23 December, 2007

Arousing Beauty (or Ero-sthetics)

While I'm baring my soul and exposing all my deepest inner secrets, I feel the need to take a moment to discuss the topic of sexuality. I understand that it's a sensitive issue, so, true to my style, I'll try to be as tasteful as I can, without holding back anything that I feel I have to say.

I'm not really sure if this is a revelation, or a 'duh' statement, since I really don't talk about this sort of thing with many (any?) people, but I'll admit that I enjoy a little porn every now and then. Mostly in the form of sexy pictures that I've trawled from the glorious internet. I'm conflicted, because part of me - the part that's been trained by society - can't help but feel ashamed by this, because sex and especially porn is supposed to be this dirty entity that we're supposed to avoid. You know, sin and all that. But another part of me realizes that porn is one of the few reliable pleasures in my life. Although my ecchi-meter varies over time, the truth is that at any time I can pull up a picture of an attractive member of the female race, and it never fails to make me feel good. If you think about how much life tends to suck, that's pretty freaking awesome. So I feel like it's something that I should respect and foster, as long as I don't let it turn into an addiction and allow it to run (ruin) my life. But, as I see it, sexuality is an important part of life. It's connected to love, and love is probably the single most powerful emotion we have. Granted, there's a difference between physical gratification and emotional companionship. And in my situation, emotional companionship is rather hard to come by. But that doesn't mean that I can't enjoy a little physical gratification here and there - and if I can, why shouldn't I?

Attraction is fueled by beauty. And beauty is a form of art. Why should a piece of art that turns me on sexually be considered any less important than a piece of art that stimulates me intellectually? Because it's easy to turn a guy on? Because you can take any girl off the street and strip her nude to get the same effect? Well, frankly, I don't think that's true. I have pretty discerning tastes; I've always been known to be rather picky. Plus, I'm a perfectionist. But even so, just because there's a guy that likes every piece of art in the gallery, does that mean that none of them should be considered art?

I think there's a big problem with the way society treats pornography as trash. But that problem stems from both sides. Society treats it as trash, and as a result, the people behind the scenes accept that they're producing trash, and they use that as an excuse to make a pretty crappy product. It's something like catering to the lowest common denominator. Porn could be amazing, but since it instantly gets slagged off as trash, nobody's willing to create a product and defend it as art. Truthfully, there are some, but because of the stigma, it doesn't get the recognition or the audience it deserves, and no progress is made. Then you have the other side of things, where other forms of art add an element of sexuality to what they already boast. These can still be very respected and highly regarded, but there's a line that people are afraid to cross, because they want to avoid being labeled as pornography, which is an instant death blow to their credibility as artists. So there's very little progress from that side, too.

There have been times when I've felt that my own sexuality was more a nuisance than anything else, and that I'd prefer not to have to deal with it - that life would be simpler and easier without sex in any form. But you know, over time, I've kind of learned how to enjoy it for what it is. And now I feel like I wouldn't want to lose that for anything in the world. Like I said, it's one of the few reliable pleasures I have in life.

As far as my tastes are concerned, I'm a much bigger fan of softcore pornography than the hardcore variety. I like a little hardcore every now and then, just to get my heart beating, but it's mainly conventional stuff. I'm quite frightened of some of the disgusting fetishes out there. To each his own, but some things I'd just rather not think about. At any rate, softcore porn has a more innocent quality. It's enticing, but it's not in-your-face. Just the shape of the female body alone is a thing of beauty. Besides, I'm attracted to purity, and I don't really care to see what a slut can do with a few props and a couple guys. That having been said, there's not much that's purer than the erotic love between two women...

I have a minor interest in fashion. Obviously not as a consumer, and not so much as a model - hell, not even as a designer. I just love the idea of dressing a girl up in various outfits or costumes. I guess it's probably more from a photographer's point of view. I have had a minor interest in photography for most of my life, and I would just love to have a model to pose for me. That could be so much fun. But for a person like me, the possibility of that is nil. The first problem is finding someone to agree to that sort of thing, and the second problem is actually having the confidence to direct the shoot.

