Crapshoot

My high school astronomy teacher's motto was "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing right." I live by that philosophy, but mostly because I'm terrified of making mistakes and being judged for them. Regardless, the result is that I'm meticulous. I'm not dumb, but I'm a slow learner - because when I learn things, I learn them deep. I sit back and observe, absorbing and understanding, until I feel confident to step up. And where does it get me? Nowhere. Some half-brained ape gets all the opportunities and fumbles into success while the perfection and precision I've made painstaking effort to accomplish goes completely ignored. So much of what I was taught, and how I've conceived of the world from a young age, was a lie. I look for order, reason, and justice. There is none. Meritocracy is a fantasy. Life is a crapshoot; there is no skill more valuable than luck. And it's not something you can build or train or learn.