldn't be bothered to read even this much because there are more than three sentences to a paragraph, and the paragraphs all exceed Twitter's 288 character limit, well then... I have no words for you.

NFTease

I'm humble enough to admit that I don't understand NFTs - neither how they work nor even what they are (consider the part in the video about "deliberate obfuscation" - 8:36-9:12). But I'm open-minded enough to have given them the benefit of the doubt, while networking with artists on Twitter. And I'm future-minded enough to buy (although not literally) into the promise of change, because the system we've got right now - it's not working.

But I'm also not dumb, and I can tell you that NFTs have never passed my own personal sniff test, and they're not something I ever felt compelled to mess with. I also just watched the Wolf of Wall Street, so the idea that people can make millions of dollars scamming the gullible and the diseased (i.e., suffering from gambling addiction) by selling the IDEA of something that is in fact worthless - well, that's real.

It's also a poetic irony that the artists I was networking with on Twitter sold this shimmering idea of an artist's retreat where creatives would meet and collaborate, and it seemed like it could be the first time I'd ever have any real world contact with another human being involved in the controversial niche I've dedicated my life to - nude photography. So much so, that I canceled my summer vacation plans (this was two summers ago) to leave my schedule open, and then in the weeks leading up to the trip, the retreat evaporated into thin air with barely a mention. At that point, the community organically dissolved. The artists are still out there, but the camaraderie I thought we had simply vanished.

I think it's valuable to cultivate the ability to consider both sides of any issue (and if there are any issues I sound one-sided on, then you need to think long and hard about why that is). I get why people WANT to believe in NFTs. Aside from the "get rich quick" scheme which is never anything more than a scam, I heard a lot of talk about decentralization, and taking power out of the hands of the establishment. But seduction is a form of manipulation. It doesn't mean the ideals are flawed. But you have to be careful that you're not being strung along - and for who's benefit? Not your own.

So I also feel gratified listening to what sounds like a competent takedown of the whole phenomenon. I'm hesitant to sign onto anything that could be labeled close-minded or regressive. But what can you say about a concept that literally nobody is able to explain in a way that's simple and makes intuitive sense? It's almost humorous - if it weren't so alarming - how common the mantra "I don't really understand NFTs, I just want to get in on the ground floor" was among the artists I interacted with.

For better or worse, when I don't really understand something, I try to keep an open mind, but I'll take a step back and lurk more. Do my research. Maybe that approach isn't really better - I'm fairly risk-averse, and I will never be successful because in order to reach the top you have to take a leap of faith that will lead nine out of ten people into the gutter. But caution and rational examination of a situation - these are useful skills, too. They could even save your life someday.

Chains and Things

I'm not superstitious as you know, but in a lifetime, your mind is bound to wander. I'd just as soon curse God for the handicap I was born with, than view it as if it serves some greater purpose. The important point there is that it's a matter of perspective. Whether I'd be happier believing in a divine purpose isn't evidence for God, it's just psychology. And what if I simply don't have enough of an impaired conscience for that kind of self-deception? Do I then deserve to suffer?

Even if there WERE a God and hardship served a valuable purpose, more good could be accomplished in a two-way relationship with this all-powerful being, instead of one-way devotion to a negligent and absentee guardian, whose divine bounty depends on the uncharacteristically petty demand for blind faith without acknowledgement.

I don't pray, and I don't go to church, but if you don't think I've spent most of my life aching for a God-like being (that doesn't exist - because I would know if He did) to guide me and console me, then you're being offensively ignorant of my circumstances (but no surprise there). It's not *really* God I have a quarrel with, because God is just a fictional character invented by man. It's the men who follow God that I truly can't stand.

Anyway, that was a bit of a digression. I've considered many times whether my handicap is an obstacle I was meant to overcome - one that's supposed to make me stronger, or perhaps more sensitive - or if it's a kind of restraint holding me back from going on a rampage through this life. I often wonder what I might have accomplished if my situation had been different.

Maybe it's egotistical to think things would be significantly different. Maybe I'd just be a little bit happier, living a normal life, raising a family, working a decent job. But I am ambitious. I'm not ruthless, but I'm not lazy, either. I want. When Kramer asks George, "do you ever yearn?" - that's me. I just wish I wasn't held back by forces that - and I hate to admit this, but it is demonstrably true - are even stronger than the limitless reach of my desires. What's the point? Why was I born into these psychic chains?

But in reality, there is no meaning. No purpose. Other than what we invent for ourselves. The universe doesn't care if we live or die. All that we have and ever will accomplish will one day be dust in the wind. And a few millenia after that there won't even be dust or wind because the planet will be gone. All life will be gone. There may be other life at some point. In the vast expanse of time and space, there might even be separate sources of life that meet.

Or there might not. Regardless, nothing is eternal. The only thing that matters is the here and now - which, in a cosmic sense, extends beyond any one person's lifetime. There's no sense in squandering the limited resources we have, and accelerating ourselves toward our inevitable end. Our existence may be a tiny blip on the scale of time, but it's all we have.

The universe is a harsh and apathetic arena. Pain is inescapable. We should bless the fact that we are able to experience joy and pleasure - and we should not overextend ourselves to create further suffering over that fact. The void of space doesn't care which dog eats which dog, because all dogs will be consumed by it in the end. Why should we not, then, strive to create a puppy paradise in the interim?

