11 September, 2012

Pointed in a New Direction

I don't understand the point of having gotten a college education when what I've decided I want to do with my life at 28 is completely different than what I thought I wanted to do with my life at 18 - not that I was especially dedicated to it; I just picked something from the limited list of experiences I had at that point because people were pressuring me to pick something.

And when I found out, in college, what that something really consisted of, I discovered I hated it. So I ended up with a college degree in something I hated, and had no interest of pursuing a career in. And I was left with a big gaping void on the question of what I want to do with my life.

In hindsight, I don't think I should have been pushed to make such important decisions so early. Youth is the time for experimentation. You try a million different things, and you don't specialize until you're dedicated and passionate about something to the point that you WANT to specialize.

If I had spent 10 years discovering myself, and then decided I was ready for college, that college education would have been useful to me. As it stands, I went to college when I did because it was expected of me, and because it's a status symbol, and my parents were able to provide me with that opportunity and so I didn't want to throw it away.

Now, if I went back to college, I'd end up paying for it twice, and it was expensive enough the first time around. I'm 28 and I don't want to ask my parents, again, to spend all that money on me when all they've done my entire life is throw money in my direction. And because I've been aimless these ten years that I've been an adult, I don't have the kind of means or resources to pay for something like that myself.

It's frustrating, but I guess a college education (in the field of your interest) isn't the most important thing in the world, especially if you're interested in a field that's more creative than academic (I know, what a waste of my brain power - after a certain point, though, intelligence just becomes a burden). Still, I have zero connections in that world, and I don't have any clue how to get started.


  1. So what exactly IS the new direction, pray tell? What would you go to college for now?

    "If I had spent 10 years discovering myself, and then decided I was ready for college, that college education would have been useful to me."

    ^ This times a million. If I had taken even just a couple of years off to work before making my decision about college, I would have been able to make the appropriate choice. The way that I see the world now that I'm 24 and ready to start making longterm decisions, is diametrically opposed to everything I perceived at ages 18 - 21. And had I gone to college my tunnel vision would have been preserved even longer.

    Almost nobody I know who went to college is using their degree. I even know someone with a graduate degree who does a 9 to 5. Oh well. It's a broken system. Maybe the problem is we're not growing up enough in our teen years. Those first 18 years are supposed to be that 10 year period you mentioned needing to find ourselves. I think teens need to be given both more freedom, and more responsibility, in order to make their time a more effective learning experience re: the grand scheme of "real life."

  2. Yes, I would have to agree with that.

    I want to pursue a vocation in photography, but the more I think about it, the more useless it seems to try to make a living doing something creative. The alternative is doing it on the side, which I would be okay with, because it would give me more freedom to do what I want to do, since I'd be doing it for myself and not for whoever's paying me. But then that leaves open the question, what WILL I do for a living, and is there any hope of it being something I like, and am interested in, or should I just find something to suffer through, to fuel my real passions in life? I don't have answers to these questions.