And now for a dissertation on my stylistic preferences, just for the sake of conversation... what do I look for in a girl? What turns me on? First of all, I'm attracted to youth. Not in a creepy way, just in a natural way. I prefer girls that are younger than I am. I don't go for the 'mature' thing at all (age-wise, not attitude-wise). I like girls that are smart, that don't talk too much, but aren't afraid to open up to the people that matter - mystery is sexy, but unreachability is heartbreaking. The chatty types that can literally talk for hours at a time without a break are best left alone. Physically, my favorite body type is tall and thin. Not skeleton thin, but I definitely prefer lean to meaty, and I have to disagree with the people who argue that thin isn't sexy, despite their good intentions (fighting back against eating disorders and all that). I prefer lighter skin - to me, tan isn't particularly sexy, and tanlines are even worse. On the topic of skin, I don't like tattoos at all; neither do I like piercings. Earrings are fine. Navel rings bug me. Tongue piercings and anything weirder than that generally turn me off. I'm a natural kind of guy. I look at the legs before I consider the chest. On the topic of legs, my attention is typically drawn more toward the calves than the thighs. Huge breasts are a turn-off. Average size is nice, but if I had to pick, I'd take a little small over a little large anyday. I definitely like long hair, but medium is fine, too. Really short cuts turn me off. I have a weakness for blondes, though to be honest, the style and how it suits the girl is more important than the color. Even though I've waited this long to mention it, having a pretty face is essential. That's where the majority of the emotion comes from. I'm not into the heavy makeup scene. A little bit is alright, and can be nice, but the natural look is what counts. Fashion turn-ons? I love flared jeans, and shirts with flared sleeves. Boots of most kinds are attractive, particularly black leather (but not the clunky ones that are too overly goth). Then again, barefoot can be very sexy. Miniskirts have an obvious appeal, what with showing off the legs and all, especially when combined with boots, or alternatively, heels (sailor senshi anyone?). I like pretty dresses and flowy gowns as well. Generally, anything that exudes an aura of femininity is a plus (that extends to voice as well). As for colors, it really depends on what looks good on the girl, but I'll always give extra points for my favorite color (green). For pajamas, less is more, unless we're talking about a nice flowy nightgown - like a princess, not like a hag. Panties are always a good bet. Pajama pants are a major buzzkill. On the topic of undies, a girl should never wear boxers. Thongs don't do particularly much for me, either, as they tend to have that "big butt" connotation that doesn't interest me in the slightest, although this is not a hardfast rule. In the swimsuit department, the best option is what suits the shape of the body. A good looking bikini is hard to match.

I know it probably sounds like I'm being insufferably particular, but you know, these are just the things that excite me the most. That's all. I have a realistic expectation of life (life has made sure of that). But that doesn't mean I'm gonna just stop dreaming. Fantasy is a wonderful thing in that respect. Acknowledge what entices you. Ignore it, and you're bound to live a pretty boring life...

And if you don't push the boundaries every once in awhile, how will you ever know how far you could have gotten?


  1. I feel like all the repression of sexuality in America makes it just that much more rampant. From what I understand, guys in other (non-Western, non-Americanized) cultures aren't really the horny beasts American guys are supposed to be.

    I mean, if people really thought about sex as often as some guys we know, then I can't see how anything in the world would have ever gotten done.

    That having been said, I can appreciate some good porn as much as the next guy, but there's just not terribly much that interests me. We seem to share roughly the same tastes, though I'd have to go a little pickier than you and say she has to look "interesting", something more than the sum of her parts.

    I suppose the only switch I'd make on your template is to say that I prefer darker hair that contrasts with light skin, so dark brown or black. I do love dark blue eyes with pale skin and brown hair, but it's such a rare combination that it's hardly worth singling out only those people.

    As far as fashion goes... I don't really care. The kinds of girls I like either have an innately good sense of fashion or just look good in whatever the hell they throw on. It's a non-issue.

    I do have to say, I prefer longer hair. At least shoulder-length.

    It's funny, though, because despite all of this, my tastes rarely coincide with the tastes of anyone else I know.

    I guess I'm just too picky.

  2. Oh, I forgot to mention collarbones. I can't quite explain it myself, but there's something indescribably sexy about a nicely shaped collarbone.

    Also, I like slender fingers. Long nails are optional.

  3. I think I'd be more of the guy who likes every piece of art in the art gallery. Just like how I listen to Burzum one day and Regina Spektor the next, when it comes to porn I have any number of different things I might be into on any given day. I go from deeply traditional and heart-fulfilling fantasies to ultimate kink back and forth easily. The Todd from Scrubs is a character I respect and relate to, because he is filled with such a brimming respect for sexuality. That's what I have. As for actual dates, never had one of those... I'd have to guess that someone's actual relationship with me would effect how attractive I find them. Except that doesn't seem true because there have been some girls who have been pretty close with me and yet didn't make much of a connection, due most probably because those girls had the one and only body type that I don't like... While we're being rather confessional, I must confess that I think I have a very mild foot fetish. It's not like I ever look at pictures of feet or anything, but for me bare feet is like some kind of ultimate symbol of intimacy. So I really enjoy that. Then again, sometimes it's really hot when a girl has nothing on but socks, and I wouldn't want those socks to go away...

    My attraction to girls seems to be almost character based. Like, I'll like anyone who seems to have something about them, like tarepanda said. I mean, it's very moving to me. For me, seeing an attractive person is a religious experience. It's tied in with all my hopes and dreams and everything. And yet, most attractive people I see are people I don't know and have never met and it's really extremely discouraging to know that even though it seems so deep and meaningful to me, it's still solely based on appearence. It's appearence that triggers very deep concepts and such, but it's not like someone who looks a certain way believes certain things or feels a certain way.

    I think you know this, but Look Upon Satan With Laughter is about masturbation and post-climax guilt. So is YCRTW to an extent. Sexuality to me is the most highly revered aspect of all of existence, bar none. Even so, I wish that I didn't have it. More trouble than it's worth, I mean what has it ever gotten me? Luckily though I am well over most of my sexual guilt, virtually all of it. I do know someone who can't masturbate because it makes them feel very empty and/or lonely. I've actually started to relate to that lately, but as always I am shielded by my natural inclination towards relativism.