If killing you would make me happier, and I had the power to do it, who's to say what would happen? The disadvantaged stand intrinsically upon higher moral ground, simply because they have not been exposed to the corrupting influence of power. We would all like to believe that we'd have the restraint to put the One Ring down, but I think it's better for our conscience if none of us were ever confronted by that choice.

Democracy is ideologically equivalent to socialism. There is no such thing as equality so long as power imbalances persist. The only good ruler is the one who doesn't want the crown - and such a ruler would hand the crown off at the first chance, likely to one of the many clamoring to wield the power it represents. I think about all of these things when I think about my chains. But it doesn't get me any closer to a resolution.

Demonization

Fire Dance

I saw this image posted online and immediately fell in love with it. In fact, I'm thinking about getting a reprint to hang on the wall right next to my print of Soulacroix's Spring. It's a lovely painting, evocative of a classical witches' sabbath - women dancing nude around a fire out in the woods as the devil looks on. It has a darkly festive atmosphere, and the glowing, orange flames almost seem to jump off the page/screen/canvas.

Nymphs Dancing to Pan's Flute

But then I found an apparently alternate version of this painting, and the difference is night and day. Black and oranges are replaced by greens and yellows, and you'll notice the "devil" loses his horns and gains a flute. Credited to Joseph Tomanek - a Czech-Republic immigrant painting in Chicago in the early to mid-20th century - the first version is usually called "Fire Dance" by print sellers, but official gallery listings cite the title as "Nymphs Dancing to Pan's Flute" (circa the 1920s, as near as I can figure), which is more indicative of the mood of the second version.

Was the original something in between?

I can't find any information on the origins of the different versions. Were they all painted by the same artist, or did somebody else come along and creatively change the mood? Which version was the original? Was it something in between the two extremes? I'm not even sure I know which version I like best. But the transformation from mythological nymphs to mischievous witches is a perfect representation of the manner in which Christianity has historically demonized pagan religions.

Thus, free spirits celebrating the rapture of nature become evil agents in league with the devil. The Green Man is bathed in flame and recast as Satan. Women celebrating their freedom (and their bodies) are viewed as deviant sinners. What was intended to be festive merriment is conceived as sinister plotting.

Hell (and its attendant minions) was invented by Christianity to inflict suffering on the masses, and take away any joy that was sourced from outside the church, all in the service of steering them, through deception, to stand under the commanding authority of the cross, and serve as soldiers in a war that was never really about good and evil; it's just another iteration of us and them.

Is this not truly despicable? I'm not attacking Christianity out of malice - this is self-defense. I'm the person dancing naked in the woods. I'm out there, revelling in the ecstasy of existence, harming no one. Yet it's Christ's followers who have labelled me a menace to society, and who lead the hunt to isolate and eradicate my kind, forcing us into hiding, unable to honor our own spiritual beliefs. Believe me when I say this is personal.

You think I want to be sitting here at my computer ranting? I'd rather be organizing a nude art hike, and contributing to the rich tapestry of human culture and society. But beyond the fact that I'd struggle to find interested members - because most people would find the notion bizarre - I can't even float the idea without it giving people - even people who currently like me - doubts about the purity of my intentions, as well as ammunition to use against me. Because they've all been primed by cultural indoctrination in a country that was famously founded by Puritans.

Tumbling Down

I guess this blog is becoming rants I wanted to post on Facebook, but changed my mind. I don't know what the right balance is between speaking my mind on issues that bother me (and talking to my friends and family has a greater chance of making an impact than random strangers), and holding my tongue, not rocking the boat, and letting people continue to like me. I really want to be liked, and I don't want to have the reputation of being the angry activist. But at the same time, I have a powerful urge to rip a few new assholes. I hate the world we live in, and I hate that its trajectory is sending us further down the tube. I want to live in a world I can feel good about, with people who I feel have my back. And I'm not getting that. Vive la revolucion.

---

I'm really sorry.

I don't want to sound like a broken record who only ever spins the same song, that you're all tired of hearing (and half of you never liked in the first place). And believe me, I wouldn't do it if the situation weren't dire.

I don't enjoy politics, but it's not really something you can avoid, without burying your head in the sand. To the extent that I follow any of it, I'm non-partisan. Politics shouldn't be a sporting match, where both teams are the same, but the fans of each are mortal enemies of the fans of the other. But that's kind of what it's devolved into.

And I don't want to sound like a conspiracy theorist, either, but splitting the status quo in half to induce infighting and distract from any real progress that would threaten those at the top is a proven strategy.

I don't consider myself a liberal OR a conservative. But I'm a LOT more sympathetic to the liberal platform. Believe me, I have my complaints. But they're manageable complaints, compared to what the conservative platform is doing. Whatever their flaws may be, the liberal platform embraces diversity, justice, and freedom. Conservatives stand for judgment, conformity, and repression.

If you vote Republican, you are making the world a worse place. You're making MY life more of a struggle than it already is. It doesn't matter if you have a good heart, and good intentions. Maybe your faith in the Republican party is misguided. I'm not judging YOU. I'm judging the decision that is yours to make, whether or not to hand power to a party that is destroying our country, and making its people suffer.

