Drugs

(This is a continuation of the discussion started in the previous entry titled "Hippie Ideals")

Hippies used drugs to expand their consciousness. It was a vital component of the whole intellectual revolution. Drugs let people step outside themselves, and helped them to feel the oneness of the universe. It mellowed them out, and gave them spiritual awakenings. I believe that drugs were an integral part of everything the hippie movement stood for. But that was also its downfall.

As sure as drugs can lift you up, they can also bring you down. And as the hippies were lifted up, they were soon brought down, hard. Adventure and experiment and expansion became addiction. Slavery of a whole other kind. Without drugs, I believe the movement wouldn't have been nearly as successful, or nearly as widespread. But the drugs destroyed the idealism of it all, in the end. The ideas behind the revolution were solid, and they would have stood strong on their own merits, but it was drugs that put so many people in the right state of mind to support it. This is the thing. I believe in a lot of the hippies' ideas, but from a purely non drug-influenced standpoint. So to me, personally, I feel the drugs are unnecessary. Though I understand that most people need them to get to this point.

Ah, drugs. I don't do drugs. Most people are surprised by that. I have long hair, and I sometimes dress like a hippie - which usually includes ripped jeans, tie-dye shirts, and round sunglasses. I'm a musician, I play guitar, and my favorite music is classic rock. I wear contacts a lot, which often irritate my eyes, causing them to become bloodshot. To a lot of people that don't know me very well, I am the stereotypical stoner.* But I already said that I don't do drugs. Not even casually. And it's not necessarily that I'm so against them that I don't think anybody should ever do them - it's just that I don't believe they're for me.

Here's where the tired rebuttal comes in - "but how do you know if you've never tried them?" Right, I've never tried drugs. I might have had maybe a sip or two of wine in my entire life (which tasted terrible, by the way), but I've never had a can of beer. I've never smoked a cigarette (frankly, I think they're disgusting). I've never smoked a joint, either. I've never taken a hit. I've never dropped acid. I've never taken pills, and I don't even like to take medicine for health purposes, unless the pain or discomfort becomes unbearable.

Now it's time to dig deep into my psyche. Why? Why not even a little try? It couldn't hurt, right? Sure, there's the fear of getting addicted, but I have enough faith in my self-discipline that I could at least try it without falling into an addiction. So, why not try?

I was good friends with a jam band in college. Their guitarist actually borrowed my guitar for their first real gig together at a Battle of the Bands in a local frat house. I've even sat in their 'circle' on occasion, but I've always passed up the chance to 'join in'. At one of their last shows before half the band (as well as myself) were to graduate, they did a round of shots in the bar they were playing in, before starting the show. They begged me to join, in celebration of all the times we'd had, but I refused. I feel bad about refusing, but I just wasn't about to take some alcohol. Especially not for the first time, in that kind of environment. But I was totally with them, just not on a chemical level.

The main reason I don't do drugs now is because I've resolved myself to avoid them. And part of the reason for that is that I've come so far without falling into that subculture. I feel like that's something unique, something that sets me apart from the average, and something that I shouldn't just throw away. But how did I come this far? A lot of it was the result of just not being a very social person. In high school, I never went to parties where people hung out and had beer and lots of fun. I wasn't part of that scene, or any scene, really. I didn't get into cigarettes because I was never one of those cool kids, or bad kids, that would try that. Nobody even really gave me the opportunity - but that's not to say I would have taken it, if they had.

Another part of my stance is just the whole image of that scene. I don't want to be part of the druggy scene, the stoner scene, or the drinker's scene. Going to bars and clubs is not for me. Furthermore, I've had some exposure to people on the influence of various kinds of drugs, and it doesn't impress me. Maybe it's really cool to be on their side of the portal. Maybe it feels great and all that. But from my side, it doesn't look so inviting. People that are high think that everything's so funny, and that everything's so deep and meaningful. But when you're talking to a clear-headed person, it's just a pain. It's like, yeah, okay, it's the drugs talking, you're not making any sense, and you just don't realize it because your head isn't clear. And drunks? Maybe they're funny sometimes, but I generally just think they're obnoxious. Slurred speech? I don't wanna exert extra effort just to understand what you're trying to say, especially when it doesn't mean a whole lot, anyway. Some drugs might make people more social, maybe even more friendly, but I don't want people to be paying lots of attention to me. I don't want them to be telling me funny stories that I have no interest in, when I'm preoccupied with something else. And I really don't want them to be hugging me and telling me how much they love me, especially when I don't even know who they are.

