05 February, 2009

Gazing Into The Abyss

"Gaze long into the abyss, and the abyss gazes also into you."
- Nietzsche

Not just an overused quotation, but also a concept that I have a fondess for, and an activity that I have a predilection towards. Long have I gazed into the abyss, and though it is not an altogether uncommon interest, sometimes I do wonder just what it is that drives my curiosity toward the darker side of human nature. And there are times when I find myself gazing also into my reflection in the mirror, only to ask myself the question, have I yet become the object of my morbid curiosities? Is it only a matter of time?

There is one view of life, that paints a picture in bright and cheerful colors. Many people believe in this picture. They may not live it, but they strive for it, and they hope for it, because they cannot live without it, at least as a potential. The other view of life paints a very dark and grim picture. Not as many people are as comfortable looking at this picture - and it is not a comfortable picture to look at. But it's the picture I see when I look at the world, and I refuse to kid myself into wishing bright colors where there are none. If the truth is dark, then I will become dark.

There's something appealing to me about controversy. The concept of groupthink is quite bizarre to me - how can a set of beliefs that are so obviously flawed be so unquestionably popular? Am I correct in judging the majority of humanity to be brainless twits? I'd /like/ to think otherwise, but I wouldn't be surprised if that were indeed the case. Controversy is where conflict arises between the sages and the sheeple. I have a tendency to want to approach that which is derided by the collective. After all, am I not among that batch?

I'd love to be more confident in my social rebellion, but the bottom line is that the group is in control, and I fear what they could do to me in their unthinking condemnation of all that is abnormal. Am I really afraid to speak my mind? Have I given up my own freedom of speech? I feel like I should be fighting for a cause. It would give my life some meaning. But what's the point of fighting against the group? As long as the group exists, they will be in power, and short of the apocalypse, my vision of a dream world will never be realized.

And so I sit alone, in a darkened room, gazing silently into the abyss. In desperation, I try to reach out and grasp something. But alas, the abyss is vast and empty, and I am still alone.

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