I can't tell you how many times I hear about a new bill that's trying to be passed, that curtails our essential liberties in a mean-spirited way - and no surprise, it's the Republicans backing it. It's always couched in the language of "purity" and "family values" - which is Orwellian doublespeak for people who like to cut off their own children for who they can't help being.

I'm sure I'll make even more enemies for saying it's religion's fault. I don't blame the fictional character of Jesus Christ - he seemed like a pretty chill dude. He was a pacifist. He married a prostitute. He was a sage and I admire sages. But the people that follow in his footsteps couldn't be more different. I don't care about your theology, I care about the real world impact it has today.

So people live differently than you. So what? This is America. Aren't we a free country? Get your nose out of other people's business. It's not your responsibility to "save their souls". I don't understand it, because I feel like I have internalized this stereotype of the liberal platform supporting nanny state politics - but it's the conservatives who are engaging in this strategy now.

The latest in a long line of examples is Wisconsin trying to ban nudism in its state. By dropping the modifier "indecent", and not just outlawing its exposure in public, but outlawing the human body itself. What kind of nightmare dystopia are we living in? Why are conservatives trying to dictate others' lifestyle choices, and enforce the way other people raise their own kids?

It kills me. I only hope that statement doesn't become literal. Because every person that votes Republican - you are making me want to kill myself. Because I was born in the wrong world, and I'm losing patience with this one. I struggle to justify my own existence beyond a selfish desire, because I don't fit in here. I want to believe that, in a free society, I can be weird and just pursue what makes me happy. But Republicans are interfering with that every step of the way.

Liberals aren't blameless, but right now they're like the distant storm clouds (that may or may not ever break) while conservatives are the leopards eating my face. And the most insidious thing about politics is that in order to get the leopards off my face, it won't take one good Samaritan who can handle leopards. A majority of the population has to care enough about my existence to vote to get the leopards off my face. That's never going to happen. But while I sit here dying of a leopard attack, it adds insult to injury knowing that people I love are supporting the people who released the leopards in the first place.

Can you see it from my perspective?

I doubt anyone will even bother to read any of this. What's the point?

Religion and Politics

I'm caught in a bit of a tough situation, because I'm conscious of the fact that I don't want to court the reputation of being a judgmental bastard who never has anything to say except to rant about how much I hate people whose religious or political beliefs I don't agree with... but on the other hand, I feel my concerns are justified, and I've been told I'm good at articulating my thoughts (as long as I have time to write them out), and I feel that simply remaining silent only serves to allow the current state of affairs to continue uncontested ("evil to prevail" and all that). So, even though it doesn't really accomplish anything, I thought maybe I'd post some of my thoughts here so at least I could feel like I've got them off my chest.

I. Religion

As an atheist, my belief - which the Constitution entitles me to hold - is that this life is the only one I've got. So when your religion preaches about purity and sin, influencing secular society to adopt gymnophobic and sex-negative attitudes (to say nothing of the propagation of repressive, conservative stereotypes that crush the human spirit), and fueling the passions of fundamentalist busybodies who want to stick their nose in other people's business and pass laws forcing everyone's behaviors to adhere to their beliefs, on the authority of YOUR holy book (whether you personally support their agenda or not), know that you are condemning me to hell on earth, with no promise of any kind of reward after death. So if I look at you like you're a demon, know that it's because that's exactly what you are.

II. Politics

Enough of this bullshit where if you don't LIKE something, you try to argue that it's dangerous to expose kids to it. It's the pettiest way imaginable to try to get laws passed. Conservatives are doing a lot of it right now. I have no doubt that liberals have been guilty of doing the same thing. I don't care WHO is doing it, it's wrong. In this country, we have freedom of choice. You don't have to like other people's choices, you just have to keep your nose out of their business. If queer identities are harmful to kids, THEN SO IS YOUR CHURCH. You don't get to have it both ways. And you know what the difference between liberals and conservatives is? Liberals might argue that religion abuses kids (which, by the way, it actually does), but they're not passing laws trying to repeal the First Amendment. That's exactly what conservatives are trying to do. Why? Because their beliefs are so fucking fragile that they can't handle a single person in society looking and acting differently than they do. P.S. Queer identities are NOT harmful to kids. Repressing those identities is what's harmful to kids. This is scientifically documented fact (not to mention common sense). Deny it, and you don't just look like an idiot, you look like the kind of hypocrite who enjoys beating kids while telling them it's for their own good. That's you. Or, if you vote Republican, that's who you're handing power to. And I'm asking you to please stop.

Anti-Fandom and Hate Memes

I remember in the '90s you would occasionally find entire Geocities websites dedicated to hating on fandoms (Sailor Moon was a popular one that I recall). I always thought it was a bit suspicious that you would put so much effort into exploring in detail something that you hate. "Methinks she doth protest too much," and all that. (And I say this as a boy who liked Sailor Moon but couldn't admit it due to a fear of being teased - but I never made a website dedicated to hate, whether it's something I secretly liked or not).

Granted, reposting memes requires a lot less effort, but it can be irritating constantly being reminded that somebody else doesn't like something that you liked. Especially - and this can admittedly be hard to gauge, depending on what communities you're exposed to - when the repeated opinion is actually fairly mainstream. See, I can appreciate people whose opinions deviate from the norm (not on matters of fact, but on matters of taste), even when I disagree with them; because I respect the freedom of independent thought.