The key to it is that phrase, 'clear-headed'. I have a great amount of respect in truth, and I just don't believe, like some people might believe, that drugs get you closer to that truth. I feel that they just put more layers between you and that truth. So for me, what's the point? Maybe, if it made me feel good, then there might be some reason to try it. But what's the benefit in the long run? I don't want to deal with hangovers, or withdrawal, or hugging a toilet seat puking my brains out, or hacking up a lung, or anything like that. And maybe this is just the result of the perspective mainstream society has on (illegal) drugs, but I don't particularly want to deal with the types of people that peddle drugs, either.

I've thought about it, and if there was one drug that I would ever want to try, then I might consider trying acid, just from all the things I've heard about it. My one friend, who fantasizes about taking ecstasy by the way, always counters with stories of 'bad trips'. But does that mean there are no good trips? Anyhow, just the descriptions of the kind of experiences you can have on acid have made me curious, but get this straight, I'm not exactly looking for a source. I'm not about to give up the drug-free existence I currently have just for an experience like that. Yeah, some people say it can be life-changing. But again, I don't want my life to be changed by a surreal experience that occurred when my faculties were functioning on a whole different level than they normally do. I want to be wowed by something I can understand. Something I can reason about. Something that *I* can react to, not the drugs.

I'm the one steering this ride, and I'm not about to hand the controls over to someone else.

Still, I'm a lot more open about drug use than mainstream society is, and if you choose to take drugs, I have no problem with that. All you gotta understand is that I might decide not to hang around you as much. Depending on all kinds of factors. And that's all there is to it.

* On a somewhat lighter note, here are some experiences I've had where people have mistaken me for a druggy (and in some cases, a drug-dealer - no joke):

Back in college, when my best friend was just starting to get to know me, I had him over to my dorm room once. He must have got the impression, as many do, that I was a druggy, because, as he told me later, when I offered him some of my "special homemade brownies", he declined. I had no idea what the situation looked like at the time, because for me, I was just being a good host and offering some of the brownies my Grandma had made and sent to me. But now I look back on it and smile at the humorous misunderstanding. Luckily, that experience didn't hamper our developing friendship.

I was walking with that same friend once, heading back to our dorms after either shopping or eating at some place out on the main road (probably Wal-Mart), and a fazed-out dude walked up to us. I happened to be wearing a Dark Side of the Moon t-shirt - since, as you may know, Pink Floyd is one of my favorite bands. Well, the dude asked me where he could score some drugs. I told him I didn't know, but he insisted that he could tell that I was the kind of person who would know. He didn't give up, so all I could think to do was send him off in the opposite direction. I directed him toward the Dunkin' Donuts way down the street. I told him to keep walking til he got to the main road and he'd see it. I was referring to the donuts, of course. Lucky for us, he bought the story and headed off. I was a little worried at what he might have done if I hadn't given him any kind of satisfactory answer. It's a good thing neither one of us ever saw him again.

I went to a movie by myself once, fairly recently, at the dollar cinema. The girl working at the box office looked like a high school student, total goth-type. She took one look at me and asked me if I was high. I told her no, and she was like "for real?" As she got me my ticket, she mentioned that she was gonna go smoke some pot as soon as she got off. She must have realized I was telling the truth about not being high, because as I was walking into the main part of the theatre, she quickly said, in a worried voice, "don't tell anybody, okay?" I said it was cool. I'm not gonna bust somebody on that. I'm no druggy, but I'm not a narc, either.

Not far removed in time from that experience (it may have even been the same day), I noticed some kids in the parking lot hanging out by a van playing hacky-sack, while I was walking into Border's. I happened to be wearing sandals, tight jeans, a tie-dye Led Zeppelin shirt, and my hippie sunglasses. They noticed me when I went into the store, but it was while I was walking back to my van when they decided to get my attention. They walked over nonchalantly at first. I tried to ignore them, just hoping that they didn't want anything to do with me. But they called to me, saying something about needing help getting a pickup. In my naivete, I thought they were talking about needing a ride. In my confusion, they got the impression that I wasn't who they were looking for. I don't know if they were being honest, or just trying to cover their mistake, but they said I actually looked like a guy they knew. In any case, they left me alone and I headed off. It was sort of awkward, but because they were pretty cool about it, it wasn't a big deal. But I figure it's only a matter of time before it happens again...