But stating your opinion that you hate the widely criticized pop culture phenomenon that everybody else hates, as if you were providing some unique criticism that goes against the grain, when in fact it's the same thing we hear from everybody all the time - especially when it's something that, while it might be flawed, I don't feel, as a fellow creator, deserves the outright dismissal it usually receives (a pro take would be interesting to read for once) - again and again and again...well, it's all a bit tiring.

Game of Thrones (the TV series) had flaws. It's still one of the best fantasy shows I've ever watched - straight to the end of the last episode. The Star Wars sequels had flaws. But they were heads and shoulders above the prequels in my opinion, and brought back a lot of the grittiness of the original trilogy that I miss. I watched The Walking Dead until it reached its conclusion. It had a lot of flaws, too. But you know what? I was still entertained - as a fan of the comic it's based on - right up to the bitter end.

I think Titanic is overrated and I've never watched Avatar - either the bloated (at least from what I've heard) James Cameron blockbuster or the live action Last Airbender adaptation (M. Night Shyamalan is another creator who gets a lot of flak, whose projects may be flawed but who I still respect - sure, the villain in The Happening was "the wind", but I still thought it was a clever story) - and don't have any desire to, but I don't make it my hobby to rag on them. Who knows, somebody might actually like them. And I'd rather spend time talking about the things I like.

Now it's possible I'm being a hypocrite without realizing it. Do politics and religion count? Because if it were just a matter of taste - a difference of opinion - I would be perfectly willing to live and let live. But politics especially - and religion also, insofar as it affects the lives and choices of people beyond its adherents (and it does - especially Christianity, with its obnoxious emphasis on conversion) - continuously interferes with my ability to be free, and pursue my own happiness.

I'm not trying to discourage anyone from critiquing entertainment they don't like. (I spent years reviewing horror movies, and while I'm generally a lenient critic, I can tell you I didn't like every single one). But the more it comes up - particularly unbidden, in the form of unsolicited social media posts - the more of a nuisance it becomes.

Demonstrating Full PLL

There's more than one way to solve a Rubik's cube, but typically, with the Beginner's Method, you follow these steps:

(first layer)
1. solve the edges (cross)
2. solve the corners

(middle layer)
3. solve the edges

(last layer)
4. orient the edges (cross)
5. orient the corners (face)
6. permute the corners
7. permute the edges

You can solve the first layer intuitively (without memorization) pretty easily, but there are also some simple tricks you can learn (e.g., daisy method, corner shimmy) if you don't want to use your brain. The middle layer requires learning two algorithms that are very similar (just mirrored), and will need to be applied multiple times. The last layer can be solved in four steps, requiring the memorization of 5 algorithms of varying difficulty, that may need to be applied more than once in any given solve. So, you can solve a Rubik's cube - every single time, no matter the scramble - only needing to memorize as little as 7 or 8 algorithms (2 of which are just mirrored versions of others).

It's neither the flashiest nor the most efficient way to solve the puzzle, but it's one of the easiest to learn. More difficult methods typically require you to memorize more algorithms to solve individual cases in a more tailored fashion, with less repetition. Beginner's CFOP, which I learned last fall, reduces your solve from seven to six steps, only one of which requires any repetition at all (and not even every time). After solving the cross, you can solve the first two layers (F2L) simultaneously, by pairing edges with corners. This can be done intuitively, once you learn the patterns. The last layer still requires four steps, but by learning 14 algorithms (plus one that is only a minor variation of another one), you can solve it every time by executing only 4 of those algorithms.

The advantage of Advanced CFOP is that it reduces the last layer from 4 down to 2 steps (orientation of the last layer, or OLL, followed by permutation of the last layer, or PLL), so that for every given scramble, assuming you're solving the first two layers intuitively*, the cube can be solved with the execution of only two algorithms! You can see why it's so much faster. The downside is that in order to do this, you have to commit 78 different algorithms to memory (57 for OLL, 21 for PLL) - although this includes the 14 you already learned. Yeah, it's a lot. Is it worth it? If you're a casual cuber, then almost certainly not. But if you want to be in the big leagues, it's mandatory. Besides, if you enjoy cubing, and practice every day, it gives you something new to learn. Just think of the feeling of mastery it will impart once you're done.

I've got a long way yet to completing Advanced CFOP. But I just reached a notable milestone - I have committed each of the 21 algorithms required for full PLL to memory. I bought a bulk order of 20 speedcubes to celebrate, so I could demonstrate my progress!



*I've been doing advanced intuitive F2L for so long I apparently forgot what the beginner's version was like. In F2L, you're looking for a first layer corner and a middle layer edge with matching colors, so you can pair them up and then slot them where they belong (repeating the process until all four corner-edge pairs are solved).

In the beginner's version, you first put the matching corner and edge in the top layer, and then pair them up according to one of just three variations. The advanced version streamlines the process (again, by learning more cases) by learning how to most efficiently match each pair even when they're not both in the top layer. I think there's about thirty different cases to learn (including all the mirrors). It was rough going at first, but I laid them all out in my head (with the help of diagrams I made on my computer), and practiced, practiced, practiced until I was able to remember how to solve each case without looking it up.

This is still the slowest part of any solve for me (which is typical among speedcubers, from what I can tell), because it takes time to hunt for the pieces all over the cube. That's why I'm practicing look-ahead, where instead of looking at what you're doing, you rely on muscle memory and focus on figuring out what you're going to do next, to reduce time wasted on the recognition phase.

Girl Friends

I can't say whether I would have been a good parent (although I know I wouldn't have been the worst one out there, from what I've seen). I have a kind of passive personality that may be a liability, although I know from anecdote and my own limited personal experience that taking care of a kid has a way of pushing you to do what needs to be done, because it's for their sake, and not yours. Indeed, this may have been the only thing that could have cured me of my condition of always being stuck inside my head and doubting myself. As my dad might remember from a disagreement we had when I was a teenager (then again, he might not), I subscribe to the philosophy that (within reasonable limits - I'm not a parental anarchist, either), while not being equals, adults should be friends with children, not just resented dictators. Maybe that makes me a better uncle or grandparent than a parent, but I do have a natural instinct to nurture and protect kids - not because I see them as innocent and vulnerable (although they often are; other times they are less so than we expect), but because I respect them and admire them for the people they are, and I want them to get the most from life (which is more than I let myself have, due to no fault whatsoever of my own parents).

Due to my social isolation, I was never faced with a serious opportunity to have children (despite a brief and uncharacteristic period of self-delusion around the time I graduated from high school), and I justified that fact by convincing myself I didn't want to have kids. Realistically, I didn't think I would have been capable of raising a child, as I've been barely capable of navigating society myself. I also have grave concerns about poisoning another generation with the significant mental health defects that have prevented me from having a fuller life. But from my perspective as I enter middle age, having had the unpredicted opportunity to watch other people's kids grow up, from babes in diapers to now starting to have kids of their own, getting to know them and spend time with them (despite how genuinely difficult they can sometimes be - like, I want to rent the well-mannered kids you see on TV and in movies, the kind who are perpetual "treasures" you never get tired of, and not the absolutely exhausting terrors they can be [seriously, it's a weird combination of feeling elated shooing them out the door at the end of the weekend, but then still recognizing how empty your life is until you see them again]). But despite all that, from my perspective now, there is a part of me that regrets - not my choices, but - the circumstances of fate that never gave me the opportunity to have kids of my own (as opposed to ones I have very little influence over shaping the habits and routines and beliefs of).

One thing I do know for sure is that there is a significant hole in my heart (although this may be the cart leading the horse, given that my feelings haven't changed since I was a schoolboy myself) from all the opportunities I missed out on in my own childhod, due to my well-hidden and therefore untreated mental illness and social isolation. And I know that being friends with girls (in particular; call me sexist, but girls just fascinate me endlessly) - as I am able to do now that I couldn't in the past (and being friends doesn't just mean spending time with them, but being a person they want to spend time with) - fills me with a warm and fuzzy feeling like nothing else can. I just lament that my own ongoing mental health issues (I've always had crippling anxiety, but my OCD manifests more strongly in the presence of other people, since it's easier to control your environment when you don't add the unknown variable that is other human beings; yet, my curse is that while escaping people is consistently a relief, I can never truly be content, in the long run, as long as I am alone) continue to get in the way of doing more of the things (that is, spending time with people) that make me feel like my existence wasn't a cosmic mistake after all.

I don't know what more there is to say about any of that. I just wanted to get it off my chest. Because the unexamined life is not worth living. And someday I will die, and all my ego concerns will be rendered powerless, but maybe my tendency to analyze and ability to articulate my own feelings will help somebody someday to learn a little more about what makes humans tick, so that in the long run, love and peace and progressivism will win out over fear and superstition, and we'll be able to make more people more happy in more ways, over all. Because why else are we here? The universe doesn't care about us and would just as soon let us suffer. Why shouldn't we put all of our energy into spiting its apathy and bettering our own condition? There's no God out there watching over us - that much is clearly self-evident (and to claim otherwise is not just ignorant but extremely offensive). We have to make our own destiny, because there's no one out there to do it for us.

Tekko 2023

Cosplay

After two vacations two weekends in a row, my photography is a disorganized mess. But here's my cosplay from Tekko 2023. Hard to believe it's been four years since my last Tekko, but it feels good to be back. I love what they've done with the rooftop patios. Technically, my cosplay isn't anime-related, but I really wanted to get some use out of my Luna Lovegood cosplays from that doomed trip to Harry Potter World we never got to go on back in 2020. However, in the future, now that Tekko is a July convention, I think I'll stick to my standby approach of wearing the skimpiest costumes I can come up with.

Which brings me to my Saturday cosplay. I finally got to wear my handmade Slave Leia cosplay I've been working on for years. And the best part is, even though it's quite revealing, I never got dress-coded once! (And that's despite having three different backup options for undergarments with differing levels of coverage). Skimpy cosplays are never going to please everyone, but they sure do please me (shout-out to, among others, Quiet from Metal Gear Solid, and that really excellent Naruto that put my own Sexy no Jutsu cosplay from years ago to shame). Aside from simply wanting to join in the fun, I feel strongly about my contribution to paving the way for men to be accepted in the same kind of outfits we take for granted that women are allowed to wear.

It was that feeling, after seeing a girl dressed in a skimpy Pikachu cosplay at Tekko many years ago, that inspired me to do my own Sexy Pikachu cosplay, which I am honored to say was anonymously awarded by a random passerby as "most sexualized male" one year. I've retired the original costume, but hopefully by next year I'll have the upgrade completed - a Shiny Pikachu in glamorous gold glitter! And maybe I'll bring my lightsaber and unlock the full potential of my Slave Leia cosplay - re-envisioned as a Jedi Warrior Princess. Because, to me, sex appeal is empowering, not degrading.

Merch

I told myself on Friday, while browsing the Exhibition Hall, that I wasn't going to buy a figure this year. I've got too many as it is; my shelves are full. Plus, dealer's room prices are characteristically exorbitant. I decided I wasn't going to buy any posters or wall scrolls, either, because I just spent the last year pulling down dozens of them that I no longer have a place to hang. I need to down-size my collection, not continue growing it. But aside from the cosplay, and the sense of community formed from a shared fandom, one of my favorite things about going to an anime convention is the giddiness of being surrounded by all the flashy merchandise in the dealer's room. It is truly a cornucopia of delights. Whatever your pleasure is - from sweets to fashion to toys to smut - there'll be something to tempt you.

For me, it's all the pretty anime girls staring back at me from the walls and off the shelves. I had fun investigating the hentai booths that a couple of vendors had set up on the showroom floor (with ID check for entry). It puts me in a complicated position, however, because I have somewhat refined tastes. I'm sex-positive, so I want to stress that there is no judgment intended whatsoever in the following statement. I enjoy the erotic arts very much (hell, it's become my life's passion), but I don't really go for the mainstream approach that is crude and over-the-top, with exaggerated anatomy and gushing fluids. That's why I was ecstatic when I discovered a box of somewhat more tasteful art books in the corner. In the end, I was able to pick up a treasured souvenir that I can add to my personal library, that will be more valuable to me than another poster or figure.

How, then, did I wind up buying yet another figure? Call it the spirit of the con. I was looking at some Milim figures (talk about a skimpy outfit), but the prices were outside of my comfort zone. Then I saw Black Rock Shooter. I actually cosplayed a palette swap version of the character (White Rock Shooter - the primary antagonist of a PSP game based on the more popular character, and probably my most obscure cosplay) several years ago. At first I resisted, but when I saw more of them on Sunday at a lower price point, I jumped on it. I'm justifying my decision by committing myself to paring down my figure collection, and focusing more on quality over quantity. I already have a selection of favorites on more prominent display, and I think Black Rock Shooter will look fantastic standing among them. I just need to weed out the filler. (Although even as I write this, I realize that'll be easier said than done)...

Wrap-up

I've discussed my favorite parts of the convention (cosplay and merch), but there are a few other things I want to mention about Tekko 2023 for posterity. Like how we tried out the Escape Room this year (it was so-so - we were paired with another group, and there was just too much chaos to keep track of all the clues). Or how some guy brought his homemade full scale Dragonslayer (the ridiculously large sword that Guts wields in Berserk), which I got to pick up! (It was heavy). Or how I *almost* got to finally rewatch Demon City Shinjuku for the first time since it aired at 3am on the Sci-Fi Channel when I was a teenager (but the video rooms were a hot mess).

Lodging

For more reasons than one this was a year of change. It's not only the first Tekko I've been to since COVID, but the first time not having the option to use my childhood home as a base of operations for the weekend. For most people, staying in a hotel is part of the convention experience. And I do enjoy that part of it - I even got to swim in the hotel pool! (This is a great activity for Thursday evening, when programming at the convention is light). But it does add a considerable expense to the trip, and it didn't even save us any money on parking.

Tunes

Less driving around all weekend means that I didn't even make it through my entire playlist of con music, especially after adding some prominent new entries this year. Listening to AKB48 and anime themes from the '90s is very nostalgic, and really gets me in the mood for the con, but it reminds me how out-of-date I've become. I should probably find some newer anime themes (some of the more notable series I've watched in the past few years include That Time I Got Reincarnated As A Slime, Dr. Stone, Dragon Quest: The Adventure of Dai, Jujutsu Kaisen, and Chainsaw Man), but in the meantime, I've added three albums of Blackpink (K-pop supergroup and female analog to BTS), and three albums of The Black Mages (composer Nobuo Uematsu's band playing heavy metal renditions of songs from the Final Fantasy series) to the rotation.

Companions

Yet another reason this year marks a break in continuity is that our regular companions' interest in attending the convention seems to have faded. So we found some kids to fill up those empty seats. They were (dare I say, "surprisingly"?) well-behaved, and as far as I can tell, they enjoyed themselves (their One Piece cosplay on Saturday got lots of attention), and appreciated the experience, as I appreciated their company. This is my 13th Tekko (and Tekko wasn't even my first anime convention), and notwithstanding the unprecedented circumstances over the past few years which kept me away, I haven't grown tired of it yet. Others' interest may wax and wane; I'm happy I can still find people who want to be there with me.

Programming

I don't even feel guilty saying that programming isn't one of the main things I come to a convention for, since there's so much going on and everybody that goes finds something different to focus on. I like the cosplay, I like the dealer's room, I like the crowds and watching the people go by. When I'm in a panel, I get the nagging feeling that I'm missing something going on somewhere else. That said, I sat in on three sword-fighting demonstrations (Longsword, Kendo, and then Kendo vs. Longsword), and attended a tribute panel to Super Nintendo RPGs. The latter was mostly a quick-paced string of "remember this game?", but the quiz at the end was fun (and while I didn't come close to winning, I did really well on all the Final Fantasy questions, which is to be expected).

Other than that, I caught the AMV Awards on Sunday (because it's a lot quicker than sitting through the whole contest, and you still get to see the best entries). The one that made the best impression on me was a Samurai Jack AMV titled Vagabond which won Best Drama *and* Best Storytelling. I've never watched Samurai Jack, but in the vein of that one Trigun AMV from (quite a few) years ago set to the song 45 by Shinedown, it's making me want to watch the show.

Every year I think it'd be fun to host (or better yet, co-host) a panel. To offer some of my experience and insight as a fan of anime and Japanese culture over the past twenty-five years or so. Walking into any random panel at Tekko definitely makes me think I could pull it off. I just need a good topic. Maybe something to do with cosplay, although there's already a lot of those (they had a whole room dedicated to cosplay panels throughout the weekend). I noticed on the schedule that the "cosplay is not consent" panel is celebrating its tenth year. While I agree with all the main tenets of feminism, I can't help recalling my own traumatic experience of attending a similar panel at Tekko back in 2012. I sat there in my skimpy cosplay while the panelists shamed people that wear skimpy cosplays, and generally gave audience to a lot of sex negative rhetoric. I felt extremely uncomfortable; the only reason I didn't get up and leave is because I was scared to draw attention to myself. So maybe I could do a "Consenting Cosplayers" panel, in honor of us conscientious voyeurs and exhibitionists who know how to respect other people's boundaries, but still enjoy it when cosplay enables us to cultivate and indulge opportunities to admire the exquisite masterpiece that is the human form.

Or maybe I'd better just keep dreaming...

Void of Christ

I don't think anything will change the fundamental irrationality of the god hypothesis, but this is what the church (and I'm leaving that term intentionally vague) must do to earn a modicum of my respect:

* Stop violating the Constitution, and get its grubby fingers out of politics. That means no laws predicated on moralism, and taking its name off of state property (including our national currency, and law enforcement vehicles).

* Acknowledge that religious liberty entails the freedom to believe whatever you like (as well as the freedom of the other guy to believe something different). It does NOT mean you are exempt from the law if your faith demands it.

* Church leaders should live ascetic lifestyles, and not profit materially from their faith (especially not at the expense of the poor and gullible).

* Publicly advocate, in no uncertain terms, for racial justice, sexual equality, and minority rights. Openly oppose anyone and everyone who speaks out against these things.

* Stop obstructing access to education, science, and health care in general, but specifically that which enables people to indulge in "the pleasures of the flesh" more SAFELY and more joyfully.

* Respect that there are as many paths to god as there are people on this planet. There is no "one true faith". Christ (or your preferred prophet) does NOT have a monopoly on salvation.

These terms are non-negotiable. And it is not enough to do some of these things, some of the time. The church must do all of them, all of the time. It cannot simply focus on its strengths, and sweep the dirt under the rug. The church has shamed itself, and must be considered on probation until it has proven, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it is in fact a force for good in the world. God is a tool that was created to serve man, and not vice-versa.

If these words offend you, know that that is not my intent. Religion itself is an offensive concept, and I am merely taking it to task for the evil it has propagated (and continues to propagate) in the world. If you genuinely stand for the positive aspects of religion, then you should be just as invested as I am in making sure the church lives up to its reputation, instead of continuing to drag itself through the mud. I will not acknowledge the good so long as the bad is allowed to flourish.

And if your argument for any of these things is that it's not the church's job, then I ask you, why is the church making it its business in the first place? And if your argument is that YOUR church isn't responsible, well, not being part of the problem doesn't mean you don't have a responsibility to be part of the solution. This is the "there might be flies on those guys, but there ain't no flies on us" strategy of deferment. If every church said this, then the problem would never be addressed. But if every church addressed the problem, it could be solved in a generation.

My Cubing Journey (So Far)

or, An Introduction to Cubing

About five years ago, I was rummaging through the attic, and I found a Rubik's cube from my childhood. I picked it up and turned it over in my hands. I thought to myself, it must feel great being among that hallowed minority of the population that can accomplish the seemingly impossible. So I vowed to finally learn how to solve a Rubik's cube.

The first thing I did was buy a new cube. I mean, come on, this cube was over twenty years old; you could barely twist it! Cube mechanics have advanced a lot over the years. Solving a decades-old Rubik's brand cube would be a feat of strength, and a trying test of one's patience. Never mind trying to speed-solve it.

The next step was to look up the solution. But wait, isn't that cheating? I thought so, too, and it took me a while to overcome my pride. But when I did, I discovered that rather than giving up, looking up the solution isn't the end of the game - it's just the beginning! The real accomplishment is learning to apply the solution, memorizing the steps, and practicing to get better.

In fact, there's more than one way to solve a Rubik's cube. The first solution I learned is called, appropriately, the Beginner's Method. It's not the most efficient way to solve a cube, but it utilizes a relatively small number of algorithms (in cubing terminology, this means a particular sequence of twists that accomplishes a desired result), so it's great for beginners.

Most people think you have to be a supergenius in order to solve a Rubik's cube. And while deriving a solution yourself would indeed be an impressive accomplishment, very few people have the ability (or the patience) to do that. For most people, cubing is a skill that is deliberately learned and practiced, not a spontaneous demonstration of superhuman intellect, as it's often portrayed in popular culture.

I'm not saying it's easy to learn how to solve a Rubik's cube, but it's also not as hard as you'd think. All you need is basic hand-eye coordination, a little bit of memorization, and a lot of practice. Now solving it quickly and efficiently? That's another story. The upper echelon of speedcubers can solve the puzzle in mere seconds!

An Aside: Beginning to Solve the Cube

Have you ever tried to solve a Rubik's cube? How far did you get? Did you manage to solve one face of the cube? If so, what was your next step? Chances are, you tried to solve a second face. This is actually not a very good way to solve the cube. Instead of thinking of the puzzle as six faces joined at the edges, think of it as three layers stacked on top of each other. Now envision solving the cube not face-by-face, but layer-by-layer.

The next step after solving one face should be to solve the whole layer. This can be done intuitively (meaning, without learning any algorithms), and isn't too difficult - you just have to think about which piece of that face goes in which slot. Give it a try the next time you pick up a Rubik's cube!

Taking the Next Step

My initial goal was to get to the point where I could pick up a scrambled cube and solve it - without referring to the solution - in a reasonable amount of time (say, under five minutes). I knew I'd reached that goal when I walked into a puzzle and game shop the following summer, spotted a Rubik's cube sitting out on the shelf, picked it up, and solved it on the fly. Nobody saw me do it, but I was proud of myself just the same.

And for a while, I was content. Until this past year, when I decided to take the next step and become a speedcuber. Bit by bit, I learned the most popular speedcubing method - a solution that is faster than the Beginner's Method, but requires more practice and more memorization. It's called the Fridrich method, though cubers commonly refer to it as CFOP ("see-fop"), after the four steps involved:

1. (C)ross - solving the white* cross
2. (F)2L, or First 2 Layers

3. (O)LL, or Orientation of the Last Layer
4. (P)LL, or Permutation of the Last Layer

*White has been chosen arbitrarily as the starting color. In truth, the solution will be just as effective no matter what color you start with. Color neutrality - the ability to solve a cube starting with any color - can even yield a small but meaningful advantage to advanced speedcubers.

Choosing a Speedcube

As of the beginning of this year, I have committed CFOP to memory. Granted, it's the beginner's version, with full intuitive F2L and 4LLL (4 Look Last Layer - i.e., 2-Look OLL followed by 2-Look PLL). There are more advanced versions for more advanced cubers (requiring more algorithms to be memorized). In other words, I'm far from the end of my cubing journey. Now, I probably should have done this when I started learning a speedcubing method, but I figured this was an appropriate milestone to mark the purchase of my first speedcube (edit: or four, as it turned out).

Yes, that's right. I learned CFOP on a regular, Rubik's brand cube. What's the advantage of a speedcube, you ask? Well, they're designed for speed. They turn much faster and much smoother than regular cubes. They can be lubed up, tightened or loosened to your preference, and often employ magnets to improve the accuracy of your turns. Apply the right finger tricks (serious cubers turn the cube with their fingers, not with their wrists) to your favorite algorithm, and you'll feel like a speedcuber in no time. Seriously, it's so much fun, I have a hard time putting it down!

A False Dichotomy

There are a lot of speedcubes on the market, and I can't tell you how to choose one; I can only tell you how I chose mine. Rubik's brand is not high on the list of any serious speedcuber (which may or may not surprise you), but for now, as a beginner speedcuber, I find Rubik's brand speedcube to be ideal. I'm sure an experienced speedcuber would find it as hard to twist as I find my decades-old cube, but I don't think I'm ready for a faster speedcube yet, and in comparison to the non-speedcube I've been using, it's a joy. But there's another important reason I chose this cube.

When choosing a cube, most speedcubers are faced with the option: stickered, or stickerless? The original Rubik's cube utilized a stickered design. More modern cubes are stickerless, where the color is embedded into the cube. This yields a smoother surface, and reduces the effects of wear-and-tear. However, I much prefer the classic look of the Rubik's cube, with the original colors, and the black borders around the edges of each square. Believe it or not, Rubik's modern version of the cube embodies the best of both worlds - it is a tiled model with the tactile advantages of a stickerless cube, but with the classic, stickered look. Unfortunately, this design does not seem to be very popular in the speedcubing world. I only hope that will change with time.

An Example Solve

And with that, I think I've said enough about solving the Rubik's cube. I am amazed by how much depth exists within this clever, handheld puzzle. There's always more to learn; even after years of working at it, I'm still having fun. I'd call myself an intermediate cuber overall, but I have lots of room to improve. To finish, I'm including a video of one of my recent solves. Such a demonstration might be considered "bragging", but let's be honest: part of the thrill of learning to solve a Rubik's cube is showing off that you can do it. If you put in the work, you deserve the reward. After all, I'm only asking for about a minute of your time. :-p